IDS #308 - Neil Young Knows How to Eat Corn

Episode 308 of Irritable Dad Syndrome features cassette tape nostalgia, mulch hatred, Chick-fil-A confusion, and one very important question: why did Darin write down “Neil Young Knows How to Eat Corn”?

This week includes:

•  Beck is awesome 
•  Darin’s adventures with a cassette deck purchase at Goodwill 
•  Billy Idol and Terminator 2
•  Why did Darin write down “Neil Young Knows How to Eat Corn”? 
•  Hating mulch and current technology 
•  Dolphins are horrible people 
•  Chris Michel’s mailbox 
•  Half of the Chick-fil-A employees got Darin’s name right 
•  Signing your name when you vote 
•  Libby is starting to talk like Mike 
•  Bloopers galore 

Dad life, music nostalgia, technology frustration, and conversations that spiral into complete lunacy!

#IrritableDadSyndrome #ComedyPodcast #DadHumor #FunnyPodcast #PodcastComedy #MusicNostalgia #CassetteTapes #BillyIdol #NeilYoung #Beck #GenXHumor #GoodwillFinds #EverydayLife #RelatableHumor

Transcript

This is a good setup. I like this setup. This podcast ain't gonna suck. This is pretty good

>> Mike: This is a good setup.

>> Darin: I like this setup.

>> Mike: This is pretty good.

>> Darin: I think this is gonna make all the difference. Oh, yeah.

>> Mike: Totes.

>> Darin: Totes adorbs. This podcast ain't gonna suck.


This is episode 308 of Irritable Dad Syndrome, Cincinnati's comedy podcast

>> Dave: Time now for another episode of Irritable Dad Syndrome. This time it's personal. Give it up for your hosts, Mike and Darren.

>> Darin: Hi, I'm Darren.

>> Mike: And I'm Mike.

>> Darin: Welcome to Irritable Dad Syndrome, Cincinnati's comedy podcast. This is episode 308. We are happy you're here.

>> Mike: Two ring lights and a microphone. Just rattle the cans and shake your hands m. We're here.

>> Darin: You've been practicing that, haven't you?

>> Mike: I listened to some Beck. The, over the weekend.

>> Darin: Two turntables and a microphone.

>> Mike: Yeah. Where it's at.

>> Darin: Re.

>> Mike: Rattle the cans and shake your hands.

>> Darin: Beck is awesome.

>> Mike: Put on my ear goggles.

>> Darin: I love Beck. He's a good guy. We ought to have him on the show.

>> Mike: Yeah. I was driving around with Chardo Charlie to y', all, that's your gun. And, And I was just looking for some music to get the boot scooting, scooting boogies going. And, you know what I'm talking about.

>> Darin: I do know.

>> Mike: And then I, was like, hey, Beck is good. So I, unleashed Loser. Now, here's the deal. If you're Gen X, like Wheats are, then Loser is like, oh, God, you're gonna play that song again. But. But. Because it was everywhere.

>> Darin: I know. But now it's been. We're so far removed from it.

>> Mike: It's a classic.

>> Darin: Yeah, I know. I. I have been so far away from the music of Beck that whenever I hear Loser or where it's at, I'm like, here we go. Let's throw down, and let's get started.

>> Mike: Now he has a touching, album. It's not Summer's Eve, but I can't think it's something like that. It's. That's a douche. And that's. He doesn't have an album named after a douche. But if you. If you look at his, repertoire on SP or something, one of the album covers is, like, full of sunlight, and he looks like he's very joyful and happy.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And it's amazing. It's. He sings with a je ne sais quoi. It's not the standard. You know, two turntables in the microphone. It's like, He sings like I can't sing. He sings well, like.

>> Darin: Like he's a singer that's saying something. If he sings better than You?

>> Mike: Yeah. But there seems like one who sings.

>> Darin: There is a great clip of him. I'll have to find it. It's I don't know if it was VH1 or MTV Unplugged. That's a video hits one and it's Beck. And they're getting ready to do where it's at. And it's like a 10 minute version of where it's at. And the, keyboard player on his little Casio changes the sound of it to like 15 different. And it could not be more fun. And Beck is smiling from ear to ear and the band is loving it. It's great. And I'm like, I wish I was at that performance. That would have been fun.

>> Mike: One of my favorite albums of all time albums period, is a Beck album. It's called the Information. And when I went, I went back to school. A lot of people don't know that I went to school. Once you got your mask got out and I worked and then I said, I want to go back to school. And I did.

>> Darin: While working by your vocabulary.

>> Mike: Wow.

>> Darin: Go back to school again.

>> Mike: And that's when I lost it. My hair. But a lot of times when I was studying, I found that Beck the Information. Look it up, by name, kids.

>> Darin: Sure.

>> Mike: It's at your local Sam Goody. It was, It's a. It's a. It's a. Well, that would.


I really miss Circuit City. I always thought Circuit City was stupid and dumb

You could, if you're listening at home, rewind and then set a little, stopwatch of that. You'll. You'll measure the speed of Darren's brain.

>> Darin: Just got that. So you didn't get it. Circuit City.

>> Mike: Actually, I actually know I got it. I think I did get it. Circus City Record Bar. Dude, let me tell you something. The mall, if I could bring back one store from the grave, it would be Hills. But I also really, really, really miss Circuit City.

>> Darin: I do too.

>> Mike: I always thought Circuit City was stupid and dumb and untenable. But right around the time that it was starting to lose favor, I started to enjoy going in there. It's red. Yes, it was red and gray.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: And they had everything you could get. A food processor and a, music device. A cd?

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: And then a video game.

>> Darin: Well, they had like five rows of compact discs.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And I love going through the CDs.

>> Mike: They had that room full of stereo equipment that you can't afford.

>> Darin: Oh.

>> Mike: And they were always playing Terminator 2 and Jurassic Park. You just go in there like, wow, this would be nice.

>> Darin: This is crazy.


I've been wanting a cassette deck for a long time

Because you've brought up two things that I'm going to mention on tonight's show.

>> Mike: Really?

>> Darin: yeah.

>> Mike: And, you know, I didn't read those.

>> Darin: I know you. That was. That's just like fate. Okay? That's our density. That would happen. M. So you're talking about rewind and you're talking about stereo equipment. I, three or four days ago, bought a cassette deck that is bad.

>> Mike: Like how? Like, like a boom box?

>> Darin: No, a cassette deck. A console with the aux cables that go the. The red and the white aux cable that plug into a receiver.

>> Mike: That's auxiliary for you.

>> Darin: Auxiliary, yes. And so I have. I used to have a box with like 20 some cassettes. And I sold them at a yard sale for, I think the whole box for five bu or something.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And I wish now that I'd kept those cassettes, but I kept, a handful of them. I kept all my Billy Idol cassettes and I kept Rolling Stones, Tattoo you, and Rick Springfield, Working Class Dog. Those were the first two cassettes I ever owned. And they still look pretty good. So I've. I hung onto those. I kept the knack. Get the knack. a Weird Al and then Cheech and Chong and a couple other things. But I've been wanting a cassette deck because I've. I dug out my receiver and I've plugged a turntable into it. And I've been going and buying. I love going through the discount albums at half price books. The crap you can find in there. $2, it's a steal, right? And I found some really good music, some entertaining stuff, some Steve Martin, some, Smothers Brothers, some really cool collectible things that I enjoy. So I've been wanting to get a cassette tech for a long time. They're expensive. You can buy one for like $85. I ain't paying $85 for a brand new cassette deck. And then I looked at some places that sold them used, and they're like $75. And it's still more expensive than I want. So I went to a Goodwill and I thought maybe they've got something. You know what they did? They had two cassette decks. One was a little. It looked like a silver box. It had one cassette player in it, and on the top was a cd. I didn't need the cd. I've got a cd, player. But whatever. I looked at that and I wasn't really crazy about that. Then I found another one, and it's a performance brand which they sold at Sears. So that gives you an idea how Old this mother scratcher is. Sears has been out of business since what, 2000.

>> Mike: That's where you went back in the day, kids.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: You went to Sears. Like that's when, when daddy got the bonus m. Or the Christmas paycheck. Yes, y' all went to Sears.

>> Darin: You got the Sears catalog and you went through and you circled all the Star war figures and, and Hot Wheels cars and all that stuff that you wanted for Christmas. And that's what you would get at Sears.

>> Mike: And if you were in a, in a, you know, in a po area, you went to the service merchandise, which is basically Sears catalog in a room.

>> Darin: I remember.

>> Mike: You remember those? Yeah, I remember Service. It looked like you were buying a mansion or a gold watch or something. You're going in there to buy whatever you like. I need some manila folders. Yeah, well, they just enter the document, number on this. You have to fill out the thing and give it. Guy, he would stare at it for a minute, walk to the back and you know there's nothing back there but they're. They take smoke breaks and their pop machine. And then he comes back and says it will arrive in three to five days.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: Oh, dude, layaway.

>> Darin: The layaway plan.

>> Mike: I will tell you. Here's, here's a memory, okay. One of the very first things.


The very first thing that I ever put on layaway was a game

>> Darin: Back to cassette decks in a second.

>> Mike: The very first thing that I ever put on layaway was a vigil game called BC's Quest for Tires. You remember the comic strip BC?

>> Darin: Yes, yeah, I do.

>> Mike: They had a, they made a game. They made two games. Quest for Tires and Quest for Tires too. And I saved up for months. How much was on layaway? I think it was like 35 bucks. But I was a kid, right? And I remember getting it and within five minutes of playing it, I thought, well, this is a rip off.

>> Darin: Stupid, dumb the first.

>> Mike: But I told myself because of, because of my mental issues, I told myself it was the best game ever because I just spent months trying to get this thing.

>> Darin: Uhhuh. yeah. The first thing I ever bought on layaway was this acid wash denim jacket that had leather shoulders. and you put your, put your pins on it, right? And I bought it at this store in the mall called Chess King.

>> Mike: Dude, I remember chess king.

>> Darin: $75. Yeah. Cuz I worked at the Win Dixie grocery store. I got my first check and I'm like this unboxing. By God, I'm buying something expensive as hell. A $75. And I still have the jacket, by the way. It was a, 80s day at school. And I asked Cameron if he wanted to wear it. He said he passed.

>> Mike: So I. I bought an. I bought a clothing item, and I believe we still have it in this house.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: If I remember correctly, it cost $250.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: It was a black leather trench coat. Those kind of went out of style duster after a while. Yeah, but it was. It wasn't like the glossy kind.

>> Darin: The matrix.

>> Mike: Yeah, like that. But it was like a brushed one. It's not the shiny. Like, it's like. It's like one that's been through some.

>> Darin: It's all roughed up. Yeah.

>> Mike: Yeah. The problem is we don't live in Arizona.

>> Darin: No.

>> Mike: Or anywhere. If I were walking around the desert with a horse.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: And a gun and granola. And I was looking for things. It's perfect. But little skinny me. Right. Walking around Huntington, West Virginia, back in the day wearing that thing. I wore it out twice. And of those two times, one of them, somebody said, why are you wearing that?

>> Darin: I used to have a long denim duster, also a, kind of acid washed, kinda loosely asked.

>> Mike: Everything was asked. Here's the thing. You couldn't buy something that wasn't acid washed back in the day.

>> Darin: State law. It was required by law. And it was gray. And I used to wear that when I was in college. And I thought I was the.

>> Mike: I'll go even further. I was once in Lazarus. Oh, Lazarus.

>> Darin: Lazarus. Yes.

>> Mike: And I was walking through the men's section, and I still haven't found what I'm looking for. Came over the thing by the U2s. By the U2s. And I saw a black leather vest. Oh, like the one, Boner is wearing in some of the videos.

>> Darin: With a shirt.

>> Mike: Yeah. And I bought it. I don't have it anymore.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: And I never wore it out. As soon as I got it home, I'm like, again, West Virginia. I'm m not gonna. The hell am I gonna do with this?

>> Darin: That's awesome.

>> Mike: I made a lot of poor decisions.

>> Darin: Oh, you and me both, brother.


So back to the cassette deck. Back in the day, you've grown up eating your tape

So back to the cassette deck. I'm in a Goodwill store and I find this cassette deck. And it looks decent. Okay. I know it's old because it's in a Goodwill.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: But it's 13 bucks.

>> Mike: And I thought stuff.

>> Darin: And I thought, $13. That's enough to suit my needs for playing a cassette. Yeah. Every now and then I can do that. So I bought it, and I go up to the front and I asked the guy, I said, if this doesn't work. He says, you can bring it back within 10 days. I'm like, oh, okay, fantastic. So I'm not really gambling. So I buy this 13 cassette deck, I bring it home, I run downstairs like I'm a kid on Christmas morning, and I plug it into my receiver, and the first thing I do is I go and I get my Billy Idol Don't Stop ep, which I've been wanting to listen to. Hm. For a long time because I have been on a Billy Idol kick.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: A hard kick. Okay. And so I could not wait to listen to the CP that I have not listened to in quite a. A long time. I put it in and I hit play. And it's in the middle of a song and like, well, let's rewind and start at the beginning. I hit rewind and it makes that noise. Yeah, it sounds like there's something wrong with the clutch. And then I hit play. And, this is if I looked all over the world and seen every type of girl but they're empty. I seem to pass barn dirt and it stops.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I'm like, no.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: The Billy Idol EP of Don't Stop. You can't buy it on cd. It's not readily available.

>> Dave: You can.

>> Darin: You can buy it on eBay for 40 bucks.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Or there's people who are selling it for upwards of close to 300. I'm like, are you kidding? So I panicked. I'm like, great. And I can't get it out.

>> Darin: Uh-huh. So I go on the Google and it said to unplug it. So I unplugged the thing, plugged it back in, I hit the pause button, which did something, and I was able to get my tape out unscathed. Okay. I was afraid that I was gonna have to take the pencil and rewind the tape back, you know, like you used to.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And I thought, oh, my God, it ate my tape.

>> Mike: It.

>> Darin: It did not eat my tape.

>> Mike: So, kids, you Gen Z's and you millennials and all you. You people, there's nothing worse. Back in the day, you've grown up eating your tape. You've grown up with, the MP3s and the streaming and all this stuff, and you look at CDs as relics. But the thing with CDs was, nothing's actually touching the disc. In theory, it's true. In reality, all kinds of touch the disc.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: But in theory, the music was the same now and forever. Yes. A tape. There was a non zero chance that randomly your tape deck would Sacrifice whatever you put into it.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: To whatever God that, that your tape deck happened to be worshiping at that moment.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And it was just gone.

>> Darin: Gone.

>> Mike: I've had what I consider to be priceless cassettes just now. Those particular ones I only, spent a penny on from Columbia House. But I'm telling you, man, if you bought them full price, I bought them for a penny, they would piss you off.


Rick Yonayer returns a cassette deck to Goodwill because proceeds go to charity

>> Darin: Purple Brain Duran.

>> Mike: And it had nothing to do with the quality. I had a very nice, a high quality boombox, like where you could listen

>> Darin: to music portably that we got back

>> Mike: at the Circuit City. And the, the two speakers on the side would come out and they came with cables and you could make it a desktop speaker stereo if you wanted. And it would. Had an equalizer on it. And, and I remember one of the kids, because I brought it in for show and tell and one of the kids was like, I've got an equalizer. That's a good one. That's how I knew it was a good one. But it sounded great. Well, I know even that one, even that highly tuned instrument, it ate a tape or two.

>> Darin: Yeah, it would eat your tape. And so I was, again, I'm so happy that I was able to get my tape out unscathed. I'm, hearing that guy's like, you got 10 days to return it. And I thought maybe, maybe it didn't like the tape. So I tried it out again today with Def Leppard. Pyromania.

>> Mike: One sacrificial.

>> Darin: I'm like, okay, this isn't. So I take it back to Goodwill. Now I want you guys to know I feel like crap because I'm returning something to Goodwill. When you buy something at Goodwill, a portion of the proceeds goes to help people. But it's like, I mean, I can return it, but my theory is there may be some other guy. There's, There's a lot of people who will buy electronic items because they like to tinker, they like to work on things. And maybe somebody wants to get a piece of cassette deck that he can work on or fix or she can work on and fix something like that. So I didn't feel too bad and I go and, I said, I need to return this. And the guy says, well, we have a 24 hour return policy on, on the, electronics. And I said, oh, dude, when I bought it, said, you have 10 days. He says, you have 10 days. If you buy clothing with electronics, it's a 24. Then he says, but since they told You. It would be ten days. I'm gonna honor that, but I have to give you a goodwill card. So they put it back on a goodwill gift card. That'll be fine.

>> Mike: I didn't even know those existed. That's my official. What, I'm buying people for Christmas now?

>> Darin: I did not. Yeah,

>> Mike: I will.

>> Darin: So I have got 1383 on a goodwill gift card. I'm like, what am I gonna do with this? And so I'm m walking around and I thought, I felt like. Because I was. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna put the money back into Goodwill. I found this flannel shirt that looks so grunge. M. This is like Eddie Vedder wore it and brought it to Goodwill. So I bought an Eddie Vedder grunge ass looking filthy flannel shirt. Not filthy, like dirty, but like, this is a cool looking flannel shirt. And then I found this dress, this suit. In a dress. I found a suit jacket. Right. Oh, $9. Okay. And, it fit me perfectly. Long story short, I returned the cassette deck and then I ended up spending five more dollars at the Goodwill because proceeds go to help people. And I got a kick ass jacket and a cool grunge Eddie Vedder looking flannel shirt. Yeah. But I'm still wishing I had a cassette deck.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Because I've got cassettes that I want to play and I liked having it as part of my, I had the vinyl, I had the, I had the turntable, I've got the cd and I wanted a cassette. So I'm gonna have to keep looking and try and find a better cassette deck. But now I've got these cassettes that I'm afraid it's like, I don't think I'm ever going to put Rolling Stones tattoo you or Rick Springfield Working Class Dog in there. I've got them on CD too. But I don't want to ruin my first ever cassette because I'm stupid, sentimental, weird like that.

>> Mike: Yeah. I think the cassette tapes that I know we have here are Bon Jovi, Blaze of Glory. Oh, it's a good one. Miami Vice 2. The second soundtrack.

>> Darin: Oh, I remember the first soundtrack. I don't remember.

>> Mike: The second one's really good.

>> Darin: Oh, I'm sure it is. Harold, Faltamayer on that one.

>> Mike: no, it was, Yon Hammer,

>> Darin: but Harold Faltermeier did something on that. No, I'm thinking Beverly Hills cotton.

>> Mike: and, Black Grape.

>> Darin: black.

>> Mike: The Reverend Black Grape.

>> Darin: Never heard of black.

>> Mike: You should look up Black Grape.

>> Darin: I think I will.

>> Mike: It's pretty good. But I remember back in the day, as kids, we had the boombox, me and my friend Kevin, and we walked around the block of our neighborhood playing Falco Rock Me Amadeus, loud as. Oh man, I loved it. Get to the end and we'd have to stop. you walk for three minutes, stop, rewind it, play and keep walking.

>> Darin: Would you stop the tape and rewind or would you rewind it and then hear the thing play?

>> Mike: I never know. I never did the second one because you, you run the risk of.

>> Darin: That's what people told me, that you were ruining your tape that way.

>> Mike: Well, that's the thing, is that every time.


Cassette tapes sounded better than vinyl back in the day, right

I know, I'm assuming this makes sense. Every time you played the tape, you're degrading it a little bit.

>> Darin: A little bit.

>> Mike: Because it is coming into contact with different things. M in there. And that's why CDs were such a big deal.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: I will stand by this. Cassette tapes were great to get. They had like the really good ones.

>> Mike: Like if you got a new album, like I remember when I got the REM automatic for the people.

>> Darin: Oh good.

>> Mike: I got that on cassette. It had like a weighty feel to it. And the liner notes went out forever.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And it, the cassette felt weighty and you would put it in. They sounded good. Great. Like M. They sounded really good when you first got them because you were listening to them compared to vinyl, which I know. Keyboard warriors, calm down. Put it back. But.

>> Darin: Put it back.

>> Mike: Cassette tape sounded better than the vinyl back in the day. I don't care who you are. And then CDs sounded so much better than cassette tapes. But not as much as cassette tapes sounded better than vinyl.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: And then MP3s came along and people told themselves it sounded good until they went back and listened to it on something else.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: Like, ah, it's not that good.

>> Darin: Oh, I know so many people who, who would burn their CD collection. They didn't put them in a fire. They transferred the CDs to. They ripped them.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: To digital file. And then they saved them. And then they got rid of all their CDs. That's why when you go into used record stores or half price books or one of those places, they've got 7000 CDs for two bucks a piece. Because all these people like, okay, look, I can't run or whatever, but I'm like, I love, I love having the physical media. Okay. I do. And then I have every CD by ZZ Top and every CD by Simon Garfunkel and every CD by John Mellencamp and, and those guys. And I almost had every CD by Billy Idol now.

>> Mike: But there was a period of time and I don't think they do it anymore. But there was a period of time of where Amazon, if you bought music digitally from them, they would send you the cd.

>> Darin: I know if you buy a CD off of Amazon, you automatically get the digital.

>> Mike: Maybe that's what it was. Yeah.

>> Darin: Into your account.

>> Mike: Yeah, but that's how I got the Brush Collection on cd.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: When they did their remasters. Yeah. I just bought the digital versions for like $9. And then I get a remastered CD in the mail. Yeah, it was pretty, pretty good.


James Cameron wanted Billy Idol to be in Terminator 2

>> Darin: And then you mentioned Terminator 2 and I was talking about Billy Idol last week and oh yeah, Billy Idol Should Be Dead documentary. I didn't know this, but James Cameron wanted Billy Idol to be in Terminator 2. He wanted him to be the, T2, cop, whatever.

>> Mike: Really?

>> Darin: Yeah, the bad guy.

>> Mike: Oh, that would have been interesting.

>> Darin: Interesting indeed. But his, you know, he had smashed up his leg and he couldn't run. Ah. And so, but I'm just like, what? And I thought I knew most, almost all about Billy Idol, but I had no idea he was gonna be in Terminator 2.

>> Mike: I remember, there was an interview with Arnold Schwarzenegger talking about him talking to James Cameron about Terminator.

>> Mike: He wasn't originally slated to be the Terminator.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: He just kept talking to James Cameron about how it needed to be like, he's like the, he has to be that he's talking about the Terminator has to be like a master of weapons. He has to be able to load, disassemble a gun and reload a gun without ever looking at it.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: To be able to do something over here while looking over here doing all

>> Darin: this, I can do that.

>> Mike: All these things. And, and he said that as he was talking to James Cameron, James Cameron just started looking off and like he was glazing over. And finally he said, what do you want to be the Terminator? And he was like, well, I, I, can't do an arm Schwarzenegger. But he was like, I hadn't thought of it.

>> Darin: He's like, yeah,

>> Mike: you're the Terminator. That's who you're going to be. and then they were. St. Robert Patrick, the, the cop Terminator in Terminator 2 stepped it up a bit. The thing with Robert Patrick was he could run at full speed. in the scene where he's running after the car and he, like, reaches out and hits. Yeah, they had to speed up the car to, like, a normal speed because he could catch it. And the scene description said he had to run without breathing through his mouth. And he could do that. He could run at full speed, breathing through his nose, and he caught the car. That alone, the dude deserves an Oscar.

>> Darin: I saw a thing with him on TikTok, and this was last year. I'm sorry, the tick tock. It was last year, the year before, he was in some western and somebody asked him about what type of makeup, or prosthetics were they doing to alter his body. And he said, look, man, I'm not using any prosthetics. This is age. This is me. This is me putting on weight. This is how I look. Yeah, he just totally owned it. He says, yeah, I'm not the guy that I was 30 years ago. I have weathered with time.

>> Mike: Yeah.


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That's one of my favorite contributions that you've ever made to the show

Now back to the show.

>> Darin: Do you remember when I was talking about Hank the Sesame street bigot? Do you remember that?

>> Mike: That's. That's one of my favorite contributions that you've ever made to the show.

>> Darin: the story of Hank the Sesame street bigot was. I was going through some. I was going through some papers that I had in my desk at work. And, when I started on Twitter, I was writing, trying to write and post something like once an hour or something. I was really trying to get in there and make my name as, somebody on Twitter. So I had written Hank the Sesame Street Bigot on this notebook page. I don't remember the premise. I just remember that was the thing. And I still don't know what the premise was. Well, this happened to me again. I had this giant stack of receipts downstairs, near my office. I work from home, and Libby, she and I, we are cleaning up because family are. They're coming. And she says, there's a giant stack of paperwork. Do you want me to throw that away? And I'm like, oh, no, I gotta go through it. She says, you're gonna go through it? I said, yeah, I'm gonna go through it. So I'm going through the paperwork, and I find a list of potential titles for an episode of Irritable Dynamical Dad Syndrome. And one of them, neil Young knows how to eat Corn. I don't remember ever talking about Neil Young eating corn. But now I've got to go through the episode around the time of these, potential show titles. But I'm like, what the hell am I talking about? Neil Young knows how to eat corn.

>> Mike: What is that? I. You know, he's from Canada.

>> Darin: Of course he knows how to eat corn.

>> Mike: It's a true statement.

>> Darin: Yeah. Story goes nowhere. As it should. Yeah, as it should.


Mike M. hates mulch with a passion

I hate mulch.

>> Mike: I know you do.

>> Darin: I hate mulch.

>> Mike: I didn't know you do. I see it up on the screen.

>> Darin: I hate. I hate mulch. with a passion. I hate buying mulch. I hate hauling mulch. I keep opening up the bag.

>> Mike: I hate it so much. We don't do any of that stuff.

>> Darin: I hate spreading the. The mulch. And my joke every year is, why do we buy mulch? You get dirt, and then you put it on top of dirt. And then next year, you buy more dirt and you put it on top of that.

>> Mike: Exactly.

>> Darin: The people in the mulch industry are making money hand over fist because we are idiots who buy dirt and we put it on top of dirt.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And I was against it. And this year I'm like, we're not doing it this year. And it turns out we were, and we did.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And so we.

>> Mike: Do you get. Do you have, like, the big old dump truck come and dump it in your front yard?

>> Darin: We've done that before. Yeah, we have done that before. This year we opted not to do that.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: So. And since I don't have my, pos car anymore, we use Libby's car. And on Saturday, I had three trips to the Home Depot getting almost 30 bags of mulch.

>> Mike: Wow.

>> Darin: So the first time I'm there, I got eight bags of.

>> Mike: How much is a bag of mulch?

>> Darin: Mulch. Well, it's a good thing you asked Mike M. Because they had one brand of black mulch for 3.97, but, you could buy. You could buy the Vigoro, and it was three for ten. And that came in a two cubic foot bag, and the other one was a one and a half cubic foot bag.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: So you get more mulch for less money.

>> Mike: How much cash did you drop at the despot at the home? Desperate.

>> Darin: Spent so much money because I made three trips.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: About 30. 30 bags of.

>> Mike: 30 times, basically $4. You bought 120 doll dirt to put

>> Darin: on top of dirt.

>> Mike: That's not that bad.

>> Darin: I know, but it's not that bad. But I'm in line, and there's a woman in line ahead of me. 30. And of course, what do I do if there's a person in line ahead of me? I start talking to them. I start doing my mulch routine. Why are we buying mulch? You put dirt on top of dirt next year. Dirt, mulch. And I'm doing my mulch bit, and she thinks it's pretty funny. She's, laughing at me, and she tells me, and she's like, yeah, I wasn't gonna do mulch this year, but we've got new neighbors, and she just had to come out and put out tulips. So here I am.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And she says, here it is. I could be home watching the ponies, but no, I'm buying mulch.

>> Mike: Say, hell, watch the ponies.

>> Darin: She wanted to stay home and watch the Kentucky Derby, but instead her neighbor is planning tulips, and she can't have that because God forbid your neighbor have something nice, and then your yard doesn't have any mulch. Yeah. Who cares? Yeah, so

>> Mike: just go get some poison ivy seeds and throw them in your neighbor's toilet.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darin: That's exactly what you're supposed to gift

>> Mike: that keeps on giving all year round.


When you do mulch, do you pull all the weeds out

Well, let me ask. I'm curious real quick. Let's diverge here.

>> Darin: Are you. Are you changing topic?

>> Mike: No.

>> Darin: No, because I've got more molds.

>> Mike: I'm going off to the side.

>> Darin: Oh, more mulch.

>> Mike: Kids, we're doing a pit stop.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: When you do the mulch, do you pull all the weeds out or do you just go down on top?

>> Darin: You've got to pull the weeds out.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Yeah. You've got a weed, and you've got to, We rake out a majority of whatever leaves were left behind.

>> Mike: From the old mulch.

>> Darin: From the old. From. Just like.

>> Mike: What do you do with it? Put it in those refuse bags and put them out on the curb.

>> Darin: I put them in garbage bags to

>> Mike: let Johnny Trash guy take them away.

>> Darin: Johnny Trash comes and picks them up. I throw them in plastic trash bags. I had a friend of mine lecture me. You're not supposed to put leaves in plastic.

>> Mike: Yeah, they end up on A dolphin's head or something.

>> Darin: Yeah. You kill two sea turtles every time you throw away a bag of leaves and she says, you're supposed to put those in paper bags. I'm like, well, thank you very much.

>> Mike: Yeah. That's more from big paper.

>> Darin: That's right. And every time you buy a paper bag, you kill a tree.

>> Mike: That's right. So killing trees or killing dolphins? I'll tell you what you can't see. I watched a video. I am going to change the topic, but just briefly. We're still in the pit stop.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: I watched a video the other day. You know, dolphins are.

>> Darin: That's what I've heard.

>> Mike: They kill porpoises for fun.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: They don't eat them, they just kill them.

>> Darin: They're like the bullies of the sea.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Yeah. People who like, why don't you buy this tuna? This. If you buy this tuna, it doesn't hurt the dolphins.

>> Mike: I'm like, well, they had those little smiles, but they're not. They're not really happy.

>> Darin: No, they're not. They're horrible people. Yes.

>> Mike: Everybody gets. We. I mean, we got excited. We went to Destin, and we were out in the boat. We saw the dolphins. Everybody's like, oh, look at the dolphins. Look at the dolphin.

>> Darin: Ye.

>> Mike: Taking pictures of the dolphins. I didn't know what. What kind of jerks they were.

>> Darin: Yeah. My kids saw a dolphin once, and you know what the dolphin did?

>> Mike: What?

>> Darin: Flipped him. The finger.

>> Mike: See?

>> Darin: Yeah. Yeah. Had a tattoo. I hate dolphins.

>> Mike: Yeah.


Libby says she locks her car with her phone

>> Darin: But mulch back to the most.

>> Mike: Lady's trying to keep up with the tool.

>> Darin: She's trying to keep up with her tulip plant neighbor. And then I get up there and, I put my card into the thing, and it's not reading it. And the guy says, you ought to just tap that. I should. Should I tap it? So you should tap it. I'm like, well, so I'm just gonna tap it.

>> Mike: Yeah, tap.

>> Darin: He says. And he says, yes, go ahead and tap it. So I tapped it, and I said. I said, you know, I went. And this is another thing I do every place I go. I went to college. Why can't I run a credit card? one of these days, these cashiers, are going to be, like, in the same building. And I walk through. It's like. Like, you know him? Oh, yeah. He. He shopped at Home Depot. I see him at Kroger all the time. Did he do the bit about how he doesn't know how to use a credit card? Oh, he did that.

>> Mike: With you, too. They're gonna get on because I do

>> Darin: that everywhere I go. Yeah, but he. I told him, I said, I can't keep up with technology. And he goes, you and me both. He goes, why do people have to have their washer and dryer operate on their phone? Who needs to wash their clothes and operate it with their phone? And then you go up to your refrigerator and there's that big monitor. He says, I just need to open it up and get my food. And I'm like, wow, I've got Jerry Seinfeld here, you know? But I struck a nerve with him.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Because he was not happy with. With current technology.

>> Mike: See, I used to be like that, but now I am.

>> Darin: You've got washer and dryer that you operate with your.

>> Mike: Well, I mean, you just. It'll tell you what it's happening. And it's like, I know what's happening. I just put the clothes in there. I mean, there's a point where it's like, when you.

>> Darin: You're gonna be driving through Daytona, and realize, oh, I need to put it on a rim cycle.

>> Mike: One of these days, my toilet's gonna message me. I'm bullish right now. Yeah, I know. That's what I did to you. every day at 9 o', clock, it's like clockwork. But I, you know, my car. Longtime wrestlers, probably sick of hearing about my car. Oh, but I can lock the doors. I can lock the doors for my phone. You're like, why would you. Why don't you just press it when you leave? Well, I don't remember to press it when I leave. And I'm always getting ready for bed. And when I'm getting ready for bed, I look out the front window and what do I see? The car. And I'm like, ah. Did I lock my doors? No. How do I know that? Because the Toyota app has been messaging me left and right. Are you gonna lock your car? You gonna like your. You should lock your car. There's bandits about. You should lock.

>> Darin: You gotta tap.

>> Mike: And I just. I literally do. I tap it. I turn it around. What? No, I pull up the app and I push the button that says lock. And it waits. It does a little circly thing.

>> Darin: And then.

>> Mike: This is cool. This is cool because you look out the thing and you see your lights go. And then. And then the phone goes bleep and says, door lock. And I was like, no, bruh.

>> Darin: Ah.

>> Mike: That's badass.

>> Darin: So Libby locks the car with her fob.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Jacob locks his car with his fob.

>> Mike: Yeah.


Cameron locks his car with his fob

>> Darin: And Cameron locks his car with his fob. Yeah. And why am I saying fob? Because I like it when I drive any of their cars. I get out and I lock the door. I lock the door at the door and then I close it. Just because they're going to say, did you lock the car? I did. Are you sure? Oh, yeah, I'm positive. And they start getting a little twitchy because we didn't use the fob to do it. And eventually, inevitably, someone will lock it again. Like, I told you it was locked. I told you it was locked.

>> Mike: Speaking of technology, did we really have to get rid of the saloon doors? You remember those?

>> Darin: Oh, I love those things that just

>> Mike: like and then fling open.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Now they're just kicking open.

>> Darin: There ain't room in this town for the two of us.

>> Mike: That's why you have saloon doors that you go into some people's houses. They're the live left. Live people that have the saloon doors. You can't kick those in and say, I got a problem with your face. It doesn't work. But back in the day, that's every bar. That's how you went in the bar.

>> Darin: One last thing about technology. You think it's silly locking your car with your phone?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: My neighbor Chris Michael gets a notification whenever he gets mail.

>> Mike: Figures.

>> Darin: And I was telling Libby about that.

>> Mike: Hey, Chris Michael, your porn mag arrived.

>> Darin: Ding. Your copy of Sweaty Betty. Yes, sweaty.

>> Mike: So he get your licorice suppositories arrived.

>> Darin: So I told Libby that, and she goes, no, he doesn't like. Yes, he does. And she goes, why? because he's Chris Michael, that's why. So we were going on a walk, and I said, trust me, open up his mailbox. And she goes, okay. And then she opened it and she goes, well, when's it. Well, you're not going to hear the notification. So she closed it, and I said, do it again. She goes, oh, I don't. So I went over there and I opened it and I closed it. Open, close. Yeah, close, open, close.

>> Mike: You're dinging like crazy in there.

>> Darin: Next thing you know, Chris pops his head up in the window like, hey, what happened? I'm.

>> Mike: Hi.

>> Darin: I said, you never should have told me that. Yeah, because one time that we had, bad winds and the wind blew his mailbox door open, and all day long he was getting notifications whenever someone would drive past his house. He said he had like, 30 notifications that stay. And I said, chris, you never should have told me that.

>> Mike: Yeah.


Darren had a positive experience at Chick Fil A this week

>> Dave: It's time now for the Chick Fil A story of the week.

>> Darin: I went to Chick Fil A for dinner before I came to see you. Tonight.

>> Mike: Today. Tonight.

>> Darin: Tonight.

>> Mike: This day.

>> Darin: That's tonight. Yes. And, I'm very happy to say that I had a. Well, I almost had a completely 100 positive experience at Chick Fil A because when I went to order my food, the lady, working the register, she said, what's a good name for the order? And I said, darren. And she said, how do you spell that? And I said, dare. I said, D, A, R, I, N. And she goes, oh, okay. She goes, that's. I just wanted to make sure because, you know how some people, you know, have different spellings than names? And I said, you know what? I really appreciate you doing that because. And then I went into my first name, punchline monologue thing. I'll get Derek, Daryl, Dwayne, Damon, Damien, Darfin, Darwin, D? Ronius. What was the last one?

>> Mike: These nuts.

>> Darin: These nuts.

>> Mike: It's gotten that one once.

>> Darin: But I told her, I said, you know, I've been here before at this Chick Fil A when somebody called me Darwin. And she goes, this one. I said this one. So anyway, so she typed it all out and I put my credit card in the thing. I didn't do my bit about not knowing how to use the credit card. Yeah. But, I paid for my food and I didn't say thank you, but I said, you are a rock star. And she goes, oh, wow, thank you so much. And did I say, it's my pleasure? No, I went and I set my ass down. And then eventually another lady comes and she brings my food and she says, darian.

>> Mike: Oh my.

>> Darin: It's two syllables, Darren. It's like the lady at the. The first lady took the time to find out how I spell my name and then the second lady just can't read the second.

>> Dave: Okay, this has been the Chick Fil A story of the week.


Mike and Darwin talk about signing your name with your finger during voting

Now back to you, Mike and Darwin.

>> Mike: Did you vote today?

>> Darin: I did go and I voted today.

>> Mike: Yeah, see, I. That's part of the reason why the podcast started a little bit late. Because the voting, the whole, you know, defending democracy.

>> Darin: By the way, nobody knows that the party has started late because ain't nobody watching this.

>> Mike: Well, it just futzed up the whole thing. But you know, when you go there, you got to give them your ID to prove you are who you are.

>> Mike: They have an iPad and you have to sign your Name with your finger.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: And there's a picture when you flip it around.

>> Darin: Looks like a serial killer.

>> Mike: You flip it around and there's like your signature, your proper signature that you did with a pen. And then I use my finger to do it, which is. I mean, it looked nothing. it didn't even look like I was trying to create letters. It looks. Matter of fact, I stopped and went back to the middle of it and made a big mistake, which I don't do. Just me. And then an O to show the rest of it. And they flipped it around and they actually started looking at it. You can see their eyes look up, down, up, down. And they kept doing that. And the. The person next to her, like, leaned over and I was this close to saying, you gotta be kidding me. There's no way that this is. That they look the same.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: You guys realize the physics of this, right? There's one is I'm using my fingers, I'm using my digits for a very specific and precise movement across a piece of paper. The other one is I'm wielding a sausage finger from over a table on a greasy Covid covered feces pad. And you're trying to compare those two, but they're like, looks legit to me. And then they give me the, you know, democracy card and I take it over and I proceed to look up these people on my phone while I'm trying to vote because I don't know who the hell they are or what they're doing.

>> Darin: You know how you ever get one of those pins that. That doesn't write.

>> Mike: And so you.

>> Darin: You, Right, you're scribbling with them. That's what my signature looks like. It looks like the sheet of paper that you're trying to get the pen to work before you actually sign your name before we go.

>> Mike: The signature is stupid.

>> Darin: Yes, yes. But absolutely show them the id.

>> Mike: I'm not again, it.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: I'm not fur it either.

>> Darin: Well, it's like Nate Brigazzi when he went to the airport.

>> Mike: Oh, yeah. And this is Nathan and Nathaniel.

>> Darin: Nathaniel. He says, you know, it's like when they find out that I go by Nate, that's gonna open Pandora's box. And it's like. Well, there's not really much you can do about this. There is. Yeah, there is.

>> Mike: You know, I met a guy, his name's Antonio. And I just. I, Good natured. I try to be good natured. Believe it or not, I don't turn into a. Until you've known me for A year or two. But I just said, what do you go by? You go by Tony Tonio? And he just paused for an uncomfortable amount of time and said, antonio. I was like, oh, cool. Okay.

>> Darin: All right.

>> Mike: Hold on. Mr. Banderas, I'm sorry that I offered up alternative ways of saying your name.

>> Darin: I've got a kid named Jacob, and some people want to call him Jake. And he's like. Like, no, I'm not Jake. Yeah, I. He doesn't look like a Jake. He doesn't act like a Jake. Not like there's anything wrong with people named Jake. Yeah, but he's Jacob. And then, you know, my son Cameron has always gone by Cameron. Very few people, if any, call him Cam.

>> Mike: Cam's a pretty cool Cam.

>> Darin: Cam's not bad.

>> Mike: Sounds like it goes in the car.

>> Darin: Yeah, but that's cool. That's the cam shaft. Yeah.

>> Dave: What's the most memorable moment from irritable dad syndrome? Tell us now on our Facebook or at our website, Irritable Dad Syndrome.com.


Darren Cricket: Irritable Dad Syndrome is Cincinnati's comedy podcast

>> Darin: Before we go, I wanted you to know, Mike, that you have influenced one other person in my family, and that is Libby. And now Libby has started to talk like, mike, we went to Subway the other day, and she said, what kind of sandwich you gonna get? I said, I'm gonna get a turkey sandwich. She says, you're gonna get a turkey. I'm like, oh, my God.

>> Mike: It's.

>> Darin: Are you serious? Now Libby has gone. It's full.

>> Mike: So mean, and it's stupid. It's so stupid. That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Charlie walks around the house doing it constantly now.

>> Darin: Yeah. Do your kids start doing anything that I do?

>> Mike: No, I doubt it.

>> Darin: I doubt it. Seriously. yeah. Thanks a lot, honey.

>> Mike: It's infected your family.

>> Darin: It's infected us all right?

>> Mike: The problem is I get these urge. I get the urge to do these things at very inappropriate times. Like, you know, when I was asked to be. This time, you know, they're not gonna let me vote if I do that. I'm pretty sure that's in the constitution. You can't let somebody that's doing that

>> Darin: vote if you're mentally unstable.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Lord, yeah. Oh, guys, we're gonna go. We want you to go to irritable dadsyndrome.com and you can download every episode with that. We have. And you can go to Patreon if you want to help us out financially. That would mean the world to us.

>> Mike: Boy, that would be fun.

>> Darin: That would be great. And you'd feel better about it in the morning, you could, you know, just get up with a purpose and just like, you know what? I'm a decent person now. I'm not a pathetic loser like I was yesterday before I became a Patreon member of Irritable Dad Syndrome. We hope to see you next week on Irritable Dancing.

>> Mike: That uncomfortable pause was. Darren expected me to contribute.

>> Dave: Irritable dad Syndrome was videotaped before a live studio audience.

>> Mike: Let's go live.

>> Darin: yes. Yes, please.

>> Mike: Give it to him.

>> Darin: Hi, I'm Mike.

>> Mike: I'm Darren.

>> Darin: Welcome to Irritable Dad Syndrome, Cincinnati's comedy podcast. This is episode 308. Welcome. Hi. How you doing? Now, we're glad that you're here.

>> Mike: Yeah, we pulled the old waffle stomp on you there. Did,

>> Darin: We heard you,

>> Mike: Darren Cricket. And that's how we roll. He used to be, I'm gonna mutilate this fact because I don't remember the accuracy of it. He was like a. He ra. Did something physical. He wants me to sign in the battle net.

>> Darin: Battle net. What the hell? What's wrong with me today? Shake your groove thing, baby.

>> Mike: Why did you do that?

>> Darin: I, Do what? That's not what I told you to do. Oh, you putting the rundown on the. On the screen? Yeah. Oh, man, that would be. That would be fun. Tastic.


All right, I'm going to let everybody know. You ready? I am ready. Take this pot and shove it. Now. Recording stopped

>> Mike: All right, I'm going to let everybody know. You ready?

>> Darin: I am ready.

>> Mike: It's done. It's woofed. It's woofed out.

>> Darin: There it is.

>> Mike: I don't even want to be in the same room with myself now.

>> Darin: Huge.

>> Mike: He's Mr. Hug. Now.

>> Darin: You're doing it.

>> Mike: Oh, I got a little head rush there.

>> Darin: Yeah, I was already on my phone

>> Mike: around just like,

>> Darin: dude, you clocked out 25 minutes ago.

>> Mike: I just walked out. Take this pot and shove it.

>> Darin: Did you ever open a package of hot dogs and that weird, greasy hot dog water is dribbling out, and you wonder what's up with that? Why are hot dogs wet?

>> Mike: Recording stopped.