IDS #319 - Broken Cars & Candy Cigarettes

Episode 319 of Irritable Dad Syndrome proves that broken cars, questionable snacks, and bad lettuce can all be part of the same conversation.

This week includes:

• Don't eat the bad lettuce
• Move over Mike... Darin has complaints about his own Kia
• Sam Neill was awesome
• Super Stuffed Pop-Tarts, Fruit Roll-Ups, Fig Newtons and candy cigarettes
• Coming Soon: Best of Volume Six
• Bloopers

From battling unreliable cars to reminiscing about childhood snacks and wondering what possessed us to think candy cigarettes were a good idea, the guys once again find humor in the everyday chaos of life.

#IrritableDadSyndrome
#BrokenCarsAndCandyCigarettes
#ComedyPodcast
#DadHumor
#FunnyPodcast
#PodcastComedy
#Kia
#SamNeill
#PopTarts
#FruitRollUps
#FigNewtons
#CandyCigarettes
#GenXHumor
#Nostalgia
#StorytellingPodcast
#RelatableHumor
#EverydayLife

Transcript

My watch pulses when I get out of the water

>> Mike: Hold on.

>> Darin: Okay, that's what is.

>> Mike: That's the thing that my watch does

>> Darin: that I think is cute. Uh-huh. And it does that every night at 7:41.

>> Mike: It's a water resistant, but it's got, like, little holes for the speakers and the microphone. So when you get out of the water, you hold the button and. And it pulses those sounds and it gets rid of the water from the speaker holes. It actually works.

>> Darin: You hear it gurgle and it tells time.

>> Mike: It does.

>> Darin: It's intoxicating, isn't it?


Welcome to Irritable Dad Syndrome, Cincinnati's comedy podcast

>> Dave: Welcome to Irritable Dad Syndrome. Now hiring writers to craft clever and witty introductions to attract a younger demographic audience. Here are your hosts, Mike and Darren.

>> Darin: Hi, I'm Darren.

>> Mike: I am Mike.

>> Darin: Welcome to Irritable Dad Syndrome, Cincinnati's comedy podcast. This is episode 319. Welcome to the show. We're happy that you're here.

>> Mike: We are. We're not happy in general, though. Both Darren and I are pretty pissy tonight.

>> Darin: Oh, I've had a week.

>> Mike: It's been a bit. You guys haven't talked to us or listened to us in six days, but, Lord, it feels like it's been a month.

>> Darin: Oh, man. If you guys had any clue what's going on behind. Well, behind the microphone is where we are right now outside of these, four walls of Studio B. You're like, I can't believe they've got the strength to do a podcast.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: But they don't care, so. No, they don't.

>> Mike: Hey, have you eaten any lettuce that makes you lately? You know? You know the parasite that's out right now?

>> Darin: No, I haven't heard about the parasite.

>> Mike: There's an explosive diarrhea parasite, the Cyclopsycho. It sounds like something from the Battlestar. Galactic Bess has been following it, and she gave me a lecture the other day because I went to a nice, relatively, nice dining establishment, the Firehouse Grill. It's not Arby's.

>> Darin: No.

>> Mike: but it's also not Red Lobster. And I got a salad. and the reason I got a salad is because I wanted the blue cheese dressing.

>> Darin: Oh. Why?

>> Mike: I like blue cheese.

>> Darin: I used to be able to eat it as a kid, but I can't do it now.

>> Mike: I had the salad and I mentioned, and she looked at me like I grew up a another person out of my forehead and said, what about this, cyclokinesis? What? I'm like, what is it? She's like, it's in lettuce. And I'm like, well, this was good lettuce. She says, in the prepackaged lettuce packs. And I'm like, this is not, this place does not prepackaged lettuce. This is the finest. If I told you it's the firehouse grill. And she said it's, it could be anywhere. I'm like, well, well, she's like, it's especially in the lettuce and the leafy greens. And then what did she do today? She went and got a salad from La Rosa's. Oh, La Rosa's goes out in the. Well, I don't want to get sued, but I don't think that their salad is of a higher quality than that of the firehouse grill. I'll just say that. Right. I don't think they're getting it from, what do you call those? Better farming areas. So now she's whole foods. I said, what about this cyclo kinesis thing? And she said, well, it was just muscle memory. I just, I just said salad because I always get a salad from there. I'm like, okay, but then you didn't have to eat it.

>> Darin: Muscle memory.

>> Mike: She walked. She's like, well, she's like, I've already bought it, I might as well eat it. Well, that. Okay, it's like robbing a bank, right? You can go, you can get all suited up and walk in there until you hand the post it note over that says I have a gun.

>> Darin: I have a gun.

>> Mike: Yeah, whatever. You can turn around, you can turn

>> Darin: around, leave any time.

>> Mike: Second amendment. You can carry a gun around, right? In theory.

>> Darin: In theory, yes.

>> Mike: And a ski mask. It's cold outside. A big burlap sack on your back.

>> Darin: Check local listings.

>> Mike: Maybe, maybe you're going shopping later. These are all plausible explanations, but when you hand the note over, you have at that point you have started the.

>> Darin: Stepped into another process.

>> Mike: But everywhere up until that point, you can turn around just like if you have a salad in front of your face until you pick up that fork.

>> Mike: And place it. Shove that down your gullet and done your gully. You're fine.

>> Darin: Yeah. Walk away from the salad people.

>> Mike: That's right.

>> Darin: Don't eat, don't eat the salad.


Darren: I have a podcast called irritable dad Syndrome

Well, the other night Libby and I had chick fil a salads. They were so good.

>> Mike: Those are good.

>> Darin: Yeah. but I don't think, I don't think I had the cyclokinesis in it. Yeah. What's funny was I was going through the line and of course the girl running things is, what's a Good name. Well, my name is Darren. So she puts it down, and I ordered two cob salads. And she's. And she said, anything else? I said, yeah, an extra package of the, lime, avocado, lime dressing. She goes, okay, so another thing, of lime. I. She says, I can't talk tonight. I'm stuttering all over. Sorry about that.

>> Mike: And I said, she had the psycho,

>> Darin: but she apologized for stuttering. And I said, you should hear my podcast. I stutter all the time. Oh, you have a podcast?

>> Mike: Oh, hey, marketing.

>> Darin: Yes, I do have a podcast. And she says, what's the name of your podcast? I said, irritable dad Syndrome. And she goes, well, that sounds like a funny podcast. I'm going to check it out. She's not gonna check.

>> Mike: No, she's not. Although I would love if a Chick Fil a employee listened to this podcast. Just if you know any Chick Fil A employees. Anyone from Chick Fil A. Kroger.

>> Darin: We could do an entire podcast just on Chick Fil A. Tillamook cheese. Yeah, we haven't mentioned Tillamook in a long time.

>> Mike: We haven't. And by the way, I've been, going out on the different ice creams for a long time. I was obsessed with Tillamook ice cream. It's great ice cream. And I started buying other types of ice cream because I don't want to be seen as the Tillamook ice cream.

>> Darin: You don't want to be a snob, right? No. Also, you don't want to be predictable.

>> Mike: I even lied to myself a little bit and said, well, this isn't that bad, as I choked down another spoonful of Kroger brand ice cream. And then finally, I went back to the Tillamook. Specifically, French vanilla. French vanilla. Smack your dog upside the left ear. It is good stuff. And I've switched up my normal order at, By the way, at this point. At this point in your drive, you may be thinking, do they ever get to anything? This is the thing. This is what we get to. The Cold Stone Creamery. Do you go to the Cold Stone

>> Darin: Creamery and haven't gone in forever?

>> Mike: Love the Cold Stone Creamery. And I know that at any given point, I can say those words.


Grant Cannon: I'm mad at you for hating Kia

And Charlie's down to go with me. I got a new jam there. The Coffee Lovers. It's coffee ice cream.

>> Darin: I love coffee.

>> Mike: They put caramel in it. Oh, Heath bars.

>> Darin: Shut up.

>> Mike: And something else.

>> Dave: Yeah.

>> Darin: no one knew. You probably put walnut almonds.

>> Mike: I think it's almonds I think toasted almonds.

>> Darin: You just.

>> Mike: Well, you can tell.

>> Darin: Salted. Salted peanuts. Okay, sure. No, I love coffee ice cream.

>> Dave: Love it.

>> Mike: You should get the coast cream. Right.

>> Darin: Coffee.

>> Mike: Ask for it by name.

>> Darin: I never understood why they didn't get Stone Cold Steve Austin. Yeah. To do commercials for, Cold Stone Creamery. I'm, Stone Cold for Cold Stone. Cut. Take two. Oh.

>> Mike: Oh. Marketing idea. This is free for anybody. If you make coffee ice cream, make the pint container look like a Keurig K cup. Huh?

>> Darin: brilliant.

>> Dave: Huh?

>> Mike: Huh?

>> Darin: Absolutely brilliant. Yeah. Do not put it in the Keurig, though. No, do not.

>> Mike: How you doing?

>> Darin: I'm mad at you. I have been mad at you, and I'm also mad, at myself.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: I don't put all the blame on you because, Grant, you started this. But I didn't do anything to stop it.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And if anything, I feel like I encouraged you to go further on your hatred of Kia. Because we have a Kia. We've had a Kia since 2017. It's a Kia Sorento. Yeah.

>> Mike: And that's the best car.

>> Darin: You have been bitching about your Kia M for years.

>> Mike: Can't get rid of it.

>> Darin: And you. This Kia. And I hate this Kia. And it's a. That's a Kia. Can't even get stolen. And it guzzles the oil.

>> Mike: Left it in a parking lot with 55. Nobody for a week.

>> Darin: Yeah. And over here, I'm just. Oh, that's hilarious. Said tell another Kia joke. Well, it's not funny now because my Kia, the engine locked up on it.

>> Mike: Laugh it up.

>> Darin: It's hilarious.

>> Mike: You've been feeding it oil.

>> Darin: That's part of the story.

>> Mike: Okay.


Jacob's car sustained significant damage in an accident last month

All right.

>> Darin: So, cuz, you know, they.

>> Mike: They drink.

>> Darin: Guzzle the oil.

>> Mike: They drink it.

>> Darin: They guzzle the oil. I mentioned that, a few weeks ago, my son was in an accident. A woman. It was raining, and a woman. Hydroplane.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And she hit.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And, she did a lot of damage to his car. Okay. A lot of damage. A sizable amount. A, chunk of change, as my dad would call it. So. And it took us forever. And by forever, I mean like 11, almost 12 days. That's an eternity to determine whether her insurance was going to pay for it, her boyfriend's insurance was going to pay for it, or her mom's insurance was going to pay for it. One of the three were going to. And it just took them forever to figure that out. I'm on the phone, and I'm on the phone and do you know anything about this yet and not yet. We will know and blah, blah, once they finally determined it. And we could rent a car.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And then we could authorize the collision center to start repairing his car.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So we're like, okay, that happened. This is great. We can move forward now.

>> Mike: We're gonna go on with your life.

>> Darin: Let the healing begin. I say, yeah. So we've got Jacob's car and a collision center. The sizable amount of damage that's to his car, they don't know if they're going to repair it or give it as a total loss. It may be a total loss, the amount of damage to the car. So we don't want that. Anyway.

>> Mike: For our Dayton viewers, that's when the cost of the repair is more than the,

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: The price of the vehicle.

>> Darin: Right, Right.

>> Mike: I don't want to defend our Dayton reviewers.

>> Darin: So in the meantime, I have been, driving. Libby and I are authorized to drive the rental car because we're the two primaries on our insurance.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: So Libby and I have been switching out driving the rental car. Jacob has been driving Libby's Kia to and from where he works. And then if we go downtown, we've been like, cameron's car is great. We can drive his car.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So we get a call the other night from Jacob. 11 o', clock, the car stopped. And we're like, what do you, what do you, what do you mean the car stops?

>> Mike: One thing a car is not supposed to do. Unless you push the brakes.

>> Darin: The car just stopped.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And he said, I can't. It's like I, I, it's like the, the lights are still on the car, but I press the gas and it doesn't go anywhere.

>> Mike: It's like, it's a Kia. It's.

>> Darin: So we're asking him the like. And I feel stupid asking, but are you sure you have it in drive? Yes, I've, I've. Dad, I actually did check that. Got it in drive. The windows still go up and the lights are still on the car.

>> Mike: Hey, let's party.

>> Darin: And I'm like, all right. Yeah, where are you? And he says, I'm on, I'm on this street. And he's in Lebanon, Ohio.

>> Dave: Right.

>> Darin: Not too far, but far enough to make it that I don't want to drive to at 11 o' clock because I'm in my pajama pants.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Which, by the way, I've been wearing pajamas everywhere I go recently. I am a homeless person who gets a regular paycheck. So I'M looking at, we have life360 on our phones. I'm looking on life360, and I find the nearest recognizable, place. And then I GPS to get to that place, that restaurant. So I'm driving and driving. Like I said, this is now 11:30, almost midnight. I see on our life 360 that I'm on the same street that the Kia is on.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: I'm driving, driving, driving. There it is.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: He managed to get the car in the median, right? Directly into the median. So there's a. There's a street going east and east. There's a street going west, and then right in the middle, a turn, lane.


Jacob's phone was dead, so he went to a stranger's house

Is the Kia okay?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Luckily, it's between 11:30 and midnight, and there's no need for someone to get in that lane, turn right or left. I get there, Jacob ain't there. The Kia is sitting there, but there's no Jacob. And I pulled up behind it, and I get out. I'm like, you know, look around like, Jacob, he comes out of this guy's house. His phone was dead.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: So he knocked on a random person's door at 11:30, and they said, yeah, come in, and you can charge your phone.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: So he went to a completely stranger's house. Nice guy.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Really nice guy. I mean, luckily, Jacob didn't get murdered. But you know what? Jacob's a good kid.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And he has faith in humanity and his fellow man. Yeah. And so I applaud him for, you know, trusting. And plus, I mean, he needed to charge the phone because he had, like, 2% and he had to, you know, it's an emergency.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So he comes out and. Thanks. You know, comes out, and I got the jumper cables out of the back of the Kia. I'm thinking, I'll jump the car. We'll be totally fine. So I'm in the rental. I'm in a rental car, which is a Chevy Malibu now.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: I popped the hood on the Kia. I've jumped a car before.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: For anybody who's ever like, Darren, don't know what the hell he's doing. I've jumped a car many times. You put the positive on positive, negative on negative. You start the car that works, and then you start the engine on the car that's dead, and then you see how that works. Right.

>> Mike: So for those of you following what he just said, don't put the negative on the negative. No, you don't want to blow.

>> Darin: Don't do like Michael Scott and say, put the positive here. And put the other one. Just put that anywhere. Yeah, don't do that.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So I popped the hood on the Chevy Malibu. I've never seen a battery like this on the Chevy Malibu. It has a metal bracket over the battery. You can't access the battery. Why do they do that? Yeah, I don't know. That makes no sense.

>> Mike: So you take it to the dealer and they have to work on it and they find more wrong with it. Yeah.

>> Darin: You know what? You're probably right. So I'm on YouTube looking up how do you jump a car from a Chevy Malibu when you can't reach the battery?

>> Mike: Oh, by the way, but can I. Can I interject here for a minute, please? You probably found a smattering of videos, most of them 20 minutes long, where it's like you are about to do the such and such on the Chevy Malibu. And then you found one or two. They're like 30 seconds long of a. Dude. It was just. You just see, like a hand reaching up. You grab it on the thing and you just pull it.

>> Darin: Put it right there and get her right there.

>> Mike: Get it done. Yeah. Follow for more you like and subscribe.

>> Darin: So it said that there's this on the left side near the battery, there was a metal, bar that. That, bends up and you put the positive there. And then you can put the other part of the battery on another place on, the frame. And I'm like, this can't be right. M. And it's not even my car. It's a rental. So I'm freaked out that I'm going to. And I've never claimed to be a smart man. I don't know a lot about sports. I don't know a lot about, cars. I don't know a lot about a lot of things. Okay. And I'm going to plead ignorance here. I was really afraid I was going to screw up this rental car.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So, I tried to call Dave Lay. Dave is asleep. I texted Jason Durbin. Jason Durbin asleep. Chris. Michael. I texted him and he was, you know, kind of telling me that what I, the video I watched on YouTube was in fact the case. Yes. I don't think you're going to explode the car.


The Kia will not start, and so we called 91 1

So, Chris, thank you. So I put the positive there and the negative there. I started the Malibu. The Kia will not start. Okay. So I'm like, is this, ah. Am I. Am I trying to jump it wrong? A cop comes by and this.

>> Mike: Did he tell you that I. Did they drink the oil?

>> Darin: No.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: That. Patience.

>> Mike: Okay. All right.

>> Darin: The cop was one of the nicest police officers I've ever met. When I couldn't jump the car, we called 91 1. We're here on, on this street. The car won't move, and so we. We need, someone to come. So she says, okay, we'll call somebody. And she called the police instead of a tow truck. And the cop shows up. He says, did you guys need something? And we're like, yeah, we called 91 1, and I guess they sent you. And he goes, oh, I wonder why they didn't send her to. Like, we're wondering why they didn't send a tow. So he's looking at it, and he thought, do you need me to try to jump it? And I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna plead ignorance. And if you know more about this than I do, absolutely. So he and, another police officer shows up. They tried to jump it, and they could not get the battery. they could not get it to work. And they said, it's probably the alternator. Now, that's what Chris Michael said. If you can't get the engine to go because the windows went up and down, and the lights are still on in the car.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Darin: So the battery wasn't dead.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Darin: So they suspected it was the alternator. Anyway, the first police officer says, I will call a tow truck for you. I said, thank you. Because not only was Jacob's phone dead, my phone had 40% battery. When I drove up, there was now at 4%. Because apparently, using your flashlight, looking at an engine.

>> Dave: Yeah.

>> Darin: Will burn down your phone battery. and also watching YouTube videos, how to not this up. He says, I'm going to call this tow truck company. They're really good. We use them all the time. So we wait and wait and wait. Probably about 15 minutes. And a tow truck comes. Okay. And the guy gets out, and he goes, is this for impound? I said, no, No. I said, no, I need you to, I need you to take it to, to Carx in Westchester. He said, not tonight. And I said, oh, great. I said, where are you going to take it? I said, it doesn't make any sense for you to tow it somewhere and then have us pay to tow it to where we're going to take it to get repaired. He goes, I'm not going to be able to do this because I'm the only person here. And if there are any other accidents in the area. Yeah, I have to be available to free up the roads and all this.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Let me call this other truck company for you. Yeah. So he calls a second tow truck company.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And a lady answers and asks what we need. And I told her, and she says, where are you? And I told her, and. And she says, all right, they'll be there within an hour.

>> Mike: Wow.

>> Darin: $358.

>> Mike: Oh, my. Are you.

>> Darin: $358. Wow. I said, okay.

>> Mike: All right, I got a guy. I'll give you the guy's number. He's a fan of the show. We talked about him before. So we'll, I'll hook you up. You got a Kia. You're going to need a tow truck guy.

>> Dave: So.

>> Darin: So the first guy.


Jacob's phone dies on him in the middle of nowhere

The first. The first truck driver leaves.

>> Mike: This is my favorite story you've ever told, by the way. Could I. I love every minute of this.

>> Darin: Because it's not your Kia.

>> Mike: That's right.

>> Darin: So Jacob and I are sitting in the Chevy Malibu, and my phone is dead. And his phone is dead. And we've been out there for so long now. I've got to go to the bathroom.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: I'm like, here. We can't just leave the car here in the middle of the road. Turn on the hazards. I'm gonna run down. And what I did was, like, drove two blocks. Use the bathroom real quick. I bought a phone charger. There you go at this pump and go. Speedy. Speedy Beats or something. Speedy Pete's Pump and go. Yeah.

>> Mike: Sounds like an advertiser. Yeah.

>> Darin: And I get back, and we're sitting in the car, and we're charging Jacob's phone. And about 20 minutes passes, and the second truck driver comes. I thought it was going to be an hour.

>> Mike: Oh, there you go.

>> Darin: So the second truck driver pulls up and asks, what. What's going on? I'm like, yeah, it. It just died on us. And I said, I need you to take this to the Car X in Westchester. Okay. It's on Princeton Glendale Road.

>> Mike: Not tonight.

>> Darin: He get. He gets on his phone and he said, And I don't remember the street. Wilbury Street. I said, no, it's on Priston Glendale Road, 747. He said, Looks some more. Looks some more and goes. It says Wilbur Street. And I said, it's on. It's on Princeton Glendale. It's like, if you. You can get on Union center, then it intersects with Princeton Glendale, which is also 747. And he says, are you sure it's Car X? Yes, I'm positive. We've Taken our last seven cars.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Seriously, the last seven cars.

>> Mike: I've got a buddy that's given enough money to where they just do free work for him now.

>> Darin: I said, it's. Yes, I'm certain that it's Carx. And he goes, and you. And it's not the one on Kings Mill. No, no, it's not the one on Kingsmill Road. it's on 747 Princeton Glendale Road in Westchester. I said, here, why don't you follow me? Just follow me and we'll get there. He goes, okay, so he puts it on the truck and we're driving. And I'm so nervous now because it's almost 1:30.

>> Dave: Yeah.

>> Darin: Close to 2 in the morning. And I'm like, we've already got one car that I don't know the future of. now we've got a second car that we don't know the future of. Yeah. my phone doesn't work. And we're out in the middle of nowhere with a guy who I'm not sure is going to take our car to the right location.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So I'm driving. Plus, I'm unfamiliar with the territory. He passes us, flies.

>> Mike: Flies past us. I'm like, what the hell?

>> Darin: What is he doing? He just passes us. So I gun it and I pass him.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Like, what? What are you doing?

>> Dave: Right.

>> Darin: And then I get up and I get on 75 South.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Darin: And I'm driving down and he passes us again. He passes us and he goes past three cars. so, Mike, I. I'm like 80 miles an hour, huh? To pass him again.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And get in front of him. And then we took our exit.

>> Mike: Yeah.


Jacob's car got stuck on Princeton Glendale Road on Saturday night

>> Darin: And then we took a left.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Okay. And then we're driving, driving, driving. And we pull into Car X, on Princeton Glendale Road. 747. Yeah. And he says to me, he goes, yeah, the street that you turned on, that's the street I was asking you about. So every time, Every time he asked, is it this street? Yeah. He was right. Was right.

>> Mike: Winnebag Way, right? Is that it? Yes. Yeah, yeah. Winnieberg. Yeah. Yep, yep, yep. Yeah.

>> Darin: This whole time I'm like, it's on Princeton. Okay, okay, okay. Yeah. And I would tell Libby this story, and as soon as I said, whenever she says, darren, that's the left that you take to get to, it's like, okay, I didn't.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: It was 2:30 in the morning.

>> Mike: Yeah. Yeah.

>> Darin: Anyway, so this guy. Holy crap. He pulled some cowboy. He whipped that truck in and there was a bunch of cars already parked there. He backed it up, lowered it down, and backed that Kia in between two parked cars like a boss.

>> Mike: Damn.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And, shook his hand, paid him, and, we submitted that to insurance and everything, so. So that was fun. Any who.

>> Mike: Hold on, hold on. if I may.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: You know that feeling like when, you were a kid, Christmas Eve, you go to bed.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And then you wake up Christmas morning and you run down to see what's under the tree.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Right. That must be what it feels like if you work at Carx and you drive, you pull in for your. Your day at work and you see a Kia sitting there. Right. It's.

>> Darin: Oh.

>> Mike: Oh, looks like we're going to Hawaii this year, honey.

>> Darin: The money we're gonna make off these jerks. So we dropped it off late Saturday night, and then all day Sunday living are like, what are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? We're hoping. Hoping, it's the alternate. Hoping it's the alternator. Just hoping with this alternator. So we're hoping that Jacob's car isn't so bad that they can repair it.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Darin: And we're hoping that her car isn't so bad that we can spend, like a thousand dollars or something and repair it.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Right. So Monday, I drive down to car X, and our friend Dave is working there.

>> Darin: And I love Dave. Dave's good guy. And I'm talking to him, and he goes, I said, there's a Kia Sorento out there. Goes, I was wondering how that got there. And I said, yeah, that's mine. And I told him everything. And he says, okay, yeah, we'll check it out. And, we will let you know as soon as we figure something out. So it's like one o', clock, two o'?

>> Mike: Clock?

>> Darin: Yeah. Almost 2:30. And I called him up for a status update. They can't move it. They can't move the car. They can't get it to start. They can't get it into the shop to put it up on the thing and to look at it. He says, we're. We're trying to figure out how to pull it into our garage so that we can, look at it. But he says, I'll tell you.

>> Dave: I'll.

>> Darin: I will call you as soon as we know something. He calls me back in about 10, 15 minutes. Because turns out, while he was on the phone with me, somebody there had crawled underneath. I don't know how they got underneath the car.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Unless they weighed 45 pounds.

>> Mike: Yeah.


My car started consuming more oil than it was supposed to

>> Darin: And was, trying to look, at it turns out the engine locked up.

>> Mike: I don't even know what that. Like, I. I know what that engine. I mean, it's just. It's just done. It's just, like, put a bullet to take it out behind barn. And, I guess.

>> Darin: And then. Then our guy says, you know, those kids are notorious for drinking a lot of oil. He did not say that they're notorious for con. He said they're notorious for consuming a lot of oil.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: And I just want to go, yeah, they guzzle the oil. They drink. They drink it. But he said that it had, that there's a. Something with it, and it started consuming more oil than it was supposed to. and it's completely locked up. They can't move it. So our options.

>> Mike: So it's shot.

>> Darin: It's shot.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: It's outside the warranty.

>> Mike: How old? That's not an old kid.

>> Darin: No, it's eight, nine years old. It's. Yeah, yeah. But he says your car still looks brand new.

>> Mike: It does.

>> Darin: It broke his heart, actually, because he says, we got inside the car. We're like, oh, my God, the car is pristine. I'm like, yeah, Libby took pristine care of the car.

>> Mike: Just didn't feed into the foil.

>> Darin: We didn't know it was guzzling the oil. Anyway, one option is they can put a used motor in it, and it's like $13,000 or something.

>> Mike: Is it another Kia motor?

>> Darin: It's another motor. I don't know if it's another.

>> Mike: This is, like, from a lawnmower.

>> Darin: Oh, God. What wouldn't do to have a John Deere in there. Put a John Deere motor in there. Because my.

>> Mike: My things with the pipes and the flames coming out the top.

>> Darin: My John Deere mower. You can't kill. You know what? You know what I just said that watch my mower m. Die next.

>> Mike: Yeah. Yeah.

>> Darin: So in the past year, my car has died. My Honda CRV died. Jacob's, car got hit, and it's probably totaled. I'm hoping it's not totaled. And now Libby's car is dead. Man, I mentioned how much I hate shopping for cars.

>> Mike: Wow. So how the hell did you get here tonight? What are you in?

>> Darin: I drove the rental, and we have to. It's like, Jacob's like, can I go out tomorrow? I don't know. Can somebody come get you? The last time he went out with friends, his buddy came and got him. I've Been driving Cameron to work. I've been driving Jacob to work in the morning. It's like, Jacob, I'm going to have to drive you to work. He says, that's cool, because there's no point in you driving there and your car just sits there all day, and then you come home at 6. So I've been getting up just like I have kids at school now, getting up at freaking crack of dawn to drive kids to work. And it's just, oh, my God. But I remember the shoes on the other foot now. I remember used to make all the kids. I would just laugh and laugh.

>> Mike: I remember when I first, started doing the Kia jokes, because I. I will say this. I'm going to say some nice things. Uhhuh. it was a good run with the. I bought it used. I didn't know when I bought it that it had been in five accidents.

>> Darin: Oh, now, they should have disclosed that.

>> Mike: Well, they didn't. and I think something was slaughtered in the back seat, but I can't prove it. But given how I got it, it's just. It what annoyed me, most about it, the oil thing started late. I already hated the thing way before. The oil. Yeah, it was. I would notice a problem with it, and then I would go on Reddit or on the Internet and it wasn't, oh, this is how you fix this, or all this is what you need to do. Hundreds and hundreds of people. Yep, yep.

>> Darin: They drink the oil.

>> Mike: The one was the headlights. I've replaced the headlights.


I have four spare headlight bulbs in that Kia right now

I have four spare headlight bulbs in that Kia out there right now. I just kept them with me. I had bulbs that would burn out while you in the same drive? No, no. I would change them, and then they would burn out in, like, a couple miles down the road, and I'd change. It was just like, the bulb goes. And I'm like, that can't be right. Look it up. Yep, yep, yep. Sometimes the voltage just kind of goes ah. And zaps a bulb.

>> Darin: Hey, what, happened?

>> Mike: And there were a couple of times I drove home 10 miles, in back roads with no headlights, pissed off all kinds of different things. And then, like I said when we bought Bess's Highlander, you know, that was a classic episode. The finance guy was like, those kids, they drink the oil. I was still defensive about the Kia then. At the time, I was like, yeah, buddy, I'm good. It's only got 150,000. It's going to last another 100,000.

>> Darin: Because, see, I come from, like, every Car I've ever had, has that. Over 200,000. Your car is not a car unless it has 200 plus miles.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: You gotta season them.

>> Darin: Yes. Just. Just like a skillet.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: The car has. Doesn't have character until you have a hundred thousand miles.

>> Mike: yeah.

>> Darin: Then it's not a real car until you have 200,000.

>> Mike: I'm determined to drive this like the Toyota. I am fanatical right now about doing all the maintenance when it needs to be done. I clean it out every time I get out. So it's nice, you know, I do that. I take care of it.

>> Darin: You've got to. You've got to.

>> Mike: Because baby, this out of it.

>> Darin: As soon as you get into the habit of. I'll that up tomorrow, whatever, then you.

>> Mike: Then you don't. Yeah. and then I. So I'm. I'm. I'm aiming for well over 200,000 with this thing. we'll see what happens. I mean, the Toyotas, they've got that, What do you call that? That reputation. The genesis quo. So we'll see.

>> Darin: Anyway, if there's anybody out there who wants to donate a car to us,

>> Mike: I got a Kia sitting right out there on the. On the street.

>> Darin: That's not Mike's car. Anybody else who has a car that. You know what it'll get you to and from here, We've got so many cars. Let's just. You know what? I feel just like donating this. Send it my way.

>> Mike: You know what I'm gonna do? You know what I'm gonna do?

>> Darin: What's that?

>> Mike: I'm gonna buy some orange and red and yellow spray paint, and I'm gonna paint the Kia, Irvil dad syndrome colors. And I'm gonna give it to you.

>> Darin: Did you call my guy?

>> Mike: I haven't called you.

>> Darin: You've got to call my.

>> Mike: I'm gonna give it to you, and I want you to use it to drive here and back to record the show. We'll call it a company car. We'll write it off. So as you drive this car five miles a week. Yeah.

>> Darin: No, there was one day.

>> Mike: That's all. It's good for it.

>> Darin: No, so with.


With this car issue, like I said, three or four months ago

With this car issue, like I said, three or four months ago is when I got rid of my car.

>> Dave: Car.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And, so we were down to three vehicles once Jacob had his accident, and we just had the two. Like when Chris, Michael's mom, unfortunately passed away. I was gonna go to her funeral, but I didn't have a way to get out there. So I didn't go. And I thought, well, I could call my mom and see if she can take me.

>> Dave: Yeah.

>> Darin: And then, you know, and God love her, mom has actually. She went and picked up Cameron one night, and drove him somewhere. And. And she took me someplace. And so she has been so awesome at helping us, but it's like, good Lord, man, I forgot how convenient it is for everybody to have their own car.

>> Mike: Oh, yeah. I was on cloud nine when. When we had the whole thing settled and I had the car and Bess had her car and, you know, Andrew's had his car forever.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: It was so nice to go out in the dark and be able to use the headlights and see and drive. Yeah. And.

>> Darin: But yeah, if somebody wants to donate their car to me, call me.


You could win a year supply of Whompers All Beef Footlong Hot dogs

>> Dave: This portion of our show is brought to you by Whompers All Beef Footlong Hot dogs. Hi, I'm Dave Lay, and boy do I have exciting news for you right now. Every package of Whompers has a peel off sticker on the back that reveals a hidden letter. If you peel off enough letters to spell I love Whompers all be foot long hot dogs. You could win a year supply of hot dogs. Void where prohibited. Participating locations only, not an actual contest. Remember, get a ruler and measure it yourself. If your hot dog isn't a foot long, they'll refund your money. Guaranteed.


My heart broke when I found out Sam Neill passed away

Now back to you guys in the studio.

>> Darin: My heart was broke when I found out Sam Neill passed away.

>> Mike: I got upset. I love Sam Neill. I just started. I started following him last week. Year, I think, on, Instagram.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: did you ever follow him? He did, like, gardening, but he was hilarious.

>> Darin: Yeah, he would.

>> Mike: He would be talking about something. He just would deadpan, like, say something. You're like, was he joke?

>> Darin: Yeah. Yeah.

>> Mike: Watching, like following him and the way his humor is makes me want to go back. And there's got to be behind the scenes of him and Jeff Goldblum interacting on the set of Jurassic Park. Park.

>> Darin: Oh, there's a great. There's a great video of Sam Neill playing the mandolin and Jeff Goldblum playing piano, and they're trying to play a song together and they're having. That's fantastic. Sam Neill was doing an interview, and then there's an audience, and they took questions from the audience. and this girl, this woman, this lady, she asked him, what lessons did you learn from your parents? And he got really emotional. Really emotional, almost choked up. Emotional. Talking about his mother, talking about how, you know, sometimes life can be Hard. And we're going to go through parts that are difficult. But she told him, she's like, and this isn't the exact quote, so don't. But she's like, you are strong. You, there you are capable of doing so many things and there are going to be times when life will get really hard and you don't know if you can do it, but that's when you have to pull yourself up by the bootstraps.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And she said, and you just have to, just have to muscle through it. And he was almost in tears talking about his mom and how much encouragement she gave him. And I thought that just sounded so much like him because every time I saw him on movies, or whatever, interviews or something, I'm like, he just comes off like he was a super nice guy. Like, yes, I would love to have him over for dinner. You know what, I can't think of a movie of his that I thought he was bad in. No, not a single one. I mean some of my favorite actors have some stink roos, but.


Sam Neill was considered for the role of Indiana Jones

Did you know that Sam Neill was considered for the role of Indiana Jones?

>> Mike: No.

>> Darin: Yeah, I found that out today.

>> Mike: I could, I could actually see that he would. I could see that.

>> Darin: Yeah. So, and as much, and I love Harrison Ford. Okay. My two favorite actors in the world are Tom Hanks and Harrison Ford. Harrison Ford. It's like you think, well, how could anybody play that part? If Tom Selleck had gotten the part of Indiana Jones, it would have been amazing.

>> Darin: Tom Silk would have killed it. And if Sam Neill had gotten it. Holy crap.

>> Dave: Yeah.

>> Darin: Sam Neill could have been just a. Yeah. Freaking. Yeah. Mega, mega. I mean he was a big actor anyway.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: But man, Sam Neill and the, the thing I didn't like about him, that one hurt. He was just so good looking.

>> Mike: His hair, his hair pissed me off.

>> Darin: Just his hair was perfect.

>> Mike: I mean, come on, dude.

>> Darin: Those dreamy eyes of his.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: When he takes the sunglasses off and Jurassic park, you know, just swoon. And Libby's like, darren, are you okay? No, I'm not, I'm not okay. But Sam Neill was a great actor. A nice guy.

>> Mike: Nice dude.

>> Darin: Good looking son of a. I, I

>> Mike: love when you, when, you know, they always say don't meet your heroes and obviously we didn't meet him. And I don't think we're going to now.

>> Darin: Well, you know what? Maybe in the afternoon.

>> Mike: You never know.

>> Darin: Maybe we will later on down the road.

>> Mike: You know, there's a lot of good things and bad Things with social media and those type of things. But one of the good things is increased access. And a lot people, you start to, you know, get to see a little bit more of them. And he was like. I said, I followed him on Instagram, his little videos and stuff that he would put out. You could just tell he was just having a good time. And enjoying life.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And just, you know, chilling. He would give like this whole dissertation on how to grow this flower and then he would like, trip over it and it would crush it and he would be like, well, all right. And they would end the video. It was just like. It was just. They were just like. They were, well, little masterpieces.

>> Darin: That last Jurassic park movie got panned. I mean, there were so many people who complained and did not enjoy it. I loved it. I thought it was so awesome having Chris Pratt and Sam Neill together.

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darin: Like, they brought the two perfect cast together and I loved it. I thought it was fun. And yeah, he's just. He was great.

>> Mike: Yeah. I love. I love finding out when. When the. The person is a good person in general. And. Yeah, he was. He was definitely a good person.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: Yeah.


I stopped buying Pop Tarts because I had a problem with them

>> Darin: A few weeks ago, I mentioned that I had been full naming things around the house, and one of them was the Crofter's Organic Triple Berry Fruit Spread. And we would ask it, do you want some Crofter's Organic Triple Berry Fruit Spread?

>> Mike: Sure.

>> Darin: I would love the Crofter's Organic Triple Berry Fruit Spread. Well, we really loved the Crofter's Organic Triple Berry Fruit Spread. It was delicious. So I went to Costco where I bought a giant jar of the Crofter's Organic Triple Berry Fruit spread and they were sold out of it. And then they changed it and now they have the Crofters Organic Four Fruit Fruit Spread Number four.

>> Mike: They added a.

>> Darin: They added a fruit. I don't know what fruit they added, but you don't need to say, hey, Crofters, listen to me, okay? I've worked in television for 34 years. I don't know everything, but I know that you can just call it Crafters Organic four Fruit Spread. You m. Don't have to call it the four Fruit Fruit Spread. That sounds. Does that sound stupid to you? It's not.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: It doesn't flow. I'm certain that if they put it in front of a test audience, I've

>> Mike: got at least one English teacher that I know is. Is the blood pressure is just through the.

>> Darin: Yes. It's. It's repetitive and redundant. It's just. Just call it the Four fruit spread. That's all you got to do. But it's still delicious. And I'm going to keep buying it. You guys need to fix that. Thank you. Do you ever eat Pop Tarts?

>> Mike: You know what? I can't remember the last time I had a Pop Tart. I stopped spending a long time.

>> Darin: I stopped buying them because I had a problem with them. I loved them so much. They were delicious. And I would eat them cold. Or as my mom would say, I would eat them raw. How do you eat those raw?

>> Mike: They're better.

>> Darin: It's not chicken.

>> Mike: Yeah, it's. Yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: It's like you got a piece of bread, and you can eat the piece of bread or you can put it in the toaster. Yeah, but so it's not raw. But I stopped buying them because I had a problem with them. I would want to eat the whole box.

>> Mike: And then that happened with me in Oreos. Guy recently started buying them upstairs. I did. And here's the thing is the family is against the double stuff. I think, why not double stuff? Right? It's not perfectly immune. Because every once in a while I'll go in there and a whole sleeve is missing.

>> Darin: That's right.

>> Mike: But, yeah, for the most part.

>> Darin: Well, Pop Tarts got on the Oreo game.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And have double stuffed Pop Tarts.

>> Mike: Shut up.

>> Darin: That's what I said. I was in the middle of Kroger. Shut up. I said out loud. And this woman looked at me. I said, I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to this box.

>> Mike: Wait, I need to. Do they have the double stuffed brown sugar and cinnamon?

>> Darin: I think so.

>> Mike: At our stop at our Kroger. It's just down the street.

>> Darin: Yes, yes.

>> Mike: In the Pop Tart section.

>> Darin: Yes. And they have double stuffed Pop Tarts. Now, here's my problem.

>> Mike: More frosting.

>> Darin: Here's my problem. No, there's no more frosting. But I think they're lying, okay. About the amount of stuff.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: I think it might be one and a third stuff. Pop Tarts. It might be one and a half stuffed Pop Tarts, but it's not double stuffed. There's no way. There's twice the amount of stuff in the Pop Tart. Now, another problem with it, is when you open it up, the Pop Tarts fall apart. You pick it up and it falls apart. I like to take my Pop Tarts cold, and I eat all the crust first. I go, I go.

>> Mike: I do the same thing.


I eat the perimeter. The middle of it. And then I save the golden Juices

>> Darin: I eat the perimeter.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Okay. And then I save the golden Juices, the fatness, the.

>> Mike: The.

>> Darin: The. The middle of it. So. But you pick up these double stuffed.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: things, and they fall apart.

>> Mike: That's it, man. Game over, man.

>> Darin: It's game over. And it takes the joy out of eating the pop.

>> Mike: Yeah. I don't know.

>> Darin: But now. Yeah, but I'm. I'm. So I got the strawberry one, and I was. As soon as I bit into that, I'm like, they should have. I should have gotten the brown sugar, cinnamon. But this is why I don't think they're double stuffed. Because you get a normal box, they have eight in it. The Double stuffed pop Tarts have five in it. Okay? So if they were double stuffed, you'd be able to fit four in a box where there was eight. It's simple math, people. So I went to college. I understand what double means and what regular means. So. They're. I think they're skimping. They're not. It's not double.

>> Mike: Yeah.


Andrew and Charlie: Are Fruit Roll Ups candy or a healthy snack

Was it you and I that were talking about Fruit Roll Ups? Who was I talking about Fruit Roll Ups with?

>> Darin: it may have been me. I think I've discussed. I think this point. You and I have discussed everything because I'm in your mouth.

>> Mike: Andrew. Andrew was part of the discussion. I think it might have been with Andrew. But I remember you being there. Maybe the. Maybe the. We were talking about a snack, and I just thought, Darren.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: but the question was, are. Is Fruit Roll Ups a. our Fruit Roll ups are. They are Fruit Roll Ups.

>> Darin: That. That's where I draw the line. Is them M. Tasty? Hell, yeah.

>> Mike: I think Charlie. I think it was me. Andrew and Charlie, are Fruit Roll Ups candy, or a healthy snack?

>> Darin: Oh. Oh, boy.

>> Mike: M. And I said, when we were kids. When we. You and I were kids.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: That was about as healthy as you could get. That's right.

>> Darin: That was a vegetable.

>> Mike: Yeah. Fruit Roll up. It was like, what are you. What are you. You're better than me. You're. You're eating fruit.

>> Darin: You know what? I honestly. And. And I don't think I was deprived as a child because we certainly had cookies and candy, and mom would love to make the occasional cake or pie. And we've had donuts. And dad wasn't a fan of the sugary cereals, but after, you know, mom kicked him to the curb occasionally, we would get, The Frosted Flakes would squeak in there from time to time. M. But I never had a Fruit Roll up until I was an adult.

>> Mike: Really?

>> Darin: Seriously.

>> Mike: They were better when we Were kids. You missed out. They reformulated them or something because I

>> Darin: probably made them healthier.

>> Mike: My favorite were the apple, because they had the cinnamon. And I would roll them up into a ball and stick the whole ball in my mouth, and I'd go at it like a cha. See, for a good half hour.

>> Darin: I did that with raisins. I would put a whole box of raisins in my mouth and pretend I was chewing tobacco, and I would. You could spit raisin. And it looks just like chewing tobacco. Yeah, it looks just like it.

>> Mike: Kids, back when we were kids, they had candy cigarettes.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: We had Big League Chew.

>> Darin: You know they still sell candy cigarettes.

>> Mike: I know they do, because we got some for Charlie. Yeah. they. And they even. I don't know. I can't. I should have. I can't remember. But when we were kids, they used to put a little red dot on the end of one end, like it was lit. Remember that?

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: They don't do that. And you could get the different brands.

>> Darin: The red, ink is bad for you.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah. No.

>> Darin: This woman who I used to work with at Channel 5 at Christmas, she would give, all her favorite people, and I was on that list, by the way. Thank you, Alex. I would get a pack of candy cigarettes, for my Christmas gift from my buddy Alex.

>> Mike: They would.

>> Darin: Yeah. I was like, God, I love you. And she's like, I love you, dude. I'd go out in the parking lot, I'd throw one in my mouth, and I. I changed my profile. Pictures of me looking like a badass smoking a candy cigarette.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Carried around.

>> Mike: They would have little joke. They would have, like. They would make them to look, like, real.


Darren: McDonald's discontinued the fried apple pie, but now they're back

Like, even outside. It would be like Virginia gems, you know? And every. Everything else would look exactly like what it was. Ah, the thing.

>> Darin: I don't remember what the name of the candy cigarettes are now, but. Yeah, you can still get them. They taste like chalk.

>> Mike: Yeah, that's basically what they were. It was. It was chalk. Like the chalk factory. Drop some stuff at the end of the thing or, like, just put them in a cigarette box, sell them to kids.

>> Darin: Because I got home and I still had. I kept it in my mouth the entire drive home. And Libby's like, what is they?

>> Mike: Like those Necco wafers, which are good until you run across a chocolate one and it tastes like dog. You get a whole roll of them and just start popping those things, and then you hit one of the chocolate ones, and it's m. Like, oh, there's where you Stop.

>> Darin: You know when we went to that pool party a couple weeks ago and they had brought the figs.

>> Mike: Oh, yeah.

>> Darin: And then we got on that conversation because I used to have a problem with Fig Newtons.

>> Mike: I had a big problem, with fig.

>> Darin: I could eat an entire box of Fig Newtons and my body like. Darren, stop that.

>> Mike: Well, here's the thing is those aren't that good for you either. But they were marketed to us, like, back when we were kids.

>> Darin: I'm eating fruit.

>> Mike: If you were eating fruit Roll Ups and Fig Newtons, you were damn near a healthy that. And watch Richard simmons for about 20 minutes on the VHS.

>> Darin: Get you one of the McDonald apple pies.

>> Mike: That's right. Oh, yeah. You have to issue. We have to issue a Correction on the McDonald's.

>> Darin: okay.

>> Mike: Our fan, Bess.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: Informed me. She's like, you know, Darren's wrong on that McDonald's apple pies.

>> Darin: What did I. How am I wrong?

>> Mike: She said that you claimed that they were discontinued and brought back, and she says they were never discontinued. They just stopped frying them and started baking them, and now they fry them again.

>> Darin: Well, the fried apple pie was what was discontinued.

>> Mike: Okay? I don't want to get in between the two of you, okay?

>> Darin: Listen, I have no horse in the street.

>> Mike: She told me. I told you.

>> Darin: I can't tell your wife anything. But she's wrong, okay? That's why McDonald's went through, Their back, Bess. Yeah, they're back. The, fried apple pies are back for the 250th, so. And they did.

>> Mike: They.

>> Darin: They discontinued the fried apple pie.

>> Mike: They did a thing that's like.

>> Darin: That's like, if they discontinued the Whopper, but they still served the double cheeseburger.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Then you're like, well, they didn't discontinue that because they just don't call it the opera. They discontinued the Whopper Best, and now they call it the double cheeseburger.

>> Mike: It's like McDonald's went through this phase where they were trying to be a little healthier, and they had, like, salads and weird on the menu. And then. And then somebody in the McDonald's executive said, well, Arby's still exists, so people don't care about their health. And then they went right back to the original menu, grinding up the chicken beaks and everything else and throwing them in the chicken nuggets, making the. Making the milkshakes out of chalk dust and freaking.

>> Darin: Did you ever hear the episode of Crank Acres where Jimmy Kimmel Called the chicken place and complained that his bucket had beaks in it. It's got beaks. And he was like, his old Jewish. We can't play. No, no. Google that. YouTube. That, hilarious Crank Yankees used to be so funny. I swear to God, they were right up there with the Jerky Boys on prank phone call.

>> Mike: Yeah. Me and Bess, still, we. We listened to the. The Jerky Boys 3. We would listen to all of them, but The Jerky Boys 3 was on repeat for a while in college. And we still. We're in our 50s, literally, both of us in our 50s, and we still quote it. Yeah, it's like. And randomly, I'll be like, my ass looks like ricotta cheese in a plastic bag. Big old Badass Bob, one of my favorite characters.

>> Darin: Accordions and keyboards. I can't. I can't. I can't do it. Oh, God. A couple weeks ago, I mentioned that I had made a comment. This dude on Tick Tock, he and his buddy were trying to sleep overnight in a warehouse.

>> Mike: Yeah.


A comment about going to the bathroom gets thousands of likes

>> Darin: Was it a Costco? Yeah, a Costco warehouse in a box.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And my comment was, I don't know how you're gonna go all night without using the bathroom. At the time, it had, like, close to 6,000 comments or 6,000 likes. And now it's over 10,000 likes.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: A comment about going to the bathroom. 10,000 people said, damn, I like that one.

>> Dave: Boom.

>> Darin: If only 10,000 people could like this book. I've tried so hard.

>> Mike: I'm trying.

>> Darin: Yeah, Trying so hard.


Best of Volume six is coming out in a couple weeks

Hey, guys, speaking of trying so hard here, in a couple weeks, we are releasing. I hope you're sitting down for this, our Best of, volume six, special number six.

>> Mike: Six years of this, and this one's okay. I think year five best of was our best one.

>> Darin: Year five was amazing.

>> Mike: But looking at what you put together for six, and I'm gonna go through and put some Mikey's in there. Yeah, Mikey picks.

>> Darin: I. I'm just gonna tell you guys,

>> Mike: there's some good stuff.

>> Darin: You're in for a treat. And I reached out to our fans and there's some special requests. There was a story that two people said, you've got to put that in. Yeah, best of. And I was like, what are you guys even talking about? And I went and looked. Oh, my God.

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darin: So we are putting that together now. we are going to put.

>> Mike: Is Jim text me tatas at work in there?

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: Yes. All right.

>> Darin: That will be in there.

>> Mike: Yeah. Okay.

>> Darin: So, yeah, you guys are in for a treat. Best of Volume six is coming out here in just a couple of weeks, so I hope you enjoy it as much as we enjoy putting it together. we want you to know that if you go to irritable dad syndrome.com, not only can you listen, to every episode, but we have Best of volume five, volume four, volume three, volume two, and volume one. They're right there. They're in the new, to the podcast question mark. Yeah, they're in that section right there. And so.

>> Mike: And you can also go to the search bar and type Best of, and they'll all.

>> Darin: That's true. That's true. But you know what? If you're telling a friend about Irritable Dad Syndrome and they. They check it out, tell them that that's where they can go. And, well, you can go. I'll tell you where you go.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: But encourage your friends. You know what? When Best of volume six comes out, bring the whole family over and sit around the table.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Kind of like in the old days when they would. When papa would sit around the radio and listen to the Lone Ranger.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: You got. Bring your whole family and listen to Best of Volume six. yeah.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: We hope to see you next week on Irritable Dad Syndrome. Boom.

>> Dave: Irritable dad Syndrome is a Mike Odle Darren Cox production.

>> Mike: That's right. Darren has teased me.

>> Darin: I wish I could use Prince music on this episode because there is a great song by Prince on the gold experience called 319, and it wasn't a hit, but, by God, it has to be his best song. Yeah.

>> Mike: You know, I've been working on myself.

>> Darin: You're very warm, and I am, nuclear dude.

>> Mike: If you're gonna die, wait until we're actually live. If you're gonna get testy with me.

>> Darin: No, I mean, we're gonna go.

>> Mike: We're gonna. We'll just. We're gonna throw it at hands, right? Are we throwing hands? 319. The one where we throw hands.

>> Darin: I don't want to throw hands. I don't want to fight.

>> Mike: I like you.

>> Darin: I don't like fighting with you. So it said to. There's a. I'm gonna sneeze.

>> Mike: I can't do it.

>> Darin: When you say I had sneeze pressure. And she called the police.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Instead of, the delivery. The delivery truck.

>> Mike: He.

>> Darin: No, he.

>> Mike: He. Like. He had, like, a garden. He did, like, gardening.

>> Darin: I never had a Frootlope. I never had a fruit roll up until I was an adult.

>> Dave: Welcome to Irritable dad syndrome. Now hiring writers to craft clever and witty introductions to attract a younger demographic audience. All right, that's a good one.


Well, let's start this thing out. Thank you guys for showing up

>> Mike: Well, let's start this thing out. I'm sorry. Go ahead. Go ahead.

>> Darin: No, I'm hoping that my pissed offness. Pissed offity. Would, generate, fun.

>> Mike: Thank you guys for showing up.

>> Darin: See a retired papa.

>> Mike: Whoa, easy. Yeah, that one's on there, too.

>> Darin: Yes. I got to clean that one up. Have a great day and stay cool.