IDS #230 - Fred the Dead Horse

Mike and Darin recorded this episode the night before election day and had some thoughts about the end of the world

- Darin finally shares a story he's been teasing for weeks. Spoiler: It involves a rake and a school dance! 🕺
- Election Day drama and a 'campaign sticker removal' PSA.
- A heartfelt farewell to the legendary Quincy Jones. 🎶
- Halloween antics: From forgotten candy to dinosaur costumes. 🎃
- The epic tale of Fred the horse that you won't want to miss. 🐴

Plus, get your weekly dose of dad jokes, parenting chaos, and life’s little quirks. Tune in now and let us know your favorite part in the comments! 👇

#IrritableDadSyndrome #ComedyPodcast #DadLife #NewEpisode #PodcastFun #QuincyJones #Halloween #ElectionDay #FredTheHorse

Chapters

• 3:34 You're not allowed to wear campaign stuff in line
• 4:29 Remove your campaign stickers, already
• 7:13 Quincy Jones
• 10:41 This was the first year that we didn't even buy candy for Halloween
• 25:44 All the guys from Sesame Street appear in this great Christmas special
• 30:54 I think moose is the second most dangerous land animal in existence
• 35:48 My kids love playing Super Smash. It's pure video anarchy
• 48:51 People in Proctorville bitching about the bridge
• 56:03 Dead Fred
• 1:02:35 There's a few pieces of art that I think are critical

Transcript

This episode of Irritable dad syndrome was recorded November 4, 2024

>> Dave: This episode of Irritable dad syndrome was recorded November 4, 2024.

>> Mike: Let's just go for it. Let's take the seatbelts off and just.

>> Darin: Just throw one. Louise. Louise.

>> Mike: Right off the thing.

>> Darin: Yeah. Yeah. Okay. How can you trust an animal with a head that's that bald and tiny?

>> Mike: I mean, we trust dad.

>> Darin: That's true.

>> Dave: Welcome to Irritable Dad Syndrome. The best reason ever to look forward to Tuesday. Please say hello to your hosts, Mike and Darren.

>> Darin: Hi, I'm Darren.

>> Mike: I'm Mike.

>> Darin: Welcome to Irritable Dad Syndrome, Cincinnati's comedy podcast. This is episode 230 tonight on the show. Last week, I teased a story that I didn't tell. We had technical problems, and it cut out a chunk of a story that I didn't get to finish. And then there was, something else that I was extremely excited to talk about that I completely glazed over and didn't mention. And here's the thing. I'm like, I'm not gonna brag, but I'm like, executive producer of this podcast. Every week, I make a rundown, okay, we're gonna talk about this, this, this, this, and this and this. And God knows, almost every week, we go off the chain m. And we do not talk about the things that we were supposed to talk about. And it happens. But I teased the story, and we didn't do it. So that makes me a liar, and I'm sorry. So, this week, I'm going to tell that story. But before we get into all the fun.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: we were recording this episode on November 4th. Tomorrow is election day, and, you know what? We may not have a, world left. Well, so this may be maybe our last episode.

>> Mike: See, I was imagining this episode playing on a little speaker, in a wasteland with a cockroach fighting a rat for a. Somebody's finger.

>> Darin: Piece of gum.

>> Mike: Yeah. Or gum. Yeah. So we don't know what happened. I did vote this past Saturday.

>> Darin: I voted, too.

>> Mike: When did you vote?

>> Darin: last week.

>> Mike: Oh, yeah, that's right, because you posted pictures on the whole thing.

>> Darin: Yeah, my mom wanted to vote early. She has a separate polling place than we, do. We vote, like, half a mile down the street. And then my mom votes, like, in the neighborhood where she lives. And this is the first year that my oldest son, Jacob, is voting for president, and mom wanted to be there for. When you vote early, you get to go to the board of elections and you can vote there. And boy, did they make a big deal about three generations M. They thought that was some. That is pretty cool.

>> Mike: That's a big deal.

>> Darin: Yeah. And, the woman is like, wow. And she, you know. Absolutely. And the thing was, Jacob got there. Jacob was doing homework. He got there and got in line. And we were driving from church and he keeps calling us. Are you guys almost here? Guys? Are you almost. Guys, seriously, are you almost here? Because he was about. At the front.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Not at the front line. He was about to get from the sidewalk into the building. And I said, if. If, If you get up there, just keep letting people in front of you.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And we got there and I was afraid people were going to get pissed because there's four of us. Granted, only three of us are voting. Cameron can't vote yet. I asked all the people around us. I said, my son is holding places for us. Are you okay if we get in line with him? Nobody cared at all. Didn't get a cross eye, didn't get a stink, nothing. Nobody cared. And so Libby, Mom and Cameron and I waited with Jacob and we went and we voted. Okay. Yeah.


You're not allowed to wear campaign stuff in line

So one thing I wanted to say.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And this isn't what. There's really no point in saying anything political now because it's already happened by the time this episode released. You're not allowed to wear campaign stuff in line.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: You're just not. You can't wear.

>> Mike: I didn't even wear my Turd Ferguson.

>> Darin: Shirt because I didn't wear my. Yeah, I didn't wear my vote for Pedro.

>> Mike: What did you wear?

>> Darin: I just had on whatever I was wearing.

>> Mike: A shirt.

>> Darin: Something nice. A nice, shirt. I remember. but there was. There was campaign.

>> Mike: Ah.

>> Darin: Stuff from each client in the line. And I'm like, what are you doing? I mean, it's like, is this. Is this where you're gonna draw the line and get pissy with people? Because it's like, you know, you can. It's like, what's it matter? You know?

>> Mike: I didn't see any.

>> Darin: You're not supposed to do it, so don't do it.

>> Mike: I didn't see anyone wearing campaign stuff. I did see. Me and Bess both saw people where it was very clear who they were voting for.

>> Darin: Oh.

>> Mike: You know what I mean?

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: You can just tell.

>> Darin: Oh, yeah.

>> Mike: I do.


Would like to make a public service announcement about removing campaign stickers ahead of November elections

Would like to make a public service announcement to the remnants of civilization that are still here.

>> Darin: People are scavenging our land.

>> Mike: It is now, by the time this episode drops, it is mid November. Right. Right about mid to the end of November.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: now this is an Equal opportunity.

>> Darin: This will drop November 12th.

>> Mike: Okay. Okay. So you've had a week. All right. Depending on which side you're in. you can start to take the flags off of your truck. You can start to steam the bumper stickers off the back of your Subaru. You can start to Subaru. You could start to. You know, it's kind of like leaving your. And I'm not one to talk. We leave our Christmas decorations up until the following October. But nothing annoys people more than when you've got the campaign sticker from the thing that just ended. And I heard this on the radio today. Do you know that this campaign has been going on for two years? Oh yeah, the actual campaign.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: The first talks of, hey, vote for mirror started two years ago.

>> Darin: Yeah, a long time.

>> Mike: Part of the reason we voted early is because we wanted to be done like Bess said. you know, you know me, we've talked about this. I wanted to be in the trenches on Tuesday. I like to do that.

>> Darin: You're like the guy who does shopping on Christmas Eve.

>> Mike: Yeah. I wanted to go in there with my jammies. Hm. I have American flag jammies and a U2 shirt. I want people to have no idea who this crazy bastard is voting for. But she convinced me, hey, let's do it on Saturday. And now that you know from what we're seeing, Tuesday is going to be a madhouse, I'm kind of glad that it's done right.

>> Darin: I am too.

>> Mike: And we've got it all taken care of. But please, please, please look in your driveway. Just take one flag down a day. I saw a truck in the parking lot when we voted that had three flags on the back, two on the side. The profile of a candidate, like they were sitting in the back seat, which by the way, that's creepy.

>> Darin: It is, yeah.

>> Mike: And about five bumper stickers on there. And I'm like, you don't have to do it all at once because that's a lot of steaming to do on those bumpers stickers to get them off. Just do one a day, you know, take a flag down a day. I'll see the sticker of the person that I voted for a year after the election. I'm like, just come on. Really?

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: At that point. What are you saying? Yeah, I did that, you know. Okay, okay.


Somebody else who died today was Quincy Jones

>> Darin: Somebody else who died today. Quincy Jones. Music M I icon doesn't even describe Quincy Jones. Quincy Jones. I mean, my God, I can't remember how many Grammy awards he had, you know, he produced the Thriller album.

>> Mike: He produced off the Wall. Yeah.

>> Darin: He wrote and produced the theme song from Sanford Son. Possibly the greatest.

>> Mike: Yeah. That is.

>> Darin: That in itself puts you.

>> Mike: Oh my God.

>> Darin: Yeah. God love him. Amazing.

>> Mike: Wow.

>> Darin: Yeah. Yeah.

>> Dave: You're listening to Irritable Dad Syndrome, Cincinnati's comedy podcast.

>> Darin: So last week, my tease was I asked a question that's never been asked before and probably will never be asked again by me. And so here's the story.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Libby and I went over to my mom's house. We were doing some yard work for her. She had some weeds and a lot of her, plants and stuff needed to be cut back before winter. And we were doing all that and we went, we did it on two different, two different times because we left work and then we went over. After we ate, we went over to mom's house. And of course, this time of year it gets dark at 509.

>> Mike: Yeah, I just, I do not.

>> Darin: Like, I can't stand this time of year. Anyway, so we're out there, we're doing all this yard work for mom. We got two gigantic trash cans full of weeds. and so in the back of my car I had, Maddox and some, a rake and a couple other things for pulling weeds and for cleaning up yards and stuff. So we did it that one day. I left all the stuff in the car. We went back two or three days later and got the rest of it. And I asked Libby, I said, should I just leave this in the car? Yes, leave it in the car. Because we're probably going to be going back in a few more days.

>> Darin: So I've got all, a hoe, a Maddox and some, rake and a couple other things. Some weed pullers and some branch clippers. All this in the back of my car. Cameron's got a school dance.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Cameron invited his friend Annabelle to go to the school dance with him. So Annabelle's parents said, can you guys come pick him up? Absolutely. We will come. we will. Of course we'll pick him up. He lives with us. We will pick her up as well.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So we're driving over to pick up Annabelle and I realized I've got all these yard tools.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: In the back of my car, which isn't a problem. I could just throw it in the hatchback. But the rake is so freaking long. That's what she said. It extends halfway into the back seat.

>> Mike: You became the nightmare parent at this point.

>> Darin: So, like, what am I going to do? We're running late. I can't just run this rake back to the house. We get to Annabelle's house, Annabelle comes out in her dress. And, her mom comes out and we're talking and everything's fine. And. And she says, thank you so much for picking her up. And, if. And what time are you bringing her home and is there anything I need to know? And I said, I've got a question for you. Can I leave my rake in your garage? The look on her face was priceless.

>> Mike: Yeah, sure.

>> Darin: Okay, so I get out and granted, Cameron's in a suit, Annabelle's in a dress, and I'm this moron getting a rake out of my car. I'll just go put this in your garage. Good times.


This was the first year that we didn't even buy candy for Halloween

>> Mike: Did you do any trick or treating on, the Hallows Eve?

>> Darin: This was the first year that we didn't even buy candy.

>> Mike: Wow. Oh, you're one of those families.

>> Darin: No, here, last year I bought a gigantic thing. I had a big bowl of candy. Yeah, we had maybe, maybe six trick or treaters. Okay, maybe.

>> Darin: And by like the end of the night, I'm standing at the end of my driveway. Somebody come get this candy. Yeah, right.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And I could we live on a street where you. If you go down our street, you have to turn around and come back and hit the same houses.

>> Mike: Right? Yeah, you're.

>> Darin: That's, that's, what's that called?

>> Mike: it's like a dead end.

>> Darin: Yeah. It's not worth your time. Right? Come on. That's.

>> Mike: Unless you're giving away like. Like cash.

>> Darin: Which we're not.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So I didn't even buy. I mean, we bought candy for Chris Michael and his. For his, little girls. Oh, they were so cute.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Yeah. Victoria was riding a unicorn.

>> Mike: Did you make him say trick or treat or did you just hand it over? No, we just gave it to him.

>> Darin: they can do. They can do.

>> Mike: You know, he.

>> Darin: Okay, don't start on Chronicle.

>> Mike: Chris mooches off of society. Every time you tell a story about Chris Michael, it's another story of him being a communist.

>> Darin: He donates money to this podcast every month.

>> Mike: That's right.

>> Darin: A lot.

>> Mike: He's a wonderful man.

>> Darin: He's a great guy. He's a great guy.

>> Mike: I enjoy him immensely. Yes, but you go ahead and keep.

>> Darin: Giving him Victoria and Natalie. Natalie was dressed as a little sheep.

>> Mike: Oh my gosh.

>> Darin: So cute.

>> Mike: Yeah, so cute. And then you could use like the sheep hook thing to like, pull her back in.

>> Darin: Yeah, exactly.

>> Mike: So Charlie dressed up as a dinosaur one of those inflated. You know, where they run around and look adorable.

>> Darin: Jacob had one of those.

>> Mike: and he went to his friend's neighborhood. To another neighborhood. Ah. Because quote dad, there's just not that much candy over. I mean, he's right.

>> Darin: Yeah. you go where the food is.

>> Mike: You go where it is. Yeah. And then Andrew was going to go play basketball with his friends in the rain. Because that's what he does. And then at the last minute, Charlie wanted Bess to go with them trick or treating. Which left dad at home alone with the candy to give out. I said alone, but I wasn't alone. I had Booba.

>> Mike: And Marbles. Now.

>> Darin: Oh, Lord.

>> Mike: You come over here regularly? you've noticed that most m of the time when you're coming over, I'm sitting out on the front step like I've just been kicked out of the house.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: To me, like the first. When I started doing that, you were like, mike, is everything okay? It's because I don't want you to. I want to walk in with you. To prevent Boobah from losing her mind. Booba is my older dog.

>> Darin: Dakota is her real name. Boobah is her nickname. Mike gives his dog. Now, does Marbles have a nickname?

>> Mike: Boobah. No, literally.


Dakota's dog Boobah gets excited when the doorbell rings

Other Booba. Booba. Dakota. Booba is the obb. Original Boobah.

>> Darin: Hey, you know me.

>> Mike: Yeah. Anyway, and so Boobah has known Darren for about five years.

>> Darin: Yes. I've been here since she was a little kitten.

>> Mike: And still acts like you are coming here for the first time every time. And jumps on you and ah, scars you. And you have nightmares of this dog.

>> Darin: I do have a scar on my leg where she scratched me one time because I think you guys had recently cut her nails.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Here's the thing, Booba, if you're listening, I like you. I like Boobah. Darren, is a fan and she's a sweetheart. Yes, she is. But she gets so excited and she does. She doesn't realize it's just me.

>> Mike: Yeah. Ah.

>> Darin: I never bring her anything. No. There's no reason whatsoever for any person. Dog thing, anything to be excited when I come around.

>> Mike: You've never retched into your pocket and pulled out a steak and given it to her?

>> Darin: Never given her bacon. I've never given her a Slim Jim. So anyway, I've never given her a belly rub.

>> Mike: So the doorbell. Sound of the doorbell gets her jacked. Uh-huh. So now I'm dealing with that. So to make things even worse, we have one of those ring doorbells. But we don't have it hooked up to the main doorbell and I'm too lazy to get all that stuff fixed. So it's just there as a camera and then the real doorbell is underneath it. Right, right. Well, nobody knows that. So I took the ring thing now off. Well, yeah, I took the ring thing off so people would hit the doorbell. Well, they're not. They're just hitting the box where the ring is. Like there's not even a button there. They're just jabbing their fingers in it. Hello. I'm sitting where their computer is grinding my camos, looking for kids to come up to the thing. Anyway, we had probably about six or seven kids come up. Uh-huh. You know, trick or treat started at 6. At 7:35, it was raining. Andrew texts, can you come pick me up? Okay. There's nobody here. The bowl of candy is full. It looks like it did when trick or treat started.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: So I set it out on the front porch and I go get Andrew, who's one mile away. I come back where the total time I was gone was maybe 10 minutes.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Bowl's gone.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Empty.

>> Darin: Oh, they left the bowl.

>> Mike: They left the bowl. There was like a. There's like a one fun pack of M&M's floating in the water that had collected from the rain.

>> Darin: There's more water than treats in there. Yeah.

>> Mike: Good times. Good times. I did have a couple of people come up and I thought they were parents. They were as big or bigger than me. Uh-huh. And I was, look, I literally looked down for like a little kid and they were like, trick or treat. Jesus, they're smoking. Yeah. I gave them.

>> Darin: You got any of the plain M M's?

>> Mike: I like those. Yeah. Gave them the candy and then they, they went on their way. Which I have no problem with that. I would go around. If people were giving out peeps, why.

>> Darin: Don'T they give out Halloween peeps? Or do they? You would know.

>> Mike: You're. I was going to. Because we have stash of them.


I broke into the stash. I bought like 14 boxes of regular peeps

I broke into the stash. Like if you remember back in Easter, after, Easter was gone, they were selling those peep packs for a quarter each.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: And I bought about.

>> Darin: I bought like 14 boxes.

>> Mike: I was like, peep prepper.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And I had them all stacked in your bunker. Yeah. And the novelty of that wore off after a couple of days. And I still have crates of peeps in there. And they've just been sitting there getting older and older. And then this weekend I looked at them, I was like, oh, these expire in December. Wonder what was so big about these peeps that I. And I bit one.

>> Mike: Stood in that kitchen and ate a full box of them. And then just regular peeps. Just good old American regular peeps. And then I cracked open the watermelon. Oh. Ate half of those before I got self control.

>> Darin: I like the rip roaring raspberry.

>> Mike: Yeah. Or the strawberry. Yeah, strawberry.

>> Darin: Oh, yeah.

>> Mike: I like. I got one packet of those.

>> Darin: I like the strawberries. You know what I noticed? And this was two weeks ago, which I think was early. But we ran out of milk. So I went down to the udf, which is a gas station right around the corner from my house.

>> Mike: United Dairy Farmers.

>> Darin: United Dairy Farmers. Exactly. And they already had the Little Debbie Christmas tree snacks. I'm like, son of a. Yeah. I bought one.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: The icing on those, I've.

>> Darin: I've bought more than one.

>> Mike: Yeah. Is that ice? Is it wax? It's like wax, but it's made of, So good.

>> Darin: I love those. My boys love them. Libby doesn't like them at all. So when we buy them. Last year I bought three boxes. I gave one to Jacob when camera. Because there's five in a pack.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: How you gonna split five?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: You're not?

>> Mike: No. Okay.

>> Darin: You're just not. I would buy them and we would split them with.

>> Mike: Somebody gets two and the other three people can go, oh, three.

>> Darin: And you guys get one. And they didn't care for that. I'm like, I'm paying for them.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So unless you can think of a better solution. Now I buy them each their own box.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And they can eat them as they want.

>> Darin: And And then everybody's happy.

>> Mike: So there's. They have like an after film when you eat them. Like the icing or whatever that is, the wax that they're in, it just. You can, you can tell as you're eating it. I'm Thinking this is what they're going to find in my body when they dig me up thousands of years from now maybe. Yeah. But they're used to. So when I was a kid, they had these Christmas tree ice cream things. A stick? Uhhuh.

>> Darin: Uh-huh. On a stick.

>> Mike: On a stick.

>> Darin: On a stick.

>> Mike: Stick. They were green.

>> Darin: Uhhuh.

>> Mike: And they were like little Christmas tree ice cream things with mint ice cream.


The money for these peeps came from my check now, Darren

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And they had little like ornament balls made out of lead paint or something on the outside. My mom would buy those and I Think. I mean, this is the 80s. They used to just. They crammed.

>> Darin: They definitely were lead paint.

>> Mike: Yeah. They had. They had like eight or nine of them in there.

>> Darin: Asbestos and.

>> Mike: Yeah. And I would get three. Uh-huh. I would eat one on the way from the fridge, back to my room, enjoy one. and then cram the last one in my mouth before it melted. Lay there. And I was too young to hate myself for doing that. I was. I was just, like. I was in. In awe of my ability to plan that ahead. That bar. And then I would go get two more, and I'd be through the pack in about 20 minutes. Amazing.

>> Darin: I've never been anything but completely honest with you and with the fans of this podcast, but I have eaten Little Debbie snack cakes in the laundry room with the door closed so that the kids couldn't see me doing it. Whatever it is what it is, this is where we are. And I'm not opposed to doing it again. I've told, like, Courtney. Lyn Ergon Jorgen, as you call her.

>> Mike: Yeah. You're Jurgen. You're good.

>> Darin: She and her husband heard that I hide the Pop Tarts. They also hide Pop Tarts.

>> Mike: I'm like, yes.

>> Darin: Well, how are you supposed to eat them if your kid keeps getting into them?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Cuz I think it's when they, like. Well, I'm supposed to have one.

>> Mike: Yeah. No,

>> Darin: I have a career.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Right. The money that I make. Me. Me, Darren. Me make money. Me make it. Is what bought those Pop Tarts. They're not paying for nothing.

>> Mike: That's dangerously close to how I rationalize my peeps buying.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Because Bess saw when I brought them in, I brought in three bags of peeps. And Bess was like. She said, and I quote. Really? And I said, yeah, I bought. These are. This is my money.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: That we bought the peeps with now. Yeah. You, like, literally, the money for these peeps came from my check now. Yes. The cupboard they're going into. We share equally. We've. We've paid equally to.

>> Darin: Have you pulled the, Your money is what allows her to live in this lap of luxury. Have you tried that one? Because that doesn't fly in my house.

>> Mike: Because. No, because my wife makes more money than A lot. Yeah.

>> Darin: She, Does she ever,

>> Mike: Yeah, we use the model literally. I don't see, like, I hear about these couples that keep, like, separate accounts and all. I don't see how you do that. You just. You pour everything into one pot and then you just. You go from there.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: My grandparents always had separate checking accounts up until they died.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Nana said, bill's money is our money. My money's my money.


Donnie Merritt is Irritable Dad Syndrome's Listener of the Week

>> Dave: We interrupt this program for a special announcement. Congratulations to Donnie Merritt, Irritable Dad Syndrome's Listener of the Week. This has been a special announcement.

>> Mike: This weekend. Something on the algorithm pointed me to the Muppets, right? And I ended up watching a bunch of, the Swedish Chef videos. I had to post one of them. Did you see the one I posted on Facebook?

>> Darin: No. I love the Swedish Chef.

>> Mike: It's him doing. It's in one of the Muppet movies. He's doing a rapid.

>> Darin: I think that was.

>> Mike: Was down, down, down.

>> Darin: And Colonel goes, hey, hey, everybody. Way to get funky.

>> Mike: Yeah, so we watched that. A bunch of me and Charlie watched that about 15 times. And then we went to Kroger, and I was doing the Swedish Chef all through Kroger.

>> Darin: Nice.

>> Mike: You get the puppetee corn. Here's the puppetee corn. The shrimp ins and the puppet corns.

>> Darin: I didn't tell you, but when I saw Sister Hazel.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I got there super, early, before the show started, and there was like a smattering of people just laying. It was artificial turf. Yeah, Just laying on the thing, waiting for the show to start.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I'm like, this isn't going to be a sold out show at all because there was maybe 20 some people. And I found my spot right in the center. About 10 people back to where in the crawl. Yeah. I was right in the. In the sweet spot. And this dude with his wife, or girlfriend was going, berk. Burke, Burke, Burke, Burke, Burke, Burke, Burke, Burke, Burke, Burke, Burke, Burke, Burke, Burke, Burke, Burke, Burke, Burke. And then he says, do you want me to do it some more? She's like, whatever.

>> Mike: Burke, Burke, Burke, Burke, Burke, Burke, Burke, Burke.

>> Darin: And I'm like, of all the people, that I choose to stand next to, it's the Burke, Burke, Burke, Burke. Burkey Burke.

>> Mike: Okay, I'm gonna tell you this in good humor, but I want you to remember this, and I'm gonna tell Bess the same thing. If I'm ever, like, on a bridge ready to jump off or on the. On the side of a building, or I'm in a really bad spot.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: If you show me anything from the Muppets, I'm good. I'm good. That. Yeah. If you. If you. If I'm up there getting ready to jump off of a Skyscra in Cincinnati off of one of the buildings, and you have, Statler and Waldorf, pop their heads out. A couple of windows. Next down. Go. Are you gonna jump? You're just gonna stand? I would. I would. Oh, I would. I would crack. I would laugh so hard. Or the eagle.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Just. You're. You're wasting morons. Look at all these government resources you're wasting here. Shrimp. And it was him making popcorn shrimp.

>> Darin: Nice.

>> Mike: And he had the shrimp ins. And the puppetee. Corn.

>> Darin: Yeah, there's, You can watch it on YouTube. It's the, the Muppet Family Christmas.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: They've got the whole Christmas special. Is that on YouTube?

>> Mike: Is it the Scrooge where they.

>> Darin: No, no, no, no. This was like a gazillion times better than that.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: They go to Fozzie Bear's house to spend Christmas with Fozzie Bear.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And Fozzie's mom lives there by herself.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: She's like, hi, honey. And there's plenty of beds and everybody can stay there. Right. So it's just them, the. The main Muppet M characters. And then guess who shows up?


All the guys from Sesame Street appear in this great Christmas special

All the guys from Sesame Street.

>> Mike: All of them.

>> Darin: All of them. Ernie, Bert, Big Bird, Monster.

>> Mike: Grover. Yeah, right.

>> Darin: Okay. Swedish Chef is trying his damnedest to eat Big Bird, Birdie, Big bird, birdie, birdie, bird. Then it gets better. The Fraggles show up.

>> Mike: Oh, dude.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: Wow. This is like the Avengers of Muppet Specials.

>> Darin: They opened up the Muppet verse and they all prevail. And it is a great Christmas special.

>> Mike: All right.

>> Darin: I cannot recommend it highly enough.


Libby and I were running late to see Jacob play with the band

>> Dave: This portion of our show is brought to you by Meemaw's Country Kitchen, Cheese Titties and listeners like you.

>> Darin: Last week I was talking about going to the UC football game and that we were running late, and we were afraid that we were going to miss something with the. With the band, because my son's in the band. So we had to park like a mile away from the stadium in this garage near UC Hospital. And then we asked if there was a shuttle, and we got on the shuttle.

>> Darin: Once we got on the shuttle, we waited and waited and waited. And the woman driving the shuttle said she had to wait for her boss. We didn't know why she was waiting for her boss. We didn't know if it was like a union thing, if she or we had no idea what and why. But we were waiting and we were getting nervous because we were afraid we were going to miss something. And we contemplated getting off the shuttle and walking. Instead, we waited. This woman's boss shows up, and it turns out she has no idea how to get to the stadium. Her job is to drive a shuttle from this garage to this stadium.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And she's never been there before. We are literally pulling out from where the bus is parked and her boss says take a right here.

>> Mike: Well, okay. Wow.

>> Darin: Right now doesn't even know how to leave where we're parked. And I'm not making fun of, of women drivers. I'm not.

>> Mike: No.

>> Darin: But we were so on edge cuz we were going to miss seeing Jacob play with the band.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And she doesn't know how to get where we're going. And Libby and I were like, take a right and up here at the light at mlk, you take a left and ah, I'm glad I finally shared that story with you. That went nowhere.


M. Rush: Canada is generally more affordable than the US

Hi.

>> Mike: So I have. You may need to edit this in prior in the podcast. I forgot to mention this. So I think this goes for both whichever candidate you're voting for or voted for. M. I looked up just, I mean just randomly, I wanted to know some things about Canada. I'm just looking. Right.

>> Darin: I know Gordon Lightfoot is from Canada.

>> Mike: Rush. Yes, From Canada. Canada invented maple syrup. They put the leaf on their flag.

>> Darin: The state bird is the beaver. No, wait, wait. I, I may be wrong.

>> Mike: I think the state beaver gave you the bird is what you're.

>> Darin: I know Canada doesn't have states. It has provinces.

>> Mike: Provinces which are better than states because they have more, it's more syllables.

>> Darin: Canada and the United States. We share Niagara Falls.

>> Mike: Yeah. Canada.

>> Darin: It's like, it's like in a divorce settlement. We get Niagara Falls on the weekend. They get it every other week and on holidays.

>> Mike: Canada is America's hat. I don't know who originally said that. There was a comedian said that in.

>> Darin: Mexico is America's pants.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: So anyway, I was, I was, I was looking up, I ah, was looking up some facts about Canada just in case.

>> Darin: Just, just you know, you never know.

>> Mike: So we, as we are right now in this house are about five and a half hours from Bess's hometown where most of her family lives.

>> Darin: That's in West Virginia. Okay. Morgantown.

>> Mike: Yeah. Toronto. Is about six hours from Morgantown.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: So for the people who live in Morgantown, it doesn't matter whether we live in Canada or here, it's the same distance. So we're just as far from Canada.

>> Darin: By about an hour and a half.

>> Mike: Well, five and a half hours to six hours.

>> Darin: Okay. Okay.

>> Mike: So half an hour.

>> Darin: Don't, don't stop by, don't Stop.

>> Mike: And there's no. Everybody. A lot of people don't know this. There's no speed limit in Canada because those moose. Well, right. Anyway, okay, so same distance. Hold on. We'll get some moose. We're gonna get to.

>> Darin: No, I've got a Canada story. Yeah.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Mike: This is the one that blew my mind. If you go to Canada. And you say, I want to live here, you can still get Social Security and your benefits from the US Living in Canada.

>> Darin: Oh, yeah.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: All right.

>> Darin: I did not know that.

>> Mike: Canada is generally now depending on where you live, but generally more affordable than the US when you take into account what your taxes are going to. With your healthcare and all that stuff.


I think moose is the second most dangerous land animal in existence

And finally, they've got moose.

>> Darin: Now we've got some.

>> Mike: We've got deer and we've got geese that. On the road.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: And they start walking and everybody's got to stop and look at them.

>> Darin: And they're Canadian geese, by the way.

>> Mike: Yeah. They send their geese down there. Down here. They keep their moose up there.

>> Mike: Now, I've read that moose is the. I think the second most dangerous land animal in existence.

>> Darin: The first is the hippo.

>> Mike: Is the hippo.

>> Darin: Yeah. Because hippos want to kill you.

>> Mike: Hippos will. They will. They'll come after you.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And they're fast. You don't think they're fast. You look at them and you're like, what the hell is that thing gonna do?

>> Darin: What's he gonna do?

>> Mike: They run like 80 miles an hour.

>> Darin: Oh, yeah.

>> Mike: Underwater.

>> Darin: Yep.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Now, a moose.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: Most people don't know much about a moose other than Rocky and Bullwinkle.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: And he's wor. And I.

>> Darin: You know, and I think that that's not an accurate portrayal of the moose.

>> Mike: Yeah. They have more antlers than he does. I know.

>> Darin: They don't walk on two feet.

>> Mike: No.

>> Darin: And I don't think they're friends with flying squirrels.

>> Mike: Exactly.

>> Darin: And also, moose don't talk.

>> Mike: Right. So, moose.

>> Darin: Come on.

>> Mike: People don't know this. Moose are about 30ft high.

>> Darin: They're big.

>> Mike: They're huge.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And the reason they're the second most dangerous animal is a combination of the fact that they're so big and then two people don't realize that they're that big and that they can be dangerous.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: A deer can be dangerous. You piss off a deer, he can hoof you.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: But a moose, he may. He may just be backing up. He may have to. He may just be like, backing into a parking spot and just step on you and you're dead.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: So you gotta watch out for the moose. But anyway, I'm just saying.

>> Darin: Well, I'll be sure and look out for them.

>> Mike: Yeah. So if for whatever reason you're looking to visit Canada for the next 30, 40 years, move your family there some nice, interesting.

>> Darin: Watch out for moose.

>> Mike: Watch out for moose.

>> Darin: That's really all, you know, so many years ago, this is before we had kids. We have a friend named Gail.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Gail is from Canada. She was living in the United States on a work visa. She was working with Libby at the hospital and she was going to go home to Canada. Canada.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: She was going to go to Montreal. yeah. And to visit her boyfriend.

>> Mike: It's the birthplace of the flapjack.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Well, there you go. I mean, yeah. So she asked it, completely made that she asked if Libby wanted to tag along and Libby said sure. And then Gail's like, well, if Darren's gonna, why doesn't Darren come too? So we all went, the three of us, on a Montreal excursion.

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darin: So much fun. And we're driving up to Montreal and on our trip there, we see Niagara Falls, next four exits, and we're like, holy crap. We had no idea we were this close to Niagara Falls.


We drive up to Montreal and everything was great. Montreal is one of the greatest cities in North America

So we didn't have time to stop on the way there. We said, we will stop on the way back.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So that was the plan. We drive up to Montreal and. Not if you've never been to Montreal.

>> Mike: I've never been to Canada. Oh my God.

>> Darin: Montreal is one of the greatest cities in North America. One of the greatest cities on the planet, period.

>> Mike: Right.

>> Darin: Okay. Fantastic. People were great architecture. You'll see like a thousand year old building right next to a 20 year old building.

>> Mike: Yeah. Just like Cincinnati.

>> Darin: But half the people speak French.

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darin: Yeah. Yeah. So we, we saw Montreal and everything was great. And we did our sightseeing. We're driving back. Libby fell asleep and Gail fell asleep. And I'm driving the car. In Canada, they got those kilometers.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So I'm driving and I'm thinking I'm going to go. I'm going to assume that kilometer equals a mile. And if I get pulled over, I'm going to play stupid.

>> Mike: Yeah, right. Yeah.

>> Darin: Because what's the difference between a kilometer and a mile?

>> Mike: Letters.

>> Darin: No, no, no. How many miles is a kilometer? okay. It's a lot more.

>> Mike: 1.3 kilometers is a mile. Is that right?

>> Darin: I guess. I don't know. So I'm driving And, I dozed off a little bit and I swerved the car and woke up.

>> Mike: Yeah, Gail.

>> Darin: And it woke up Libby. Scared the crap out of both of them. And. And Libby's like, is everything okay? And I said, oh, yeah. I, we almost hit a moose. And Libby, who has watched Planes, Trains and automobiles with 100 times, knew.

>> Mike: You got your jacket stuck.

>> Darin: She knew that I had fallen asleep and that I was screwing around. Gail, And unless she's listening to the podcast still to this day, tells people about the time we almost hit a boost. I didn't have the heart to tell her.


My kids love playing Super Smash. It's pure video anarchy

>> Dave: M. This portion of our show is brought to you by Overthinkers Incorporated. Providing irrational solutions since 1932.

>> Darin: You know, you're always talking about grinding your camos.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: You're the only person on this podcast who talks about viggy games and the love and playing of, the vigames. Yeah.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I have something to announce. Oh, my kids love playing Super Smash.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: They love playing it.

>> Mike: Love, love, love, love, love.

>> Darin: And every time I've played with them, I instantly, within a minute, two minutes, get my ass kicked.

>> Mike: It has no rules. It's like, it's like. It's just anarchy. It's pure video anarchy.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So, and a lot of times I enjoy watching them and I really don't feel like. Because for me, I need an amateur. Well, I need a way to dip my toe in the water before I play. So I've started playing and there's only one character that I play on Super Smash, and that's Rob. It's a robot. Okay, I remember Rob.

>> Mike: Yeah, Rob.

>> Darin: I love playing Rob. Okay.

>> Mike: Cuz it looks like Short Circuit. He does, he does.

>> Darin: He looks like a combination of Short Circuit, Johnny Number Five and a vacuum cleaner.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Okay. And I love Rob because Rob can shoot a fireball all the way across. Oh, okay. So you. From great distances, you can hurt somebody.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: You can either shoot the fireball or up. Pew. Right.

>> Mike: A laser.

>> Darin: A laser.

>> Mike: But.

>> Darin: But now sometimes your, your powers, they have to build up before you.

>> Mike: Yeah. You can't just.

>> Darin: No, you can't do. You have to wait a little bit. You gotta get it worked up before you foreplay before you fire off.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: but he's got this punch you can toggle, right or left, and push your B. And he whirlwind his fists, fists of rage, spin. And you can hit somebody like 30, 40 times.

>> Mike: Whoa. Yeah.

>> Darin: And I love it.

>> Mike: Right.

>> Darin: You can just. Just pummel the crap out of somebody.

>> Mike: Yeah, Right.

>> Darin: So I'm playing Rob. It's Libby and me and Cameron. Cameron's the young one. Cameron. Cameron is playing. I can't remember what character he has, but Libby is playing Sora. And the three of us are fighting against each other. Okay. Libby and I, we're all three. Like I said, we're all three fighting. I took Cameron out once, I think maybe twice. Libby got him out. The other times, I'm like, holy crap. It's between me and Libby.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And say what you want, Libby's a girl. Libby's good at Super Smash. Okay. I beat Libby, and for the first time ever, I won a game of Super Smash.

>> Mike: That's pretty good. That's pretty good.

>> Darin: I told Jacob. He's like, hey, what happened?

>> Mike: What?

>> Darin: Like, you guys need to throw a parade? Is this never happening again? I'm like, holy crap. I won a game of Super Smash.

>> Mike: That's awesome. Well, congratulations.

>> Darin: Thank you.

>> Mike: Yeah. I've never been able to do the Super Smash. Every once in a while we will. we used to do this all the time.


I had Rob the Robot when I was a kid. He was the original Nintendo

We haven't done it in a while. We take one of our. Actually, this tv, we take this one out and we put it on the table on our back deck, and we hook up the switch out there and we have super, Smash out in the, In the wild.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And that's all kinds of fun.

>> Darin: That sounds like fun. Yeah.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Ah, yeah.

>> Mike: But I actually had Rob the Robot, when I was a kid, I had, like, the Nintendo Rob, the actual robot.

>> Darin: Really?

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: That character is that old?

>> Mike: Yeah, 1985. He was the original Nintendo. When it came out. One of the big sets you could get was with Rob.

>> Darin: I didn't.

>> Mike: And there was a game called Gyro Might. Uh-huh. And he had. Rob had these, You would have. He has little cameras in his eyes.

>> Darin: Hm. Yeah.

>> Mike: And you would set him in front of the tv and he has these tops and a little top spinner. And he grabs the. The tops, puts them on the top spinner, gets them spinning, and then puts them on this thing that pushes buttons on the controller.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: While the top is spinning. And you have to respin it or it'll fall over. So you have to do this. And you're. You're putting, like, the blue top over here and the red top over here to open and close blue and red doors. So Professor Gyromite can.

>> Darin: Professor Gyromite.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Is that a real.

>> Mike: The game is Gyromite. I just Call him.

>> Darin: Okay. Yeah.

>> Mike: he can go through his little maze there and you can save whatever he's trying to do. It's probably some kind of Manhattan Project. Weird. The point is, is that it was a little fun thing that you played with for about 15 to 20 minutes and then never touched again. Yeah. But, yeah, I, had the original Rob. I think we put him in a yard sale for like five bucks. now. I would love to have him now. He's probably like a collector's thing, but.

>> Darin: Yeah, but every time. Rob.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Raw. What does Rob stand for?

>> Mike: It's our Robotic Operating buddy. Sure.

>> Darin: That's dumber than what I. Robotic operating buddy?

>> Mike: Yeah. Yeah, I think. I'm pretty sure.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Let's see if I. Good Lord. That's a. That's a almost 40 year old memory.

>> Darin: I had no idea Rob was that old. I thought, I'm so dumb because you can play Pac man, you can play Donkey, Kong, you can play all kinds of stupid.

>> Mike: Yeah. Robotic operating buddy. Holy crap.

>> Darin: Nice.

>> Mike: Yeah. Yeah. But it was kind of cool because it would, like, flash. Like whatever command you were giving him would flash on the screen. His cameras would see it and they.


Dave Lay loves Whompers All Be Foot Long Hot Dogs

>> Dave: This portion of Irritable Dad Syndrome is brought to you by Whompers All Be Foot Long Hot Dogs. Hi, I'm Dave Lay, and I love everything about Whompers, from the intoxicating aroma to the robust flavor in every bite. Gosh, even holding one in your hand makes you thankful that the good Lord invented hot dogs right now. Buy a jumbo pack of Whompers and they'll throw in a free package of new Whompers Bacon. Whompers are made with 100% pure beef with no fillers or preservatives. Get a ruler and measure it yourself. If your hot dog isn't a foot long, they'll give you your money back, Guaranteed. Whompers the hot dog everyone's talking about.


Many, many times on this podcast, people have mispronounced Charlie's name

Now back to the show.

>> Mike: I have one that goes nowhere. I'm not going to tell it, but Bess actually went to go get ice cream at Kroger and then for some reason got held up and couldn't come immediately home. So she took a picture of the ice cream to show me that it wasn't completely ruined.

>> Darin: You're probably pissed because now she's exposed. She said, you exposed it to the elements.

>> Mike: She says, oh, I committed a cardinal sin. I bought ice cream and I'm not going straight home. I'm going to pick up Andrew and Nicos from school, which is insane. Their school is like in the other Direction.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And then she's got to take Nicos home.

>> Darin: I'm surprised you two are still married.

>> Mike: I mean, we've been married over 20. What year is it?

>> Darin: 24.

>> Mike: 24. 22 years. If this had happened, if this happened.

>> Darin: Married the same amount of time.

>> Mike: If this had happened in the first 10 years, we wouldn't have made it. Yeah, no, I wouldn't. I wouldn't stand for that.

>> Darin: Many, many times on this podcast, I've told stories about how people screw up my name. It's either a chick fil a or there's the famous story about going to Spectrum to return a cable box. And the guy called me Darfin m when I took Jacob to get his driver's license. The people call me Derry Darn. So it just. I'm doomed. I'm destined to live this life where people just don't know how to say, spell or pronounce my name. Well, when I was in Texas, before I went to see St Paul and the Broken Bones, there was a place where you could get burgers.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And, barbecue. And so I was hungry and the line was insane, but I'm like, well, I've got to eat. So I'm in line waiting to get a burger. And I waited and waited and waited. I finally get up to the front, this old guy comes out there with this pad of paper and he says, what's your name? And I said, darren. And he. He's starting to write. And for the first time in a long time, he looks at me and he says, is it D A, R, R? I'm like, no, da. I said. I said D A R, I N. He goes, oh, oh, okay. D A R, I N. And he goes, I didn't want to misspell it. I'm like, thank you. That wasn't hard. So he asked me how to spell my name. He spelled it, took my order, okay? So I'm waiting for like, 10 minutes to get my order. Finally, my order is ready, and a woman comes out. And she looks at the pad and she looks up, she looks at the pad, looks up, she looks at the pad again. And I just looked at her, said, is that for Darren? And she goes, oh, yeah. How did you know? I said, I just a wild guess.

>> Mike: What's wrong with you?

>> Darin: She says, yeah, Stan misspelled your name. Son of a bitch.

>> Mike: Yeah, even.

>> Darin: Even when they get it right, they get it wrong. There's. There's no way he could have gotten this guy's name right.

>> Mike: So I do Have a name story to add on. Okay. I never have a name story.

>> Darin: Oh, okay.

>> Mike: Odal. Nobody. When you read it, nobody knows. Oddly Oodle. It'll addle odd.

>> Darin: Seriously.

>> Mike: Yes. But it hasn't happened in a long time. Uh-huh. And then Charlie was. He kept getting the ball. It was one of his games a few weeks ago. And we noticed that the announcer said, and Charlie. Long pause, Got a gain of 2 yards. And then Best looked at me and she's like, they can't say his name right? It was like, yeah.

>> Darin: yeah.

>> Mike: And she's like, that's. That's unbelievable. And I was like, really? I've been living with this name for almost 50 years. I used. I, actually, I'm surprised it's taken this long for something like that to happen here.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And then again, he gets the ball. Charlie got the ball again. Charlie, finally.

>> Darin: Hey, let's give it up for Charlie.

>> Mike: Finally.


Darren tells a funny story about his hometown in the new movie

Charlie. This is a game. He kept getting the ball and getting gained. So they. Eventually the guy said, we're just going to call him Charlie. Oh. Over the. Over the loudspeaker. And I was like, right.

>> Darin: Really?

>> Mike: She's like, odal. How? And then like, you know, all the other parents are looking at us and laughing like, what do you. I mean, it's Odal. It's not that. It's. It's. How do you not say that? How do you not know that name? Right?

>> Darin: We're, just going to call him Charlie O. Yeah.

>> Mike: But I was excited because I'm like, I finally have a story to go along with Darren's name.

>> Darin: My grandfather, his name was Bill Oberle. O B E R L E. Okay. And we were at a place one time where they had to read his name.

>> Mike: I would call that Oberl that.

>> Darin: They called him Bill Oberl. And boy was Nana pissed. And she's like, how dare they call him Bill Oberl?

>> Mike: I have a rant to go on.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: About my hometown.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Okay. Proctorville.

>> Darin: Proctorville.

>> Mike: Right. When I was growing up, before fifth grade. Proctorville, is on one side of the river. The Ohio River. On the other side of the Ohio river is Huntington, West Virginia.

>> Darin: Is that where Don Knotts is from?

>> Mike: no, he's from Morgantown.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Movie buffs recognize Huntington, West Virginia from. We are Marshall. Marshall University is right. And the movie opens up with. In whatever. There's a river on that river. There's a thing on the thing. There's a stuff and whatever.

>> Darin: But deep.

>> Mike: Just the very beginning of the movie. I'M rolling. Like, whenever we watch that movie for, like, the first 30 seconds, my eyes are rolling in the back of my head. Just say the school is there anyway to get to Huntington from Proctorville, which is what you want to do, because there's nothing in Proctorville.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: There's a couple of pigs, and at the time, there's a couple of pigs in a gas station in high school. If anything you wanted was over there in Huntington.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: But you had to drive all the way down to Chesapeake, cross the bridge, and then drive all the way back up. It was about a half hour trip to get anywhere over in Huntington. So when I was in fifth grade, they built a bridge from Proctorville directly to another part of Huntington.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: So you get over there in, like, five minutes. It was a big deal.

>> Dave: Holy.

>> Mike: Yeah, they shut down the town for a day, and everyone was allowed to walk across the bridge.

>> Darin: Bridge Day.

>> Mike: They did. They literally did. They called. No, I don't remember what it was called. I was in fifth grade. But I do remember there were parades.

>> Darin: Things were called.

>> Mike: No, I don't really knew my own name in fifth grade, but they had parades going across the bridge.

>> Darin: I mean, what is that?

>> Mike: We didn't. We didn't have school that day. We got to walk across the bridge. I'm serious. I'm dead serious.

>> Darin: Lebanon, Virginia.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: When they put the McDonald's in there, they had two police officers, one directing traffic in and one letting traffic out. Yeah, there was a ribbon cutting. It was a thing. So I enjoy small town lore.

>> Mike: You know how it is in the town you grew up. You know, all the back roads and all the ways, ins and outs and stuff.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: So I just visited my mom, like a weekend or two ago, and we will go over into Huntington, and then just for, funs and giggles, go on the other bridge and back through Chesapeake, because it takes us by.


So this week or the past two weeks, they've been building another bridge

But, oh, here's where I used to get my hair cut. You know, just a little walk down memory lane.

>> Darin: We burned his house.

>> Mike: It's. Yeah, we did tell that story. Yeah. That's a callback. No, there was a. There was. Okay, I'll tell that story after this one.

>> Darin: Wait, what?

>> Mike: Hold on.

>> Darin: No, you didn't.

>> Mike: I haven't told that story. You're not doing a callback.

>> Darin: No.

>> Mike: All right, well, we might have two episodes tonight. So anyway, it's not that big of a trip to go down to the other bridge and come back down, right?

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: So this week or the past two weeks, they've been having construction on that bridge. And I've joined a Proctorville group. And it's every five minutes, there's somebody bitching that they have to wait a few extra minutes or the bridge is shut down for a few minutes. And now there's this big clamor to build another bridge. And I'm like, you don't need another bridge.

>> Darin: No.

>> Mike: You've got two right now, which is one more than you really need.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: So if one shuts down, if one falls into the river, you still got the other one. It takes you extra few minutes to get over there.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Stop complaining about your bridge. What?

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: So you want to get to the house burning now?

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Yes. So, for the record, I was just making up.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And Mike's like, oh, yeah. Did I tell you? No.


Mike: I remember seeing burned house near where my mom lives

Okay, so now, please.

>> Mike: You ever read, it by Stephen King?

>> Darin: No.

>> Mike: yeah, but, you know, every time.

>> Darin: You ask the question, have you read blank? 99% of the time, the answer is no.

>> Mike: On the surface, it is about a clown that turns into a spider. Kids or whatever. Yeah. But the real. The real stupid. The real villain of the book is the town of Derry. And they keep going through history and all these things that happen in the town. So this. This is going to feel like one of those stories.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: And I don't know how true this story is. I think it's true because I remember seeing the burning husk of this house. Okay. So, I have to change the names of people to protect the, innocent. There's a curve near where you go into the neighborhood where my mom lives. And there was a house that was on that curve. It was right. It was near, a market. Okay.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: And they had chickens. They had, like, animals and stuff out there. It was just this family lived there.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: And just one day, that house was gone. And it was just a pile of smoldering whatever. And I remember asking, and I can't remember, who was in the car with me when I was asking this, but I'm like, what happened to the house? Oh, they got tired of that house. And he just burned it down nonchalantly.

>> Darin: Oh, just. Okay.

>> Mike: Like, so for a while, as a kid, I thought that's what you do. Just tired of the place you're in. You just burn it down. You just Gilbert Grape tired of all these damn chickens.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: I'm just gonna torch this thing. and I asked around.

>> Darin: I was afraid that you burned it down.

>> Mike: No, no, no, I didn't burn that house.

>> Darin: My lord.

>> Mike: No.

>> Darin: Like, do you need Our attorney?

>> Mike: No, but what I understand is the townsfolk that lived around there got tired of this house because it was an eyesore and then just decided to torch it.

>> Darin: I can't do that. You can't? I mean, somebody still owned it, right?

>> Mike: Or, was it vacant, one would think. I don't know. I was a kid when this happened.

>> Darin: If I was vacant, then maybe.

>> Mike: I think. I don't think it was vacant. I think there were at least a couple of chickens that live there.

>> Darin: Yeah, but chickens don't own houses, Mike. Come on, we've been through this.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: A hundred times. Chickens don't own houses.

>> Mike: Ever tell the dead Fred story?

>> Darin: No.

>> Mike: About the horse named Fred that had a boner and died. Go ahead, tell this story.

>> Darin: Yeah, finally we've got a reason for people to stay.

>> Mike: The entire podcast.


This is not my story. I was told this story by a very close friend

All right. This is not my story. I was told this story by a very close friend.

>> Darin: This is Fred the horse who got a boner and die.

>> Mike: Well, don't give it away. Okay, so you just.

>> Darin: You said that.

>> Mike: Anyway, there's an area in our town, and not our town, in this town I'm speaking of. Uh-huh. Called Tick Ridge.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Okay. Tick Ridge.

>> Darin: Tick Ridge.

>> Mike: And there was like a spiral of, What, are those called? Mobile homes. Yeah, Off Tick Ridge.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: and you. You could see them. And there was a family down there. A trailer park trailer, Kind of. Yeah, but kind of. Yeah, that's a nice way of putting it.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: So me and my friend were going down there to deliver. My friend and I would deliver some food and stuff for a, Thanksgiving English deal.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Yeah. And I went in, and there was a girl, a young girl, standing on a stool, stirring a pot. She didn't look like she was old enough to be. Do, like, maybe. Yeah, she was old enough to be doing that. But there was a beer.

>> Darin: Old enough to stir up.

>> Mike: Well, you are. You do need to be old enough to drink a beer. There was a beer right next to it. I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure if that was her beer or not.

>> Darin: Stirring pots at this age.

>> Mike: And there was a table with a turkey on it.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: And there were kids running through the living room where the turkey was out the back into a shed, around the shed, back into the front, door of the trailer. And just this, like, cavalcade of kids.

>> Darin: All right, okay.

>> Mike: It's been a long time since I told this story. It's been about 20 years since I've told this story. So I'm going to Remember things as I go.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: I do remember one of the kids picked up this ashtray. This ashtray was epic. This was a legendary ashtray. It had. It was so full of ashes and cigarette butts. It was like one of those that. Remember the old time. Like, barber shops had those big ashtrays. Oh, yeah, yeah, it was one of those.

>> Darin: Was it made of glass or was it like.

>> Mike: It was like a. Like a bronze. Like a. Like a. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a wire thing holding it.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: Okay. Ashtray, Perfectly rounded mound. One of the kids grabbed that, threw it across the room. Course the ashes, it was like fallout covered.

>> Mike: The turkey.

>> Darin: Oh, my God.

>> Mike: The lady of the house with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth took her bare hand over the. I was present over the turkey and was like, it's still good. And I remember looking at my friend. I remember we were delivering a Christmas tree. I remember looking at her and saying, oh, hell no.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Meanwhile, kids are going out in the shed. We found out doing things you do in the shed. And we got the hell out of there. I was like, I don't know what's going on in this house. I had a conversation. Oh, yeah. No, no. They had a, the window. The front window of the living room was plastic sheeting. Turns out the guy had taken an axe to the window.

>> Darin: Oh.

>> Mike: For some reason.

>> Darin: Oh, yeah.


A horse died on a couch in a trailer park

>> Mike: and there was also.

>> Darin: Any reason.

>> Mike: There was also a couch with an interesting stain outside the trailer.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: On the other side of this broken glass.

>> Darin: It gives a new definition to the word lawn furniture.

>> Mike: Yeah. So I made the mistake of asking what was in the shed. And they said. One of the kids yelled out, fred. I'm m. Like, okay.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: So we leave.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: About a week later, my friend calls me and she said, I've got the story on Fred and what was happening there. Fred, was a horse.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: They lived in a trailer park. Their yard was the size of the room that we're currently in.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: And they had a horse.

>> Darin: Plenty of room to turn around.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: I think the statute of limitations on the story is over, so I'm comfortable telling it. sure. the horse one day got a boner. An erection. Hello.

>> Darin: A hard on.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: A woody.

>> Mike: A woody.

>> Darin: A stiffy.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: A standing Hampton.

>> Mike: Didn't know what to do with it, and it wouldn't go down and it got infected.

>> Darin: Oh.

>> Mike: And the infection killed the horse.

>> Darin: Oh.

>> Mike: And the horse laid down on the couch in front of the trailer and passed.

>> Darin: Okay. It laid on the couch.

>> Mike: On the couch.

>> Darin: The horse is like, I gotta sit down.

>> Mike: And he died on the couch. This family had a well. Uh-huh. In their backyard where the horse was. Uh-huh. That they got their water from. And they buried the horse on the couch. No, in their backyard. Oh, where they have a well.

>> Darin: No.

>> Mike: Yeah. So my friend's mother had visited them.

>> Darin: Jesus.

>> Mike: And noticed this huge horse sized mound near their well.

>> Darin: Right. And also there's an additional mound.

>> Mike: And said, what you guys putting in a garden?

>> Darin: The horse had an erection.

>> Mike: And they said that. No, the horse Fred died and they buried in there. And she's like, you. You can't. You can't bury a horse next to your well.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: So they exhumed Fred. Oh, my God.

>> Darin: And his.

>> Mike: And the couch. They put Fred in the shed behind the trailer. And they were like, well, it's a perfectly good couch. They put the couch right back out in front of the trailer. No. Yes. I told myself for decades now, literally, that the kids were just going out and looking at Fred and not playing with him because they kept running through and touching everything.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: But I don't know for sure what they were doing. But that's the dead Fred story. And I remember the first time I told that story was to my roommates. I've talked about Neil and Kim that were my roommates back then. we went out to, the BW3s. I told the story on this podcast about going to, Star Wars Episode one.

>> Darin: Yes. The Phantom Menace.

>> Mike: Yeah.


Steve Kernacki Stevenson: I believe the story. I don't believe it now, but I know it's true

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: We would go to BW drunken. Yeah.

>> Darin: The Dr. Pepper.

>> Mike: So it was one of those trips out there. I had to tell. I had to relay this story. I didn't believe it myself. And I was there for a good portion of it. I will tell you this. I don't believe it now, but I know it's true. At least the couch. I've saw the couch. Uh-huh. A kid said they were playing with Fred. I watched the ashes go across the turkey and the lady wipe them off. And the dude told me what happened to his window. I know those parts are true.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: So with all that that I saw and the stain on the couch.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: And I believe the story. Are you sure? I've never told this story.

>> Darin: I'd like to think I would remember the story of a horse that died because of an erection.

>> Mike: When I told it before, it used to be really, really good. I can't tell it like I did because. Because Kim, when roommate, she would like when we would all go out, she'd be like, tell the Dead Fred. We get hammered. She'd tell the Dead Fred story, and I'd tell the story to everyone's enjoyment.

>> Darin: That beats any story that I have from all the years that I lived growing up in Virginia.

>> Mike: Dude, I'm telling you, man.

>> Darin: Nothing. I mean, there's.

>> Mike: There's stories in the hills of Proctor. Oh, yeah, Yeah.

>> Darin: M. well, guys, there's no point going on. Nothing we say is going to be better than that. So we're going to wrap this one up. we want to thank you for, listening. If you enjoy this podcast, we hope you tell your friends about it. We hope you go to irritabledadcynd.com and we hope to see you next week on Irritable Dad Syndrome.

>> Dave: Irritable Dead Syndrome is a Mike Odle Darren Cox production.

>> Mike: Have fun with this one. You have, like, a moral quandary. Do I put this in? Does this become bonus? I'm sorry.

>> Darin: Infected erection.

>> Mike: Boner got infected. Ah. and we're gonna go live on the Schwartz.

>> Darin: May the Schwartz be with you.

>> Mike: I think I'm gonna start putting, like, really weird names that everyone knows to see if they mispronounce them, like Napoleon or Rumpelstiltskin.

>> Darin: You did. I'm sorry, you did what?

>> Mike: Nothing. I bored myself saying it. Rodney Dangerfield. Of what? I have no idea. I'll tell you.

>> Darin: We're literally pulling out from where the bus. We are literally pulling out from where the bus is parked. And the driver. We are literally.

>> Mike: So our fact checkers messaged me during that bit.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: 1.609 kilometers to a mile.

>> Darin: Okay. Okay, fantastic.

>> Mike: What's the other guy's name? It's John something.

>> Darin: Steve.

>> Mike: Steve Johnson. Steve Kernacki Stevenson.

>> Darin: John David. John Davidson.

>> Mike: John Davidson. Is that his name?

>> Darin: No, that's the host of, Tic Tac Doe. No, no, the host of the Hollywood Squares.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: I want to go shopping on Christmas Eve with all the crazy people. It's like, does mom like it hammers? She needs a hammer, right? I can buy her a hammer. I thought stallion was a type of horse. A breed of horse.

>> Mike: Well, it is a. I didn't know.

>> Darin: It was a male horse.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So I'm talking to these guys, these people who raise, horses for a living, and I'm like, so you guys, get a lot of stallions? Yeah, we do.

>> Mike: Yeah.


There's a few pieces of art that I think are critical

>> Darin: And they were breeding the horses. Yeah. Okay. Two of them. And I'm standing there like, so, which One's the stallion. and the look on these guys. And this stupid kid, the stupidest, kid in the world, who had no idea that the stallion's the boy horse who inserts his erection into the female horse.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah, that's right. That's a. Yeah. I, I was a kid.

>> Darin: I didn't know I.

>> Mike: That my first.

>> Darin: I didn't know.

>> Mike: Why.

>> Darin: Why would you know that a stallion means male horse?

>> Mike: I tell you, there's. There's a few pieces, of, art that I think are critical. Human race. Lord of the Rings.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: And the Muppets.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: I mean, come on, name anything, anything that tops either one of those. They don't. They don't even top one another. Because if I'm watching Lord of the Rings and you say, do you want to watch the Muppets? I'd be like, yeah. And if I'm watching the Muppets and you say, let's watch Lord of the Rings. If they made Lord of the Rings with the Muppets.

>> Darin: Have you not seen.

>> Mike: Oh, no. Have they?

>> Darin: Oh, it's horrible. Peter Jackson did, Crap. Meet the Feebles.

>> Mike: okay, I've heard of that. Okay.

>> Darin: Adult sized, Muppet characters who do drugs and kill and. It's bad.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: I don't like, Don't. Don't mix those two.

>> Mike: I don't like non Muppet puppets. I think non Muppet puppets kind of blow, right?

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Usually whenever I see a puppet that I enjoy, even if I didn't know that it was a Henson puppet, I'll find out later that it was. You know what I mean?

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Like, I think that's an awesome puppet. And it's like, ah, it's Jim Henson joint.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Here's a marking in the Durham. According.