IDS #288 - Eat Your Christmas Butter!

Do you have crazy uncles who give away fireworks at Christmas? Has a conga line ever traveled over your waterbed at a party? Is it ok to use more than one roll of the same wrapping paper? These questions and more are discussed on our festive Christmas episode. Dave Lay steps in as host with appearances from "Weird" Al Yankovic, Southern Culture on the Skids, Shadoe Stevens, Mike Chisholm and Dave's wife, Michelle. Merry Christmas from all of us at Irritable Dad Syndrome!

#CHRISTMAS #SOUTHERNCULTUREONTHESKIDS #LITTLEDEBBIE #PODCAST #IRRITABLEDADSYNDROME #COMEDY

Transcript

Mike and Darren are taking a couple weeks off to celebrate the holidays

>> Dave: Hi, this is Dave Lay. Mike and Darren are taking a couple weeks off to celebrate the holidays with their families. Before they took off, they asked if I would mind hosting the show. I was like, sure, no problem. I mean, it's not like I have anything to do at Christmas, right? But I digress. Anywho, this Christmas episode is going to be special. It features three brand new Christmas stories and some classic holiday clips from years past. You're gonna love it. So pour some eggnog and get jolly with Mike and Darren.

>> Darin: So, Mike, years ago, when I lived in Johnson City and I had my very first apartment, I decided to throw a Christmas party. And this thing was epic. I mean, we ended up having probably 50 people come and into an apartment. An apartment, okay. We had, we had some holiday, punch, which is basically lime Sherbert and Sprite and then you can add, vodka. Oh, oh, oh, oh, man.

>> Mike: Some Christmas cheer.

>> Darin: That was some, that was some Christmas punch. Because I remember I had made a big old batch of punch. My neighbor comes over and he's giggling hysterically and he puts his arm around, he's just, he. I was like, what's so funny? And he says, I added a bottle of vodka to your punch. I said, oh, really? You know, it already has a bottle of vodka. He goes, oh. So the party was on a Friday. Monday morning, my friend Julie comes into work, still a wreck, and she's like, darren, what did you put in that punch? How many glasses of punch did you have? she said, like seven. The party was epic, okay? And then some of my co workers asked, don't you bother your neighbors with the music so loud. I said, dude, my neighbors are here. My neighbors on the right, my neighbors on the left were there. Everybody was having a fantastic time. And we had hired a new news director. He had been at our company, I don't know, a couple of weeks probably. And I'm not going to mention his name, although I doubt seriously he would be offended that I mentioned his name. But I asked him for the conversation. We'll call him Zachary. Zachary, you're invited to my Christmas party. And he says, oh, I don't know, you, you kids and your loud music. And, it'll be, I'll just be, I'll be in the way. And I don't know that anyone's gonna have fun with the news director there. And I don't know, I don't think so, but thanks. I said, well, here's my address. I want you to come, please come. If you Feel like it. And we would love it if you were there. He showed up. Oh, he showed up. And he's, for the longest time, was standing in the corner, just casually talking, drinking a beer, having a good time. And then the. The more the night went on, eventually he takes off his jacket, starts talking more, starts telling jokes. Eventually he's dancing. The next thing you know, he is leading a, conga line.

>> Mike: Okay. Okay.

>> Darin: He leads the conga line into the kitchen. He turns the conga line around and comes back through the living room. He takes the conga line up the stairs. Okay. Okay. He takes the conga line into my bedroom. Yeah, the entire conga line, which is probably like 22 people or something. Go over my waterbed.

>> Mike: Yeah, a water around.

>> Darin: Yes, I had a water at the time. Back down. And this is our news director. Okay. and everybody is having the time of their life doing a conga with this guy. It was so much fun. And it was shortly afterwards where he looks and goes, well, I'm, going home. I said, no, no, no, no, you're not. So I grabbed a couple of the girls there. I'm like, we need to figure out how to get him home. So Amy decided she would drive his car home. And then Natalie followed Amy back and then got her car back to her. And we made sure that he got home safely. And so Monday, we're at the TV station, we're having our morning news meeting and about to wrap up, and our news director says, darren, I. Can you talk? Come back here. I need to talk to you for a second. I said, okay. I thought I was in trouble. He closes the door and says, okay. Thank you so much for not letting me drive home. You're welcome. And then he said, that was a great time. And I said, it was a great time. And I'm so happy that he came. And it was absolutely one of my best Christmas memories.

>> Mike: Awesome.

>> Darin: Yeah. Yeah.

>> Mike: Hey, this is Rick from Southern Culture on the Skids, and you are listening to Irritable Dad Syndrome.


Bess: Darren, you disagree with me on Christmas wrapping etiquette

>> Darin: Merry Christmas. I started the Christmas season off right by pissing off your wife as soon as I came into the One.

>> Mike: Okay. That's another thing. I am a relatively nice person. Yeah, Bess, I've said this many times. Is the nicest person I've ever met.

>> Darin: Very nice.

>> Mike: However, we each have our trigger topics.

>> Mike: And boy howdy, did you step on the ACME explosive trigger topic?

>> Darin: I did not mean to.

>> Mike: Did you notice how everything went cold and serious? Like it was a warm, inviting room and it just Went, she's gonna be.

>> Darin: So mad at me the next time I come by. And God forbid, when we record this podcast and I have to leave and I'm like, bye, Beth. She's gonna be like, screw you.

>> Mike: She's. Dude, she's Italian, man. Do you know what that means?

>> Darin: Yes, I do.

>> Mike: Will cut your ass. And she knows people that can get rid of you. Went cold. It went cold.

>> Darin: So this fast? Yeah. This is what happened. I walked in and there were three rolls of wrapping paper, Christmas wrapping paper on the table, and two of them were the same.

>> Mike: You opened your big ass mouth.

>> Darin: I just thought this would be a haha moment. I said, oh, you've got two of the same wrapping paper. You can't do that.

>> Mike: Ladies and gentlemen, if I could have jumped out the window at that point, my fight or flight response triggered at that moment, literally my heart. I come the closest to having a heart attack at that moment because I had no warning that you were going to act the damn fool in my house with my wife like that. Say some stupid like that. But you. You went right for it.

>> Darin: But this is the crazy thing, because you disagree with me 94% of the time.

>> Mike: I think I agree with you on this one.

>> Darin: And you're like, no, you can't do that.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Because I said. I said, okay. I'm kidding about the two. Actually, I'm not. You can't buy two of the same rolls of wrapping paper. And when you wrap presents, you can't have two presents touching underneath the tree of the same paper. If you wrap two gifts.

>> Mike: No, Darren, I don't agree with you at all. I think you're crazy.

>> Darin: Can't touch. You can't.

>> Mike: I don't agree with anything you're saying, and I think it's stupid.

>> Darin: Yeah. So over the years, I have, acquired. Purchased a lot of wrapping paper at the end of one Christmas, the day after, two days after, I will go. Last year, I went with my mom and we bought probably 20 rolls of wrapping paper each. Right. And it's like you bring it home and so I've got this ginormous box that has all my wrapping paper in it. Yeah. And I. The goal is to try and wrap every present in a different paper.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Do I have to do that? No.

>> Mike: It's fun. It's festive.

>> Darin: I think it is festive too. I really do. And I can't believe that you agree with me on this, but I will wrap my presents in different paper and then go off and I'll do what I do is, like, earn money for my family to eat.

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darin: And to keep the lights on.

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darin: You know, I'm a hunter gatherer.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Darin: I'll come home and find out that my wife has wrapped.

>> Darin: Two, three, sometimes four Christmas presents in the same paper. And I'm like, what? No. God, please, no, no, no. What are you doing?

>> Mike: I agree with her 100%. I support everything she's doing in that endeavor.

>> Darin: I'm like, why do I have all of this wrapping paper if you're gonna use it to wrap six, seven presents? On the. When we first started dating, she had an apartment about the size of a meat cooler at Winn Dixie. Okay. She had a very, very, very small apartment. And she had, a little t. Teeny tiny tree. And she went. And what did she do? She bought one tube of wrapping paper.

>> Mike: What the hell was that?


She was wrapping all her presents in solid blue paper. And I'm thinking, that ain't Christmas

>> Darin: And it was solid blue. And she was wrapping all her presents in the solid blue paper. And I'm just like, that ain't Christmas. You're killing me. It's just like, you know, and I was, you know. And, I was madly just infatuated with her. And I was like. And I'm thinking, darren, you got to let this go. You got to let it go. Got to let the wrapping paper go. And then I'm like, what are you doing? Why are you wrapping everything in one package of, Why? Why? You can't doing it. What? And she says, what does it matter? And she's.

>> Mike: I mean, you're killing Christmas. I didn't say.

>> Darin: And she's, you know, beautiful, absolutely gorgeous. Okay. And then I'm like, darren, let this go. This is not. This is not the hill you're going to die on.

>> Mike: I love how you pepper these, actually. Beautiful and gorgeous. Because I know what's happening as you're listening to this right now in your house through Alexa.

>> Mike: And she's staring at you with the cold, hard gaze of death. And you're pointing at. Out at the points where you're talking about how wonderful she is.

>> Darin: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know what we did? That tube of blue wrapping paper.

>> Mike: What?

>> Darin: The next year that we were together, I didn't use it. The year after, I didn't use it. I held on to that. I'm a sentimental guy, okay. I held on to that wrapping paper for, 20 years. And last year I wrapped something in it, and I said, hey, I wrapped something in our blue wrapping paper. She's like, I don't remember. Yeah, okay, you don't Even remember that's our wrapping paper we bonded over. Even though. Yeah. No, no, yeah.

>> Mike: Way, way, way, way, way.

>> Darin: Merry Christmas, everybody.


Fun thing for you guys to do is if you get into a relationship, that's the first test

>> Mike: Fun thing for you guys to do is if you get into a relationship, that's the first test is the Christmas paper thing. Because I, like, you grew up with a plethora, a plethora of wrapping paper.

>> Darin: A lot, A lot of them,

>> Mike: All over the place. And it was very colorful under the tree. And one of the first times that we went to go get wrapping paper way, way early, she got a couple of tubes of the same type of paper. Who?

>> Darin: the.

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darin: Okay. Yes.

>> Mike: And I like you innocently. I thought I innocently was questioning what the hell are you doing? Right. And she, you know in Lord of the Rings where Galadriel gets the. She's like, Frodo hands her the ring and she'll. I'll become a doom, a prophet. And she turns like it's black and she's like a dark lord.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: And everybody freaks out. And then she takes it back and she's like, I can't touch that. And you're like, jesus, what happened to the elf lady? Yeah, that's the same transformation happened, just not an hour ago upstairs when you dared question.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: The wrapping paper situation. And I had the same.

>> Darin: Like, I did not mean to, though.

>> Mike: See, I almost turned into Gollum, dude. I almost went down on all fours and was ready to run around and chew somebody's finger off and jump in the lava. I was scared.

>> Darin: Yep. But you see, here's the thing. It's like, I can cross that line with my wife because then I'm like, okay, fine, I'm sleeping on the couch. I like sleeping on the couch. Our couch is very comfortable. I can make my own breakfast. I try. But now I've crossed the line with your wife.

>> Mike: Yeah, I've. I was trying to be a little less spineless. I did come to your defense for a smidgen there. because I said, yeah, Darren, I agree with you. And that dark look waver. And she didn't look right at me, but she wavered over like.

>> Darin: I thought she looked through you.

>> Mike: It gave it. It was the old, we're going to talk about this later.

>> Darin: we're gonna talk on the ride.

>> Mike: You better not talk about this on your fun little. Your fun little podcast or whatever you two middle aged dorks call that thing.

>> Darin: Yeah, yeah, yeah. We just spent 15 minutes talking about. Okay, yeah, great.

>> Mike: But, yeah, I agree with it. Just one paper is all you need.

>> Darin: All you need Mike.


Do you have any crazy uncles at Christmas? No, I don't

Do you have any crazy uncles?

>> Mike: No, I don't. Actually. I don't. I do not.

>> Darin: You know. Okay.

>> Mike: I have an uncle. I just don't. He's not crazy.

>> Darin: He's not. Okay. Because I have a couple of crazy uncles who I think of every year at Christmas, and one of them is my Uncle Galen, who just passed away this week. And, he, was a nut. Guy was absolutely a nut. He had a nickname for every one of us kids. I was Tippy because I walked on my tiptoes when I was a kid. Okay. And when I got older.

>> Mike: Not because of the bris.

>> Darin: No, no, no. That's a callback to a few episodes. A few weeks ago. He called me Tippy, and then, later on in life, he called me Perina, but as the Purina Dog Chow. Huh? Because it kind of sounds like Darren. Yeah, I don't know. But, my brother was Swarpy, and then my cousin Melanie. Swarpy. My cousin Melanie, he called her Randy. And of course, I was so jealous, of my cousin Brandon, and I. And I just vehemently was just very upset with him because he got the nickname Skull. Oh. So everyone else had these really badass nicknames. My Uncle Galen called Brandon Skull. Skull, he would say as soon as he'd walk in. So anyway, Galen was a nut. And every year at Christmas time, Galen would give all the kids for Christmas firecrackers. Okay? And so here it is. There's, like, 3ft of snow out in the yard, and it's 8 degrees, and all the kids like, mom, please, can I please go out and let out the fireworks? So not only are you risking hypothermia, you're risking blowing off your thumb come. Which since it's so cold, you wouldn't even know that you did that.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: But anyway, every year at Christmas, he would give us firecrackers, and we would go out and let him off in the snow. But, yeah, he passed away. And miss. him. But again, just an absolute nut. But now that was on my dad's side of the family. On m. My mom's side of the family, I had an Uncle Fran. Okay. His, real name is Francis M. Some people he worked with called him Frank, but everybody I knew called him Fran. Okay? Fran loved to drink, he loved to smoke cigarettes, and he loved telling inappropriate jokes at the most inappropriate times.

>> Mike: Standard.

>> Darin: Uncle Standard. Yeah, Standard issue. Yeah, exactly. And there, Oh, my God, I can't even repeat. after the podcast, I will tell you his Greatest prank that he played on a waitress. And in Lafayette, Indiana. So inappropriate. Especially, it's Christmas time. I can't do that. There's one year at Christmas. We're all at my grandmother's house in Lafayette, Indiana, and Fran kind of disappeared. And we didn't know where he went. He'd been gone for, not forever, but for a while. And, the kids were little. I mean, I was probably in my teens, but some of my nephews were really little. Next thing you hear, oh, oh, Merry Christmas. It's Uncle Fran. Uncle Fran comes up from the basement, full Santa Claus outfit. Merry Christmas. My cousin Dustin, his eyes were as big as saucers. He thought, oh, my God, that is Santa Claus. Now, I'm surprised that Dustin didn't figure it out, because in one hand, Santa Claus had a beer, and in the other hand, Santa had his cigarette. Santa was sweating profusely. Oh. Oh, Jesus Christ. Just wiping sweat off his swipe and sweat off his forehead. And his wig got all messed up. Oh, Santa needs a beer. so there's a picture somewhere. And I reached out to one of my cousins. I hope we can find it. But there's a picture somewhere of Santa with my cousins Donnie and Dustin. And Santa's got the beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other. One of my greatest Christmas memories.

>> Mike: You can find that? That's the Christmas card this year?

>> Darin: Absolutely.

>> Dave: Hi, I'm Shadow Stevens wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

>> Mike: Ho, ho, ho, ho.


Is Bess hard to shop for sometimes? Yes and no

>> Darin: Is Bess hard to shop for?

>> Mike: Yes, and no.

>> Darin: Okay. Because sometimes Libby can be.

>> Mike: Yeah, I found Bess's present in two seconds.

>> Darin: Oh, okay.

>> Mike: like, I'm starting shopping now. Holy crap. That's. I have to get that for her. But I gave it. See, when you have kids, you got to pick something that the kid's gonna get your wife. You know, it's like, Andrew, why don't you get that for mom? Yeah, exactly why she likes it. Just get it right, you know? And then I, I, I still have to figure something out.

>> Darin: So sometimes my wife can be difficult, to shop for Sometimes.

>> Mike: Buy a wrapping paper, wrap it up in multi types of wrapping paper.

>> Darin: People think that I'm copying out or I'm taking the easy way out, but. But I do like to buy her gift cards. Okay, you can't screw up a gift card. One year I bought her, I gave her, like $100 cash. She took it to the bank and changed it for five twenties. Okay, but she likes gift cards because she likes to shop. She does enjoy shopping. Okay. So sometimes I'll get her the gift card. But one year, she wanted shoes. And I said, no, I'm not doing this, because when you ask for shoes, I never know, the style, the size, if you're. What color. I don't know if any of that stuff. And it's a guessing game. And women's clothes and women's shoes are just an enigma wrapped inside a mystery I don't understand anything about.

>> Mike: I don't go there at all. I have no idea. I don't. I don't know, understand any.

>> Darin: So she says, I'm going to make it really easy for you. I found this pair of shoes. Okay. So she gives me all the information. She gives me the store, the address.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: She gives me the UPC code.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Okay. The color, the price.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And the size.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I've got six things to go on. I'm like, I can do this. Yeah. I go to the store at that address. Okay. And then I find an employee.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I said, can you help me find these? Because I've got, the photograph. And she says, sure. So we go. We find the. The shoe, the size, the color.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: It matched the upc.

>> Mike: Oh.

>> Darin: And it was the price. So all six things were a match.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: There's no possible way I'm gonna.

>> Mike: This is the. This is the cup of a carpenter.

>> Darin: Yes. Yes. Yeah.

>> Mike: You've chosen wisely.

>> Darin: Yeah. So I buy the shoes, I go home, I wrap the shoes.

>> Mike: Yep.

>> Darin: Christmas, morning, she opens them. Oh, wow.

>> Mike: Thanks.

>> Darin: These are great. Oh, you got me.

>> Mike: You got me the thing.

>> Darin: Yeah. Great. And I saved Christmas, Right?

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Two days later, she returns them.


She goes, I changed my mind. I was like, what? Yeah. Wow. You were so proud of yourself

I was like, what?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: She goes, I changed my mind.

>> Mike: You were so proud of yourself.

>> Darin: Yeah, I was so proud of myself.

>> Mike: Wow.

>> Darin: Yeah. Yeah.


Elizabeth: There are a few things that I look forward to most on Christmas

>> Dave: Time now for the Weird Al Yankovic song segment of the week.

>> Mike: It's Christmas at ground zero.

>> Dave: This has been the Weird Al Yankovic song segment of the week.

>> Mike: Your wife. Yes.

>> Darin: My God.

>> Mike: Bess.

>> Darin: Yeah, Bess.

>> Mike: Elizabeth.

>> Darin: Elizabeth. So, there's a few things in this world that I look forward to the most on Christmas. One is my friend Leanne Bowman, who I went to high school and college with. She has this amazing photo of her when she was a little girl sitting on Santa's lap. And she's crying. She's bawling, screaming like blood. Red eyes. Tears. Visible tears come down her cheeks. Santa's holding her off his lap. Santa looks hungover. His. Okay, you can see the tattoo on his arm.

>> Mike: That's the Title of this episode, Santa.

>> Dave: Lips hung over his.

>> Darin: And she posts, it every year. And I love that she posted every year. And it's like it's not Christmas until I see that picture from my friend Leanne. So I've started doing every year at Christmas time, I post a picture. When my kids were little, we have some Christmas stuffed animals. I don't know why my kids, I don't remember where they got the handcuffs, but we have handcuffs that they used to play with. They handcuffed Mickey Mouse and Kermit the Frog together. And they were laying on the floor and we took a photo of it and it looks like the last scene from Saw before Carrie always cuts off his own foot. So. Okay.

>> Mike: Spoiler.

>> Darin: Yeah. Yeah. Oh, sorry. So. But your wife added a new photo into my Christmas. Gotta look at memories.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: your boys are decorating the Christmas tree.

>> Mike: Beautiful moment.

>> Darin: But the boys. Oh yeah, they're decorating the tree.

>> Mike: It was our new tree, by the way.

>> Darin: Yeah. Adorable. There they are putting ornaments and lights on the tree. And then the foreground is, Mike's dog Booba, humping his other dog, Marbles, tumbling around the Christmas tree. We have a happy holiday.

>> Mike: Here's a fun fact. Booba was assigned female at birth and identifies as a female.

>> Darin: She does, Marvel identifies as a freak.

>> Mike: Now Marbles was assigned male at birth. He has no balls. Those.

>> Darin: He's hap.

>> Mike: That's what happens when you neuter.

>> Darin: He's. He's an animal. That's right.

>> Mike: Is that. Was that called Spade?

>> Darin: No, Spade is when you make a girl cat no longer able to have.

>> Mike: Oh, neutered. I used the right word.

>> Darin: Neuterous boy Spade as well. Have your pet spayed or neutered.

>> Mike: I'm just saying watching the female dog hump the male dog.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: It just.

>> Darin: And it's like something out of New.

>> Mike: York out of freaking of a Christmas tree that your children are decorating. He was about as Norman Rockwell as we get. He was amazing.


Charlie says he hears buzzing from Christmas tree when it's plugged in

>> Darin: I've been humming up and around the Christmas tree for like five days now.

>> Mike: So we, we have this Christmas tree.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: That we've had for year. I don't know how we acquired it. I still. I'm sure if I think about it enough, I'll remember. It was a. It's a self lit tree. Put pre lit.

>> Darin: Pre lit.

>> Mike: And it, it was like you put the bottom thing in and you put the middle and then you have to screw the plug together.

>> Darin: Oh, really?

>> Mike: Yeah. And then the top and you have to Screw that together and then you plug it in as a button that changes settings. Yeah, well, it's always been wonky. The past couple years it's been a little wonky. M. And this year when we plugged it in, Charlie, it's like someone blew a dog whistle.

>> Mike: In the house. He looked over, he's like, what's that buzzing? And I'm like, I don't hear any buzzing. And he. Okay, Boomer, you don't hear that? I don't hear the, the buzzing. I don't think there's buzzing. I got my ear right up to it and he's about three feet away from the electrical receptacle. Electric receptor. The cord, the, the. What is that called? Outlet.

>> Darin: The outlet.

>> Mike: Good lord, what's that? He's about three feet away from it. I've got my big fat head with my ear right on it. I can't hear a damn thing.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: He's like, how do you not hear that? And he's like, make m doing this each time he thinks it. And I'm starting to think you're messing with me.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: You know, and then Andrew across the room said, yeah, I hear it. And best didn't hear it. We didn't hear it. And then they, Andrew and Charlie start talking loudly about me and Bess. In front of us, I got a preview of what it's going to be like when we're in our 80s.

>> Darin: You ready for your pills, dad?

>> Mike: Andrew says, yeah, they can't hear because they're old. Uh-huh. And then Charlie says, yeah, they've got boomer ears. They can't hear the thing. and Andrew looked at me and said, it's science. Yes, science. You can't hear the higher frequencies.

>> Darin: And I'm like, you're the scientist, you know. I said, you're like, okay, Boomer, what is an electron?

>> Mike: I said, charlie, what are you actually hearing? So he was hearing buzzing from the wiring. And then Andrew was saying yes too. So he was already having trouble lighting. And now this is happening. I was like, charlie, we're gonna throw money at the problem.

>> Mike: Get in the car. We're going to Home Depot. We're buying a tree. He lost his mind. He was so excited.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: I don't know if you've been tree shopping lately.

>> Darin: M. Yeah, last year.

>> Mike: Nice one. Yeah. Okay, so you probably, you've got a modern mom.

>> Darin: Bought one last year.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And you plug it in, you put the bottom down, you put the middle. All you do is just drop it in, and it comes on. You drop the top part, it comes on.

>> Mike: That's what this thing does. And it has a remote control.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: To control the multi.

>> Darin: Does it have an app? Can you turn your tree on? Like, if you're in Kentucky?

>> Mike: That was one level up.

>> Darin: We didn't want to go there.

>> Mike: Anyway, we got this. Now Booba won't come to bed.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: Booba loves to. To sleep on the couch in front of the Christmas tree. And then when Marbles comes around, humping.

>> Darin: Ah.


Senior moment story: I forgot that we had a Christmas tree up

>> Mike: And. But we've got this amazing Christmas tree. So to continue my senior moment story, I'm cooking. Last night, I made stir fry. Oh, you saw. Andrew was eating the stir fry because Marbles ate his.

>> Darin: Ate his spaghetti. Yep.

>> Mike: I forgot that we had a Christmas tree up.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: And it was on a setting that goes, like, brightness.

>> Darin: Oh, it doesn't make that noise. No. Okay.

>> Mike: But, like, I'm wanting. This is, an audio podcast. They can't.

>> Darin: The. For people.

>> Mike: The video people can see what I'm brighter.

>> Darin: And then it gets dimmer. Brighter. Dimmer.

>> Mike: So if you're dimmer, you've been. You've been in our house.

>> Darin: Oh, I'm in your house right now.

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: If you're in the kitchen and all the lights are off except for the kitchen lights, and you suddenly see a flash come, from the living room.

>> Darin: You think aliens are in the house.

>> Mike: Or that something caught a flame.

>> Darin: Oh. Oh. Or.

>> Mike: Yeah, so.

>> Darin: Or Jesus.

>> Mike: So I almost dropped yesterday. And for Andrew, tonight's dinner, thinking that our house was exploding.

>> Darin: Okay. Silently.

>> Mike: Completely forgot.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: That we bought a Christmas tree.

>> Darin: You can't hear, so I can't hear.

>> Mike: That's right. Yeah.


This segment is brought to you by Little Debbie's Christmas Tree cakes

>> Dave: This portion of our show is brought to you by Little Debbie's Christmas Tree cakes, now celebrating 40 years of goodness. Oh, my wife is here. Hi, baby.

>> Darin: Hi, honey.

>> Dave: Little Debbie's tree cakes are so delicious. I can't seem to get enough of these things. Excuse me while I open one up.

>> Darin: Mmm. M. I love these.

>> Mike: What are you doing?

>> Dave: Cutting a commercial. Right now at Kroger, you can pick up a five count package.

>> Darin: You are getting crumbs everywhere.

>> Dave: Yeah, I know. It's okay. Right now at Kroger, you can pick up a five count package.

>> Mike: Oh, gosh.

>> Darin: There are crumbs all over your computer.

>> Mike: Don't worry about it.

>> Darin: It'll be fine. Oh, gross.

>> Dave: Oh, sorry. I guess I will have to clean that up.

>> Darin: You're disgusting. You make me sick.

>> Dave: Little Debbie Christmas tree cakes. Mmm.

>> Darin: I'd like to wish everybody a merry Christmas. Hi, Mike. Merry Christmas to you.

>> Mike: Merry Christmas, Darren.

>> Darin: We have Mike Chisholm with us and Mike is in Canada. Mike, do they have Christmas in Canada?

>> Mike: Yes, but up here it's a very sad occasion.

>> Darin: Why?

>> Mike: No, we've got Christmas.

>> Darin: Yeah, yeah.

>> Mike: Yes, we have Christmas up here.

>> Darin: Do you put lights on your mood?

>> Mike: We had the Sears catalog too.

>> Darin: Oh, God. You know, I used to love the Sears catalog.

>> Mike: Of course, we all did. Canadian, American. The wish book was the thing.

>> Darin: Yeah, I'd go through the Sears catalog and I would instantly go to all the Star wars figures.

>> Mike: Me too.

>> Mike: And G.I. joe. I did Star wars and G.I. joe.

>> Mike: I double dipped.

>> Darin: I like G.I. joe, but I was never into G.I. joe.

>> Mike: Well, they had elbows and knees that moved. That's what made them better.

>> Darin: But no, I was so into my Star wars figures, I couldn't get enough of my Star wars action figures. And I had, I loved Hot Wheels cars too, when I was a little kid.


Do you have any unique Christmas traditions that your family does

But, what are some of your. Do you have any unique Christmas traditions.

>> Mike: That your family does other than the sacrifices?

>> Mike: Well, I mean, who doesn't? You know, we're looking for something unique.

>> Mike: I mean, this is.

>> Darin: That caught me off guard. Yeah, yeah. No, because I asked because, years ago, my mother in law, she's been gone for, for quite a while now. She bought. Everybody was gathering together and she bought this thing for like the white Christmas or whatever. For the. Everybody would draw a name. I don't know what you call it.

>> Mike: Sure.

>> Darin: Secret Santa. We are going to turn Secret Santa into Yankee Swap. She bought this. I think it's a napkin holder. Okay. It was this green glass napkin holder. And it was so ugly when they opened it, we're like, oh, my God, what is this? And everybody was, laughing about how ugly this napkin. I think it's a napkin holder. How ugly it was. And then it turned into a big thing and everybody started laughing about it. And we decided that it was so ugly that one person should not be able to keep it. And we hand it around every year we'd have a drawing to see who gets to get the green thing. Okay. Yeah. And who gets to keep the green thing. And then you keep it for a year. And when you get the green thing, you have to prominently display it in your home. You can't just m. Can't keep it in a box. You got to put it on a shelf, put it on your coffee table, put it somewhere where it can be visibly seen. And then after three or four Years we decided that not only would you give the green thing, but you would buy something that goes with the green thing.

>> Mike: like napkins?

>> Darin: Well, no, like, my mind. My father in law bought salt and pepper shakers that were kind of close to it. And then my sister in law found a plate that actually matched the green thing. And so we would do that. You. That kind of got out of control. But then we just.

>> Mike: Can I tell you what I would add to it if it would. If I would have gotten it?

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: A kitten.

>> Mike: Yeah, there you go.

>> Darin: Don't give me a kitten. Do not give me a kitten. But no.


Do you have any Christmas traditions? Do you do anything

Do you have any Christmas traditions? Do you do anything? Like, when do you open presents? Christmas Eve, Christmas Day.

>> Mike: Yeah. I'll tell you this, growing, up, one of my favorite Christmas traditions was that I got to open one presentation on Christmas Eve and I dug that. A lot of the time it was a hit. Like a Nintendo game.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And it's smart because then. Oh yeah, Michael's downstairs.

>> Darin: He's fine.

>> Mike: He just got a new game. We're gonna, you know, get a little break from Michael.

>> Darin: so I'm sure that was a.

>> Mike: Tradition that was like they needed dual purpose.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: You know, looking back, analyzing. It was.

>> Darin: Used to be.

>> Mike: It was magical. Now it's like a dual purpose. Sort of a. Sort of a tradition. I love that.

>> Darin: What about you, Mike?

>> Mike: Well, I mean, we do the pajamas thing where everybody gets. Yeah, a pajamas thing. That's for the eaves.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: We throw carrots and glitter out there for the reindeer.

>> Darin: Glitter.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah, there was glitter. And I talked to Bess about that. I was like, I don't know that.

>> Darin: The reindeer can't be eaten. Glitter.

>> Mike: Yeah, but they did it can in Denmark. Yeah. They got to wear pasties though. They can't.

>> Darin: Can't have full reindeer in their pasties.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Okay.


Every year we make Christmas cookies and the boys eat their Christmas butter

All right.

>> Mike: I think we just named the episode.

>> Mike: No, I remember it was oh, Christmas Jellies. I make Christmas jello every year when Andrew was, was super little.

>> Mike: Bess got these jello mold jigglies with, with like candy cane and Christmas tree things that you can make out of jell.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: And we call it making the Christmas jelly.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: And we do that every. It's like usually a Christmas Eve thing. And it's like every year I think we're not going to do the Christmas jellies. And then one of the kids was like, what, Where's. What's up with the Christmas jelly? What are we doing that? So that's something we do every year.

>> Darin: Well, there's one tradition we have in our house that actually, scared Mike. It had a follow up story. We were making Christmas cookies one time. And so we got the sugar, we got the, the butter and all the ingredients and the icing and everything. And Libby's rolling out the stuff and the kids really little, and they're like, mom, can we eat the butter? And Libby's like, no, you can't eat the butter. Like, please don't, guys. You're not gonna. It'll make you sick. And they're like, we just want a little.

>> Mike: Fine.

>> Darin: So she cuts off a little bit here. She gives a pad of butter to Cameron and a little pat of butter to Jacob. Here, eat your Christmas butter. Okay? So every year we make Christmas cookies and the boys eat their Christmas butter.

>> Mike: So, let me, let me add on to this story. This is my house. This is my house that I live in. Above us directly is the kitchen where we break bread. And sure, we. Andrew had invited Cameron over, for a sleepover. And I like to make pancakes in the morning. You know, it was like a Saturday. I'm in there making the pancakes. The, kids come up.

>> Mike: You enjoy doing this?

>> Mike: I enjoy doing this.

>> Darin: He loves cooking.

>> Mike: I do.

>> Darin: He cooks all the time.

>> Mike: And Cameron, the guy that enjoys having.

>> Mike: Pancakes made for Cameron, was sitting at the kitchen table and he said, do you have any butter? Which is a purely logical question. You're about to have pancakes, of course you want butter. I got a full stick of butter. I put it on a plate, and I put it in the middle of the table. I go back to working on the pancakes. I look over and I see that Cameron has grasped the butter as one would a candy bar. And he. While Mike, he was making full eye contact with me this entire time. He bit a sizable portion, at least a tablespoon worth of butter off and chewed it. And he maintained eye contact. And I saw Andrew's jaw drop. Bess was in the middle of a sentence and she stopped talking. Everything froze while this child chewed butter, staring at me. It was like the Exorcist. I was struck. I had so much terror in my heart.

>> Darin: He makes straight A's, by the way. He just loves.

>> Mike: And he didn't spit it out. It wasn't like a dominus thing and spit it out. He swallowed it, enjoyed it. And he was gonna go for another bite before. I don't, I don't remember. It was me or Beth. Someone said, cameron, stop.

>> Darin: What are you doing?

>> Mike: Stop that. We're gonna call the police.

>> Mike: If this proves one thing, it is the adage that the man who wants nothing is invincible is true.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: That kid gave zero, man.

>> Darin: Yeah, yeah. mad respect.

>> Mike: Hey, there it is right there. Respect. Respect. Massive respect for that move. Oh, my God, that's so twisted. In all the right ways.

>> Darin: Yes, it is.

>> Mike: Merry Christmas.


Mike: Merry Christmas, Mike. Merry Christmas. And we'll see you in the new year

I got my butter right here.

>> Darin: Merry Christmas, Mike. And we'll see you in the new year.

>> Mike: I love you guys.

>> Darin: Merry Christmas.

>> Mike: You too.

>> Darin: Merry Christmas.

>> Mike: Thank you for doing what you do.


Well, that does it for our Christmas episode. Irritable Death Syndrome is a Mike Odle Darren Cox production

>> Dave: Well, that does it for our Christmas episode. If you would like to listen to more episodes, you can hear them all@awritable dadsyndrome.com Take care and we hope to see you next week on Irritable Dad Syndrome.

>> Darin: Irritable Death Syndrome is a Mike Odle Darren Cox production. It's. M. M. It. M. Ra.