IDS #202 - The Stinky Pants from TJ Maxx

On this episode of Irritable Dad Syndrome, Darin's Mom did something that just might get her banned at TJ Maxx!

Plus, Mike became a local hero during his visit to Record Store Day.

We also talk about extended warranties, chinese food, erectile dysfunction treatments and lots of things that smell bad.

This show is plusier and rewardier than it's ever been before. We're glad you're listening!

#TJMAXX
#RECORDSTOREDAY
#420
#KIA
#TOYOTA
#CHINESEFOOD
#KROGER

Transcript

>> Darin: I can't believe you bought all those peeps. That's hilarious.

>> Mike: I've been thinking about going back and getting more. If we weren't doing this tonight, I was going to go back and get more. I don't care. I bought 21 boxes of peeps, and by God, I'm eating 21 boxes. I'm 48 years old. I've been eating peeps my whole life. My friend came up to me, and he said this. He said, hey, you know what? I like mashed potatoes.

>> Darin: It's like, dude, you gotta give me time to guess.

>> Dave: Welcome to irritable dad syndrome. Four out of five doctors listen to this podcast. Please welcome your hosts, Mike and Darren.

>> Darin: Hi, I'm Darren.

>> Mike: I'm Fitzgerald.

>> Darin: Welcome to irritable dad syndrome. This is episode 202.

>> Mike: Yes, this is Cincinnati's comedy podcast. if you're not laughing, you're not doing it right.

>> Darin: That's right.

>> Mike: Yeah. It's not our fault. No, it's certainly not our fault. No, no, no.

>> Darin: Absolutely not.

>> Mike: So we got a lot of things to talk about.

>> Darin: What's that?

>> Mike: Today, tonight, on your drive, wherever you're going, if you're on the toilet. That's weird. You're listening to us on the toilet, but you. Do you.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: within reason. I want to talk about the fact.

>> Darin: I certainly would if I could.

>> Mike: So we just bought a new car, and I want to talk about the fact that Kia helped sell me on some Toyota services.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: That I was dead set against.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: and I also want to talk about, my record store day experience. Record store day 420 24.

>> Darin: Nice. I'm going to tell a story. My mom, I'm pretty sure, has been banned from TJ Maxx.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: I don't know if it's the entire chain or just the one store.

>> Mike: Yeah. But, yeah, they have, like, her picture up, like, probably, so do not let this woman.

>> Darin: It would not surprise me at all. How you doing?

>> Mike: All right?

>> Darin: Yeah. good.

>> Mike: Good. I'm a little for clumped today.

>> Darin: What's. What's going on?

>> Mike: I've been dehydrated all day, and I don't know why.

>> Darin: Yeah. Have you been drinking fluids?

>> Mike: I have been.

>> Darin: That's.

>> Mike: I've been down in water like crazy. Yeah, I ate popcorn last night with a lot of salt.

>> Darin: Well, that adds to the dehydration.

>> Mike: yeah, yeah. So I'm a little off. My synapses aren't firing correctly.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: The connections in my brain aren't, well, electrolyted with the penultimate flow of my, synergies.

>> Darin: Yeah, yeah. You keep using the horde. I do not think it means what you think it means. You know, you mentioned penultimate. Reminds me of something that's on our rundown tonight. There are two new words in the english language, apparently, and those two new words are plussier and rewardier.

>> Mike: Nope.

>> Darin: Okay, so I was at the UDF, up here in Ohio, they've got the UDF, which is united dairy farmers. That is a chain of convenience stores. They're gas stations that have ice cream. They have. And they've got pretty good ice cream, too. So if you have a UDF card, you can get, like, $0.03 off a gallon at your UDF. Okay, so it's the UDF plus card. Creative.

>> Mike: Ah.

>> Darin: Now, the UDF plus card has gotten plus year. I don't know what that means, but I was intrigued, and I'm going to go and find out what that means. Does that mean that I now get $0.04 off a gallon? Because I. My card is now plugged. Plusier. I don't know. Millennials?

>> Mike: Are they in the marketing now? maybe it's not them anymore. I don't think we could. I don't think we can blame them anymore.

>> Darin: Now, you seem upset about this, but we're the ones who say penultimate when that word doesn't mean what we think it means.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Yay.

>> Mike: Yay.

>> Darin: There's another word for you. And then we went to old Navy. Have you ever been to old Navy?

>> Mike: I mean, old Navy.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Yeah, I like old Navy. M all of my jeans are from old Navy.

>> Darin: Okay. So you go into old Navy, and you can get old Navy rewards.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And, old Navy's rewards are now rewardier. So our irritable dad syndrome is now penultimate than it's ever been before.

>> Mike: See, the english student in me says, no, it's more penultimate.

>> Darin: More penultimate ish.

>> Mike: The most penultimate. More penultimate error. Penultimate test.

>> Darin: That's.

>> Mike: That sounds like somebody that does something in proper to penultimates.

>> Darin: Yeah, penultimate, maybe. Yeah. But anyway, so I was caught in.

>> Mike: An uncompromising position with a penultimate.

>> Darin: Penultimate.

>> Mike: Penultimate.

>> Darin: Right. Yeah, it was plus year. It was rewardier.

>> Mike: Yeah. Right. Yeah.

>> Darin: So I don't know who else is going to. To do that. you know, add, an ear to words that don't normally have that, but I kind of encourage it. I'm excited about it. I want to see what else happens.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Dave: You're listening to irritable dad syndrome, Cincinnati's comedy podcast.

>> Darin: That is, without question, the funniest story I've ever heard.

>> Mike: M I was thinking about what we could talk about on the. On Cincinnati's comedy podcast.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: That would really get people rolling.

>> Darin: And what's that, Mike?

>> Mike: I'd like to talk about extended Gerald, I'd like to talk about extended car warrants.

>> Darin: Oh, okay.

>> Mike: I'd like to talk about how Kia helped sell me Toyota's extended warranty.

>> Darin: How did they do that? And why would they do that?

>> Mike: So I walked into Toyota like every good, God fearing christian American. Yeah, I ain't getting your extended warranty. They have engineers at Toyota. They have people that work very hard to make the car as good as they can make it.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: Additionally, we are trading in a van now. Yes. The van was being held together by bird nests and bubblegum, but it lasted almost 15 years.

>> Darin: That's a long time.

>> Mike: Probably could have lasted another year before it caught fire on the side of the highway.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: But I don't want to push it too far, so I'm going in there. We ain't getting that. We don't need it, right? For this, the whole run of this car.

>> Darin: Nope, nope, no, no.

>> Mike: Then we get in and we actually see the car, and I look up under the hood. That's what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to look under the hood of the car and take a look at the engine.

>> Darin: And then as you do that, you go, Yeah. M act like you know what you're looking at.

>> Mike: I didn't. I lifted the hood, and with Charles next to me, Charlie, I said, I don't know. That's where the windshield wiper fluid goes. And he said, how do you know? And I said, because it has the squirty thing on it.

>> Darin: Right? It's got the wipers on it.

>> Mike: And he said, and it's usually blue. And he said, what's that? And I said, I pretty sure that's an engine. Cause at this point, I wasn't sure if that was the only engine in.

>> Darin: The car on the Toyota or the engines in the front. Yeah, okay.

>> Mike: it was all. I mean, it was all. I didn't understand any of it. What I did understand was there was a lot of stuff there that I don't understand even more so, than what it was like 15 years ago. And I thought, oh, my.

>> Darin: Now, less understandier than ever before.

>> Mike: So m they leave us for a few minutes alone with the car while they go get the financier, set up, and then they beckon us into. Oh, you were beckoning into the alcove. Now, I was in this exact same office space. Cause we bought the van at the same Toyota Georgia at Kings. And I walk in, I'm pretty sure it was the same office, a different guy. So I got into an argument with the guy when we bought the van, because he wanted me to get the extended warranty. And he said that the doors. We talked about this in the last episode. Doors would.

>> Darin: Your doors are going to stop working.

>> Mike: Yeah. And we. Things got a little heated in there. They get a little tense. You get. The temperature rose.

>> Darin: It got tense here.

>> Mike: Yeah. Now let's rewind a bit. I buy this Kia Okay. Randomly, electronic things will die. The air conditioner just quits working. The fan. That blows the air. The air conditioner. Sometimes the little computer in there just. It'll turn the air conditioner on, but it won't turn the fan on. Or it'll turn the fan on low. When you have it set on high and flip it the other direction.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Sometimes the screen will just go blank. Sometimes it'll come on. Sometimes when you're backing up, the backup camera doesn't work until you're going forward.

>> Darin: All of these are issues.

>> Mike: It's really fun on a daily basis trying to guess what thing is not going to work. I've had the car for three years, okay? I've had the same phone connected to it for three years. Every time I get into the car, it says, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Where's your phone?

>> Darin: Slow down.

>> Mike: Charlie and I have to connect the phone to it about every third time I connect the phone to it. It has to download all my contacts, okay? It's been downloading all my contacts for years. I don't know that many people. You, my mom, Fanch, Bess and Fanch.

>> Darin: Box.

>> Mike: Box.

>> Mike: Yeah. And you know, that's it.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And it does this every single Dan.

>> Darin: We don't want Dan to feel left out.

>> Mike: Sometimes the speakers quit working. Sometimes they work. Sometimes when I turn on the key, the speakers are to the maximum volume on a radio station, and the neighbors get to hear me at six in the morning blaring. 103.9.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: 139.

>> Darin: 101.5 edit.

>> Mike: Yeah, 103.5. And then me cussing, that's what some of our neighbors wake up to.

>> Darin: Okay, lucky neighbors.

>> Mike: Just randomly random. It's the randomness that pisses you off. And so I'm,

>> Darin: Kia roulette.

>> Mike: So he's talking while he's going through this thing, and he just goes through and I'm like, I'm getting the sales pitch for the extended warranty now. How long you think you're gonna drive your car? You think you might drive it? Ten years? Yeah, he'll probably drive it ten years. Okay. And it gives me this graph, and I'm like, here we go. I'm gonna, he's got, I'm gonna listen to the sales pitch and everything. And he said something key in the middle of it. He said, you know, the screen, if the screen goes out, you're looking at two or $3,000 just to replace the screen. And I remember my first thought, my Gen X person on this shoulder.

>> Darin: Right?

>> Mike: Gen X guy.

>> Darin: Yep.

>> Mike: Says, that's nobody's paying $3,000 for a screen. But then Kia guy popped.

>> Mike: Up and said, can you control the car if you don't have the screen? Can you do anything? Because everything is on there and it's part of the dashboard. It's not like you pop it out and pop it in and, yeah, that's.

>> Darin: Three plus in there.

>> Mike: Yeah. And we talked to some other people later who told us that they've had to replace theirs. It was like $3,500.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And the plan to include that with, like, this whole smorgasbord of things was like $50.

>> Darin: Right?

>> Mike: I elected. We elected. I was looking at it and I said, hold on. And I said this to the guy. I said, I currently drive a Kia. And he said, I'm sorry, he interrupted me. And he said, I used to work, he said, I used to work at a Kia dealership. I, know what you're dealing with. He said, how many miles do you have on it? And I said, 150,000. And he said, and it's still running. And I said, yeah. And he said, most things go out at 100,000.

>> Darin: uh-huh

>> Mike: And I said, yeah. He said, have you hit the point where you have to add, keep adding oil to it, like every, two or 3000 miles? I'm like, no, I haven't hit there. He's like, it's coming.

>> Darin: I said, oh, you're scaring me because Libby has the Kia Sorento.

>> Mike: The Sorento?

>> Darin: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Mike: And I said, okay. He said, he just smiled at me. And I said, because of that car, I'm, gonna get the warranty. And he's like, you know, this is better than your car to me. Like, he's like, this car is better than your car to last longer. And I said, yeah, but I'm not paying $3,000 for that screen. I'm not doing that.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: You know, and the whole price of this, when you spread it out, ends up being about $3,000. Remember we looked under the hood, me and Charlie, right? And it was like when, Vincent Vega opened the case. The gold fiction and the gold. Like, I don't know what any of this is. If Joe schmoe down at the Toyota thing says that right there is your catalytic, penultimate, it's about $5,000, I'd be like, okay, I guess we're gonna, sell one of the kids. I don't know what we need to do. And, so I just did that so we don't have to worry about it. So Toyota, call someone at Kia and thank them for making a Sorento and selling it to me to cause me to get the extended warranty on this thing.

>> Darin: Nice.

>> Mike: Yeah. Full disclosure, I feel bad. I know that I posted on the facebooks about, my experience with Kia. And I got a lot of people very upset with me. I just bought a.

>> Darin: They have a problem. They can get a podcast and they can tell their own stories.

>> Mike: I just bought a Kia last week, and it's wonderful. I bought a Kia two months ago and it delivered our baby. All these things about how wonderful. I got a Kia and the glove compartment was full of peeps.

>> Darin: Exactly. I was. Yeah. I had my kidney stolen out of b and b and my Kia gave me one of his kidneys.

>> Mike: I'm sure. Yeah, I'm sure. They're wonderful cars. They have a hundred thousand mile warranty out of the box. Like when you. When you get them. I'm sure they're great. When we bought mine, it was disturbingly cheap, which is what we needed at the time because we were, poor and we needed a car right now, and that's. We got one. It had a weird smell. I think I've talked to you about it before. For about a year, I was convinced someone had been murdered in my kia. And they had left the body in there in the sun for a few months. It was an awful smell. That's gone.

>> Darin: Oh, good.

>> Mike: Yeah. here's where the car is in my thing. When I go and Amy and Andrew go workout and we get all sweaty and nasty, I would just sit in the car. Ok. Charlie spilled a frosty in the back. Most, of the frosty is still on the seat. I don't give it. I don't care. I don't care about that car. Whatever it just needs to live long enough to get me back and forth to work for another two to three years.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And then it's going away, and when I go to trade it in, they're gonna laugh at me.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And I'm gonna laugh right along with them. I know. I know.

>> Dave: This portion of irritable dead syndrome is brought to you by mister Bubble, the bath time soap that makes getting clean as much fun as getting dirty.

>> Darin: That's right.

>> Dave: Now back to the show.

>> Darin: Speaking of cars and smells, I've got a little, It's one of Darren's tips for all of you who are listening to the show, and it's a simple tip, and I want you to write this down. If you go to a chinese restaurant, any chinese restaurant, china buffet, any China house, any Chinese. China town, panda express, it don't matter, China line, kung fu, rice emporium.

>> Mike: China, penultimate.

>> Darin: Exactly. Yeah. Who's big ass China? dinner and stuff.

>> Mike: Bangkok.

>> Darin: Yeah, exactly. That's a vietnamese restaurant, Mike.

>> Mike: That's right.

>> Darin: Yeah. If you go to any chinese, and I'm gonna expand it. Or a japanese restaurant. Oh, okay. If you go to any of those restaurants, and let's say that you. You eat half of it, and you're like, oh, my God, I'm so full. Because of all the rice.

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darin: I'm gonna take this home and eat it later.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: So if you many people do that.

>> Darin: If you get leftovers, and let's say there's three or four people in your car. Okay. And you drive a hatchback, a very specific example. If you take those leftovers and put them in the back of the car, and let's say you leave them in the car for eight, nine days.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: It's gonna smell.

>> Mike: Yeah. Smells like my kia.

>> Darin: It's really gonna smell hard. Yeah. So we did that.

>> Mike: Congratulations.

>> Darin: Thank you. Yeah, we went to lunch with my mom after church. This is two weeks ago. And afterwards, we went to a chinese restaurant.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And I had the pork, lo mein, which is the bomb. That's pork with.

>> Mike: With the noodles main on top of it.

>> Darin: I prefer the noodles over rice. Don't hate me. Don't send me emails. I don't care if you like rice better than you like the noodles. I don't care.

>> Mike: I'm a rice guy.

>> Darin: Yeah. I'm a rice guy, but I like rice too.

>> Mike: Every once in a while, I see someone with noodles, and I think, man, I wish I had some noodles if.

>> Darin: I had the choice. I'm gonna pick noodles.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Anyway, I'm trying to do better. I'm really trying to do better and not eat just a massive amount of food in one sitting. I ate about half my stuff. I'm like, I'm gonna be good. I'm gonna take the rest home. Totally forgot about it. And since I work from home, and then the Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday after that, I didn't pick the kids up because one of the moms in the pickup group picked up Cameron and brought him home. So like, Thursday, Libby and I rode somewhere together and she said, do you smell something in the car? I'm like, maybe. And then we didn't really think anything about it. And I was like, okay, so that was Thursday. Friday I drove and picked Cameron up. And I'm thinking, yeah, there is something smelling in the car. Saturday happened. Sunday happened. We took mom's van to church. Monday we're talking. No, it's now nine days. and, I'm driving to your house to do this thing.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And I'm like, my God, something smells in the car.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: It had been in my car for nine days.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah. Why?

>> Darin: Didn't eat it? I threw it away.

>> Mike: The reason I'm laughing is I watch a lot of these and listen to a lot of these true crime podcasts on the YouTube and all that stuff. Part of me cracks up a little bit when they talk about I smelled something odd and went and looked in the trash. And there was my grandmother. I'm like, I don't know how long a body would need to be out there before I finally look.

>> Darin: We had just watched grumpy old men where, what's his face threw the fish in the back of Walter Matthau's car. And it was like three days before he noticed it in there. So, yeah, just, if you bring leftovers home, remember that they're in the car and get them out of the car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Little tip from Uncle Darren.

>> Mike: So, record store day. Yeah, let's talk about record store day.

>> Darin: Yeah, I love record store day.

>> Mike: Here's the deal.

>> Darin: I always love going to record store day.

>> Mike: Bess has this. Bess does a lot of odd things.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Like marrying you.

>> Mike: Yes.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: She's in the buy nothing cult. We've talked about that. Where random people come and take stuff from a box next to your step and they leave things. And she's in this other thing they do. A. Have you ever heard of a crop? A, what's that called? Scrapbooking crop?

>> Darin: No, they haven't heard it called a crop. But I've heard of scrapbooking cults.

>> Mike: Well, she invited Libby, too.

>> Darin: Yes, she did. Yeah.

>> Mike: So from 09:00 a.m. m on a Saturday.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: Until 09:00 p.m. jesus, that's 12 hours, Darren.

>> Darin: That is. That's almost half the day.

>> Mike: They take all their scrapbooking things, all their pictures, the little flowers, the little lettering, the scissors.

>> Darin: There's stencil, the knife, there's stamps, all that.

>> Mike: Tapes and the glue and stuff.

>> Darin: They have a glue gun.

>> Mike: And they all go to, in this case, an old ladies home, an old folk home.

>> Darin: People use sparkly glitter.

>> Mike: It was like a spare room in the old folks home. And best, every once in awhile, one of them would roll in, and be, what are you doing there? And they would talk to them, and I'm like, okay, you were really living it up.

>> Darin: Don't party too hard.

>> Mike: And she said, well, Charlie has a sleepover on Friday night, okay. And I'll need you to pick him up around 10:00 and I said, it's record store day tomorrow.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: And she said, well, you can go after, like, 11:00. I was like, I can't go at.

>> Darin: 11:00 everything will be gone.

>> Mike: It'll all be gone. There's a u two release. And she said, there's a u two release. Every records. And I said, yes, yes. And I haven't missed one yet.

>> Darin: And your point?

>> Mike: Yeah, we went to Morgantown one year.

>> Mike: Uh-huh register store day is always on Black Friday. And then they do one in April or May, or they, like, they're opposite each other, right. In the year. They started that with COVID And when Covid hit, they split the record store days up. They're like, we'll do half the records on this date. We'll do half the records on that date. We'll split the crowds up. It'll be half each. And then what they ended up doing was having two full assets. Record store days on each day.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: So I was like, well, never half ass two things. Whole ass one thing. I have to go.

>> Darin: There were my full last days.

>> Mike: Two full last days. Okay, you went to the register day. everybody's with me. We were there for hours.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Like, waiting in line, all this. I'm gonna get there. I can't get there at, like, 08:00 and I won't be able to pick up my kid, and I'm not going to miss record store day.

>> Darin: Right. You gotta have important things in your life.

>> Mike: There's a record store near us called Plaid Room records.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: Which is where I eventually ended up going. And they start taking numbers for the line at 04:00 a.m. what?

>> Dave: Four?

>> Mike: I didn't think that you would want to get up at 04:00 a.m. i set my alarm.

>> Darin: You thought correctly.

>> Mike: I set my alarm for 04:00 a.m. she set her alarm for 08:00 a.m. for her crop thing.

>> Darin: Cold.

>> Mike: And,

>> Darin: Scrapbooking.

>> Mike: Scrapbooking. I woke up to go potty at 03:50 a.m. i looked at the fact that I had an alarm, and I said, do. I'm not doing that. I'm gonna sleep in. I slept in until about eight or nine.

>> Darin: Mm

>> Mike: and then I got up and I'm like, I'm just gonna go there. I found a record store near us in Fairfield.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: Like, I'll go to that.

>> Darin: I've been to that one.

>> Mike: I'll be in. It's called three feather records.

>> Darin: Yeah, I've been there.

>> Mike: Yeah, I'll go there, and I'll wait in line there because they were opening at ten.

>> Darin: Oh.

>> Mike: And then I'll go get Charlie.

>> Darin: Perfect.

>> Mike: Perfect.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: I waited in line. While I'm in line, I'm talking to people a little bit. People weren't talking very much.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: and I looked on their list, and they didn't have, like, half the things I wanted there. I wanted the main reasons I was going. noel gallagher. I love noel gallagher.

>> Darin: Okay. Yeah.

>> Mike: Single.

>> Darin: He was with the, oasis.

>> Mike: Yes. u two has their normal u two release.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: The, collective soul dosage. It's my favorite collective. It's a great album, but I get that. And then the new pearl jam, which is not a record store day exclusive. But I was gonna get it anyway. While you're there and record store day version of it, is this really. I'll show it to you after this. It's just really cool. Translucent colored vinyl.

>> Darin: Sweet.

>> Mike: So I was like, the only one they had was the pearl jam one. So I'm like, the hell? So I ended up getting the who, too, because they had that there. Kind of cool.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Like a greatest hits. And then I had to go get Charlie. And then I said to charlie, would you want to go to Loveland with me to platinum records? Fully expecting him to say, no, take me home, he said. And he said, and I quote, bet.

>> Darin: Nice. All right.

>> Mike: They went there.

>> Darin: For all you, boomers out there, bet means yes.

>> Mike: So this is closing in. It's like 1030 or whatever. I'm like, the lines have to be gone. I'm just walking. I looked. They. Plaid room records does it right.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: They tell you what number they're serving. So, like, if you got a. A number at 04:00 a.m. you like, at a deli. Yeah.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: And then they also tell you live real time what the stock is. So if there's something you want there on record store day, you can see the stock going down. Is there like, on, like, on an app? Like a little. Yeah, it's okay. On. It's. What's a website that you're looking.

>> Darin: There's not, like, some guy at the airport?

>> Mike: No.

>> Darin: The Pearl jam album is two away from being sold out.

>> Mike: Yep. Yeah. Yeah. yeah. Someone bought the Todd Rundgren album, mother. Yeah, yeah, none of that. I get there. All right. And I walk up, by the way.

>> Darin: Somebody would say, yeah, hello, it's me. Who bought that? These are Todd Rundgren jokes, people. I told you, Cincinnati's comedy podcast.

>> Mike: So we get there and they hand me a number, and there's this whole crowd out there. And I'm like, holy. There's still a crowd out here.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: They hand me thing and it said 420. It's this one. It's a pick sheet. You mark on here what albums you want. I was like, I don't care about that. I just know that I'm number 420. He said, we're on number 200 right now. It's gonna be. We're going about 50 an hour. It's like, oh, well, that gives me times. Like, me and Charlie. We can have lunch. There's a place right next. It has amazing pancakes.

>> Darin: You don't have to stay in line.

>> Mike: No.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: You just come back when your number's called.

>> Darin: Oh, nice.

>> Mike: Ready? There's a place right next to it that has pancakes with cinnamon butter.

>> Darin: Shut up. Mmm. I'm not even hungry and I'm starving.

>> Mike: I'm a pancake snob.

>> Darin: I love pancakes.

>> Mike: We've talked about pancakes many times, a lot on this show.

>> Darin: This could easily be Cincinnati's pancake podcast.

>> Mike: These were good pancakes.

>> Mike: I fully recommend. It's the pantry. I think it's called the pan. No, that's the place in Vegas that also has good pancakes. Yeah, this place is right next to room records. Great pancakes.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Anyway, me and Charlie had pancakes.

>> Darin: I.

>> Mike: Look, they're on, like, number 300 or 260 something. I was like, I have time to take him home. Here's the deal. If I get home with him and it's like 360 or whatever, that's just enough time for me to drive back and go in and get the thing. Yeah, that's what happened. I dropped him off.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: Andrew was home. I was like, watch this kid while I go. He's like, is it regular store day? Yeah, it's regular store day. I go back to think. So I go back and they're on. They're now serving number 425. And I go up and I said, is it too late for me to come in? I'm 420. And he took the paper. There's a whole crowd out there. Walks past me like I'm aimed at the record store. Walks past me out onto the step and holds it up and announces to the crowd, we've got number 420 here, people. And everyone started cheering. So all I could do was raise my fist up and turn around and.

>> Darin: Yeah, like Rocky Balboa.

>> Mike: I literally did a rocky Balboa.

>> Darin: Nice.

>> Mike: They start clapping.

>> Mike: And he said, have you put your picks on here yet? I'm like, no, I just wanted to go in and, and he's like, you want some things on here, though. You do want some things. So I marked him up with the collective soul in the YouTube, and I said, we will get those for you. You can browse. And then, you come back and get them. I was like, wow. So I go around and I got the Noel Gallagher. And I'm looking at everybody and all the stuff. And I come by and one of the guys there, I just hear people say, 420. What did the 420 guy want? What's in the 420 guy got? Hey, Bill, what the 420 guy were?

>> Darin: What did he get, that 420 guy?

>> Mike: And I look and they're putting my stuff together. They have the things. And there's a diff, there's another album in there that I didn't order.

>> Mike: And he, I look, and I was like, I'm the 420 guy. And he looked up and he's like, you're the 420 guy? And I'm like, yeah. And he fist bumped me. And he said, all right. I just, I wanted the Utun collective soul. And he's like, yeah, and you get this. And he gave, there's another album from a local artist that they gave me.

>> Darin: Was it good?

>> Mike: Gabbard. I haven't listened to it.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: And rolling, papers.

>> Darin: Nice. Because you love to roll things.

>> Mike: And the, the owners, they signed the pick sheet. So this is signed by the runners or owners. Or whatever of the thing. Autographs, they. Yeah, autographed by the. They were clapping. There's a whole thing.

>> Darin: They, did everything but put you on their hands and pass you down.

>> Mike: I was gonna offer my autograph to people out in the crowd. You know that. We're still waiting.

>> Darin: Did this would be a great time to say, hey, by the way, have you heard irritable dancing?

>> Mike: I didn't.

>> Darin: You weren't wearing your shirt, Mike. So you had rolling papers, you had five minutes of fame, and now you have.

>> Mike: I squandered it.

>> Darin: Nice.

>> Mike: but, yeah, it was, it was fun. But that's why I didn't call you. No, it's right, because I wasn't sure.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: I was going. I would have been able to have.

>> Darin: Gone that early anyway, so. Yeah. Well, good.

>> Mike: I did miss you.

>> Darin: I bet.

>> Mike: When I was number 420.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: I thought, I need somebody here to celebrate this moment with me to roll one. I don't even have anything to roll.

>> Darin: No, I'm sure I don't either.

>> Mike: Loveland. We'd find somebody.

>> Darin: It's legal now.

>> Mike: We could roll one of those pancakes.

>> Darin: You know, roll up a pancake and smoke it. Yeah.

>> Dave: This portion of our show is brought to you by vinyl. It's making a comeback, you know. Now back to you guys in the studio.

>> Darin: Mom came over to visit the other day.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And she was in a mood.

>> Mike: Yeah. Your mom lives in people who knew listeners to show.

>> Darin: Yep.

>> Mike: She lives like, my mom lives like.

>> Darin: Ten minutes down the street from us, just a few miles. She's very, easy to go and get if we need. And, we see her two or three times a week, as m many times as we can. So mom comes up and she, she was in a little bit of a mood. I'm like, mom, what's going on? And by the way, mom, if you're listening, if I don't tell this story exactly like it happened, sue me. Take me out of the will. I'm sorry. Here's the thing.

>> Mike: If you, if you take him out of the will, I, I've always respected you and adored you.

>> Darin: she adores you as well.

>> Mike: Well, that's wonderful.

>> Darin: I'm going to screw some details of this story up, but I'm going to skip all the things that don't really matter and get to the point. Mom went to TJ Maxx. She had bought a pair of pants.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: She was returning the pants because they had a horrible smell. The pants.

>> Mike: I've never, or after, before.

>> Darin: She bought them brand new brings, them home. My God, they smell horrible. Yeah, I think she determined that it was, like, maybe formaldehyde, like a chemical. I don't know what it was. They smelled really bad. And she's like, this is weird. Pants aren't supposed to smell, especially when they're brand new.

>> Mike: They're brand new?

>> Darin: Yeah, yeah. If you do something to the pants.

>> Mike: Your pants.

>> Darin: Yeah, yeah.

>> Mike: Which, I mean, you'd expect a little.

>> Darin: She's going to return the pants. Now, here's the thing.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: She bought them on her TJ Maxx card.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Okay. She had the bill from TJ Maxx.

>> Mike: They probably have a clause that says if your pants smell, just.

>> Darin: Oh, you think so? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She didn't have her original receipt with her, but she had her TJ Maxx card that said. And then the bill. Right. That said she bought it for whatever amount. The lady at TJ Maxx would not return them. She would not give her store credit. And she basically said, there's nothing that we can do until you bring in the original receipt. Now, you and I have talked about this before. Like, at Walmart, they take anything. You can bring something back that has blood all over it. they exchange it. Either give you. They either give you cash or store credit.

>> Mike: Yeah. There was a Larry, the cable guy, had a joke. He could bring used diapers back and say he's already got in them.

>> Darin: Yeah. Not this lady. She would not return the money for these pants that smelled horrible.

>> Mike: She think it is target. That's target.

>> Darin: Is target bad for returning target?

>> Mike: They. We, Yeah, they are really.

>> Darin: They used to be. Now, that time I had the bicycle, incidentally, and I brought it back, and they did. They bent over backwards.

>> Mike: Yeah, they may have changed their ways.

>> Darin: I'm gonna say that target is on the plus side, but TJ Maxx is not. So mom was like, so you're not going to exchange them unless I have the original receipt. And the ladies like, I'm sorry, I can't, because you don't have the receipt. And mom's like, well, it's at my house, and it's. I mean, I'd have to go home and find it. how much are these pants? I don't know, like 20. I don't know. They could not possibly be worth all the trouble.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Anyway, the lady decided to lecture my mom. I don't think so.

>> Mike: I'm sure that went over.

>> Darin: This does not work with my mom. Anybody who's ever met my mom knows you don't lecture my mom. So mom said, well, I'd have to go home and find the receipt. And this lady says, well, you know what I do is I have a little black box, and I keep all my receipts in there all the time, and that way I know where they are. Mom looks at her and says, well, good for you. The lady looked back at mom like, hey, what happened? Mom took the stinky pants dude and left.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: She's telling me the story, and this whole time, I'm just, like, dying. And then mom says that, by the way, you can tell the story on the podcast. You can mention my name and TJ Maxx.

>> Mike: Oh, my. Yeah.

>> Darin: Okay. It reminds me of that scene from old brother where he, was banned from the piggly wiggly. It was like, was it the entire chain or just that store? I don't know if they've got her picture hanging up. Do not serve this lady. She may be, but.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah, it's. Yeah. So I mentioned target. They used to be really bad. about that, but your. The story reminded me of, I went into. I don't go to banks anymore. Who goes to? I don't know who goes to banks.

>> Darin: I was in one this morning.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Yeah. Libby and I went. We met with our financial advisor.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And Susan Weber is going to take us out to dinner some night.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: She had a blast with us. We had a blast with her. Yeah. So she wants to meet you, by the way.

>> Mike: We had to get, like, a cashier's check or something for, an apartment when we're moving down here. And, you know, I just switched jobs. We didn't have a lot of money. so we go in there, to get a cashier's check. I think it was just me. She said, oh, you know, who to make it out to. And I told her the place, and she's like, oh, it's for an apartment, for a down payment. And I said, yeah. And she said, yeah, I wouldn't pay this much for an apartment. I own my own home, and I pay less than half of this for my mortgage. And she just. She wasn't, like, trying to sell me a mortgage.

>> Darin: I don't remember asking you.

>> Mike: She wasn't looking at me when she said it. She was just looking at the computer. Yeah, I wouldn't pay this. I wouldn't do that. Just a waste of money.

>> Mike: Yeah. I would just get a house, like, the house that I have.

>> Darin: Like, that's an option. Yeah.

>> Mike: Yeah. And I'm like, that's wonderful.

>> Darin: That's.

>> Mike: That's great. I'm gonna need a step stool to get up here to look you in the eye. You know, it's like, what the hell is that comment? It still pisses me off.

>> Darin: The maddest I ever got at, an employee. I went to a lenscrafters. I lived in Tennessee at the time. They had a buy one, get one free glasses, right?

>> Mike: Buy one lens, you get the other one.

>> Darin: No, no. You get them both. It was a monocle sale. You get two monocles. Buy one, get one free.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So I bought a pair of regular glasses and then a pair of prescription sunglasses, okay? And they came with a one year guaranteed replacement. If they get scratched, they get bent, they get damaged, whatever. Within one year, they will replace the glasses.

>> Mike: Okay?

>> Darin: So I had these glasses, and they had some scratches on them, and they were. The screws kept coming out and everything. And I thought, hell, it's a, anything guarantee, you know? So I go to get a free pair of glasses to return them because I'm within the one year.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: This girl, she had to have been 20, okay? Was working the front. And I said, yeah, I'm here to return these glasses, and get a new pair because I have the one year, guarantee plan. She goes, oh, okay. Yeah. Okay, well, we can do that. Hang on 1 second. So she goes and she brings back Broomhilda, this woman in her fifties, and she gives me the look like we're not exchanging your glasses. And she says, yeah, I don't know what she told you, but we can't exchange the glasses. And I said, I don't know. I said, I don't know why you can't. I said, when I bought them, it had the one year guarantee for scratches. If they were damaged, they were broken.

>> Darin: And she said it was okay to exchange that. And she's like, well, you're. We really. She was just difficult. Okay, hang on a second. She goes back, comes back a few minutes later, all right, we're gonna exchange them because she said that we could. We're really not supposed to.

>> Mike: What do you mean you're not supposed to? You got an agreement, right?

>> Darin: I said, well, I mean, while I'm here, can you adjust these?

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And she goes, yeah, I can adjust them. And so she's sitting there monkeying with my glasses, trying to adjust them or whatever. Snaps them right in the middle. Snaps them in half. Half mike. And she sets them down and she walks over and finds the silver pair of frames. Mine were gold frames.

>> Mike: Okay?

>> Darin: And she gets a silver pair. And she's talking to her friend. So the other day, I was talking to this thing, and she's taking the lenses out and she's putting them in the new pair of frames, just talking and doing. I said, you broke my glasses. And she goes, oh, yeah. I was adjusting them, and it snapped in the middle. I'm putting them in the, in this, in this other hair. I'm like, but those are silver frames.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: She goes, yeah. I said, I don't want silver frames. She goes, you don't like the silver frames? I don't want the silver frames. I don't like the silver frames.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I said, you're over there yapping to your friend and you broke my glasses. And she says, well, I don't see what this conversation I'm having with Donna has to do with anything. I said, I think you could pay more attention to what you're doing. And she just did attract. She goes, you're right.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I'm m sorry. And she says, I'm gonna put your lenses in these frames.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Darin: And then when your new pair come in, if that's okay, then. Okay.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And mom was with me.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: And mom just sat. She kept scooting back a little further. Mom didn't want to get caught in the crossfire.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: But I'm like, I think you could pay more attention to what you're doing.

>> Mike: What you're doing. Yeah. Yeah.

>> Darin: And when I came back to get my new pair. Hi, how are you?

>> Mike: like, I'm good.

>> Darin: And she was like, putting wash? Because those look really good. Are they comfortable? Let me.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Just a little. Okay. And you can see good. Oh, God. She was kissing my ass.

>> Mike: Yeah, it was.

>> Darin: That was fun.

>> Dave: This portion of irritable dad syndrome is brought to you by whompers all. Be footlong hot dogs. Hey, it's your old buddy Dave. And I'm telling you right now, there are no better hot dogs out there than whompers. Whompers are packed full of flavor with no fillers and no preservatives. Theyre perfect for every party. Get a ruler and measure it yourself. If your hot dog isnt 1ft long, theyll refund your money, guaranteed. Oh, and speaking of money, you can now show how much you love whompers by purchasing items from their new line of merchandise. Go to irritabledadsyndrome.com and see all the cool stuff they have and buy something for that special someone in your life. Back to you, buck and dusty.

>> Darin: I don't remember the product, but I'm in the car and I'm listening to the radio, and this product comes on, and it's a medication. Okay. And let me preface. I am not making fun of people who have erectile dysfunction. Okay. Okay.

>> Mike: I'm not. I will make fun of them.

>> Darin: I'm not. Okay. Just like a few weeks ago when we had the bent pecker. Bent carrot.

>> Mike: Yeah, please. This is a family show.

>> Darin: Brokencarrot.com, whatever it was.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So there was this medicine for erectile dysfunction, and lots, of men go through this, and you don't have to, and it's easier than doing this and something else and trouble, no more, and come to whatever, this place, and they have this erectile dysfunction medication. and they said that it works so well, you'll get immediate results in the office.

>> Mike: Whoa. What? I don't know. In the office, it's a whole different.

>> Darin: Look at that.

>> Mike: This is like a boing. Yeah. So I've seen one of those videos before.

>> Darin: So you go to this office, and then you take the erectile dysfunction medicine.

>> Mike: Uh-huh.

>> Darin: And then it works.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Then what do you have to do? You have to sit there for hours till it wears off? Or do you, like, in high school, do you cover your, your deal with.

>> Mike: A situation where you need to have your affairs in order before you go? You need to have the, I don't know, a better. The recipient there is selected.

>> Darin: Do you guys mind if we, use this back room? Yeah. Well, in the office.

>> Mike: Immediate results in the office. Yeah. Okay.

>> Darin: I mean, I feel for some of it, but I'm like, Yeah, it's a. That's like an uncomfortable drive.

>> Mike: You have to go to the office to take the pill.

>> Darin: I don't know.

>> Mike: Are they. Are they. It sounds like they're running some other kind of game there. You know what I mean? A bunch of confused men walking around with boners.

>> Darin: Or maybe it wasn't medication, but maybe it was some type of treatment that they, that they offer. I don't know. Hey, honey, you're gonna want to go to this appointment with me. Yeah, I've got a couple adjust stops.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: I was at Kroger.

>> Darin: And. And,

>> Mike: Is this a kroger story of the week?

>> Darin: Sure.

>> Dave: Okay, it's time now for the Kroger story of the week.

>> Darin: Thanks, Dave.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I've mentioned this before, but I'm going to mention it again if you're in the produce department. I'm sorry, but it's like, it's a cucumber. Okay. It's not where your kid is going to college, right? Pick one and go.

>> Mike: Go. Yeah.

>> Darin: My God. I went the other day and there was a woman and she stared at the mushrooms. Okay. There's boxes of mushrooms. She must have looked at the mushrooms for five minutes.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And I'm standing behind her. That's like, I'm waiting to get my mushrooms.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Okay. And she's just m m m. Like, woman.

>> Mike: Yeah. Let's go. Yeah.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Ugh.

>> Darin: Yeah. It's like the onions are pretty much all the same.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: The apples are pretty much all the same. Okay. The cucumbers are pretty much all the same cabbage. One head of cabbage is the same as the rest of the cabbage, unless one is like, ridiculously deformed cabbage. So it's like, grab it and move on with your life or pay attention if someone is behind you. Now, when I go and get bacon.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I will look at every pack of bacon until I find one, usually by whoppers that doesn't. Isn't full of fat.

>> Mike: Yeah. Yeah.

>> Darin: Because I cut that off before I, before I fry my bacon. So don't send me hate emails. Don't get mad at me. If you want to fry your bacon and all the fat, knock yourself out and make gravy out of it. I don't care. That's not how Darren rolls. If someone's behind me, I won't stand there and go through all the bacon.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: I will wait until I'm by myself and then I touch every package of bacon until I find the one that I want.

>> Mike: Hello. So I'm working on myself here and I want to. I want to share this story.

>> Darin: Wow. Okay.

>> Mike: In those situations, if you're a normal person, you go right up and you like, let's say they're blocking the broccoli.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Say, excuse me, I need to get the broccoli right away.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: What I tend to do.

>> Mike: Is stand there and wait. And about two to 3 seconds into waiting, I begin to see that.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: You know what I mean?

>> Darin: I. I know.

>> Mike: And it builds and it builds and then I get.

>> Darin: I go get the damn broccoli. Yeah.

>> Mike: I go from mildly seething and then I reach the. Jesus Christ, are they going to be here all day? I get that point. And then I'm to the point where I'm about to be violent, and then that's when I speak. And the problem is, is that all that is built up. So what would have been a, excuse me, I need to get the broccoli. Is, can I. Can I get the broccoli? Really? Can you. Could you move? Could you quit having a discussion about the broccoli so that I can get there? I know what broccoli I want. You're arguing about crowns versus stalks. I want those. I want that. And they look at me in horror. And if I'm with Bess or the kids, they look at me like, daddy.

>> Darin: Daddy's scary.

>> Mike: Did you hit the sauce before you came to Kroger? That kind of. And it's. It's led to some uncomfortable, moments for me.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: So I see. I tried it. Do you speak immediately, or do you. Do you go into the ceiling? Do you stand back there? And you.

>> Darin: I usually wait patiently in your.

>> Mike: In your sauce of, self righteousness.

>> Darin: Yeah. My hope. Everyone self righteous. I hope you guys are watching.

>> Mike: I hope.

>> Darin: Throwing a fit here. I am not Mike Odal.

>> Mike: I hope you see how patient I'm being. Yes. With this idiot in front of me.

>> Darin: Yeah. That's another thing.

>> Mike: That's what I feel like.

>> Darin: I want somebody to notice how patient I am.

>> Mike: Oh, yeah.

>> Darin: And when people don't see how patient I've been, that pisses me off.

>> Mike: Observe.

>> Darin: I waited here.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Patiently for this moron to pick a cucumber. Yeah.

>> Mike: Bask in my magnanimousness.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: I'm allowing this person to peruse the mushrooms at my leisure.

>> Darin: I was gonna say, I have been rewardier and plussier and nicer and kinder, and nobody saw it.

>> Mike: And then it builds up until you go all the way back around over to get the portobellos and get the out of there. I gotta get my stuff, right? I want the little, the little ones that you put on the pizza. I want those.

>> Darin: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Mike: And then now everybody's staring. The manager's got the phone in one hand, ready to dial M. You here? You hear, over the Kroger thing, we, as, security, we've got a class b and section. Section bravo. What if you have your codes, you hear them, and you're like, oh, I wonder what that is. Some dudes from the downy.

>> Darin: Wow. Okay. Wow. Gonna edit that out. Yeah. Have you heard when you were at Kroger and they say, attention all employees. It's now town for the. For the. On the top of the hour endurance training. Or, or what is that? What do they say?

>> Mike: I've. I don't know about Kroger. I've heard it. I've wrote, I've come across the target training.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: Like I've. If you ever come across a circle of target employees.

>> Darin: Yes. Yeah.

>> Mike: And have you just gone right through the middle of them?

>> Darin: Yeah. Excuse me. Looked around like I'm shopping.

>> Mike: I did that.

>> Darin: I'm paying your check.

>> Mike: Well, I did that. When I got into the middle of them, they were all looking at me, smiling, and I just said, you're all doing a hell of a job.

>> Darin: Just high five them.

>> Mike: Did you know?

>> Darin: Check off your shirt, see if they want to fight.

>> Mike: I should have. Now, I was by an incident in Kroger once, and m. I can't remember the code, but there was somebody, because, you know, they have, like, secret shoppers in there watching this.

>> Darin: Yeah, we did that at Winn Dixie.

>> Mike: Yeah, I heard. A and I came around the thing, and I saw somebody had just dropped, a. Like, a sauce, pasta sauce thing. And it was clear who did it. It was the lady that was, like, fast walking away from the area.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: And then over the thing, you hear, aisle 13. We've got a bravo echo.

>> Darin: You said they would just say, clean up on aisle 14, or.

>> Mike: Yeah, whatever their code was. but, yeah, I'll be. I'm always at the opposite end. That was the one time I was right there in the thick of it.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: You know, reporter on the scene. But I'm always. If the going down in the milk, then I'm over here in the produce.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: If it's going down in the produce that I'm over here in the cereal. I've never.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: I can't get to wherever it is fast enough.

>> Darin: But this time you were right there.

>> Mike: That time I was right there. It was years ago.

>> Darin: Well, a few weeks ago, I got some grapes, and they didn't have any in the bags. They only had some in the clear plastic box.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And I had it stacked on top of my, some of my other carrots and whatever else. I took a corner. Now, I didn't think I was going fast at all, but I went fast enough for the grapes to go over the corner.

>> Mike: Had you been drinking?

>> Darin: No, not that day. Not at all.

>> Mike: Oh, they took the bar out.

>> Darin: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So the grapes come off, and they roll all over the floor. There's a kroger employee who looks at all the grapes, leaves, walks away, doesn't get paid enough. Just gone.

>> Mike: You think he would? Hungry, hungry. Hip all that up.

>> Darin: So the responsible shopper.

>> Mike: Thank you for your service.

>> Darin: There's a woman with a car. It doesn't say. It's like, stop, stop.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Danger that we had slit. I said, we have a grape situation. And she goes, actually, they were blueberries. I'm sorry.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: This whole story is a sham. They were blueberries.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And so what does she do? She stops, and she gets down there.

>> Mike: You go.

>> Darin: And helps me. She goes, I'm gonna help my fellow man. I said, well, thank you.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And we, cleaned up all the blueberries. All of them were gone by the time another employee came over.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Because apparently the first one had to go, if something's on the floor, what are we supposed to do?

>> Mike: Yeah. Yeah.

>> Darin: Did you pick it up? No. Was that. Good lord. Yeah.

>> Mike: So I'm gonna make this the epic kroger story. Okay. We haven't had Kurt stories in a while. I have one from just a few days ago.

>> Darin: Oh, cool.

>> Mike: I'm at the K Rogers.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: I always make my lunches for the week. That's what I've been doing for the past month in the deli.

>> Darin: I make deli meat.

>> Mike: No, no. I make stir fry. And then I divvy it up into little meal containers for the delicious I've been doing. I'm good at it, too. Oh, good. Andrew's a huge fan. He's a huge fan of my food.

>> Darin: Uh-huh.

>> Mike: Stir fry. I always get a couple of onions. I'm used to buying onions. I know exactly what type of onion to get.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: I know how to scan them on the little thing.

>> Mike: I know that you scan them, and it says, way. Because I do the self checkout.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: I don't want anyone else touching my onions. So I'm scanning the onions, and it says, I've never had this happen before. It said, set item aside and call for help. Yeah, I. You know, I. So I set the item aside, and I'm like, I'm not gonna deal. M. I'll get. This is the peep day. This is when I had 20 boxes of peeps.

>> Darin: Right?

>> Mike: So I scan all the peeps. I scan everything else. I scan the onions.

>> Darin: Mm

>> Mike: It said, call for help.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: So the ladies over there, I say, this thing is telling me that I need help with the onions. It won't let me move forward. So she comes over, she helps me with the onions, and she goes back, and then I go to pay, and it said, help is on the way.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: And I thought, she hasn't even had time to turn around and go back to where she was. At this point. She's, like, two, 3ft away from me, and she's on her phone already and looking at a magazine. It wants the cart to be checked.

>> Darin: Right.

>> Mike: I believe it's because I bought so many peeps, I ended up on some peep watch list.

>> Darin: How many boxes of peeps did you buy?

>> Mike: 21.

>> Darin: 21 box of peeps.

>> Mike: 21 boxes of ten peeps. I bought 210 peeps. 198 of them made at home.

>> Darin: uh-huh. You ate ten of them in the car?

>> Mike: Two watermelon and a foil full, normal peep.

>> Darin: Okay. By the way, the watermelon ones. Oh, my God. So good.

>> Mike: It's the gateway peep.

>> Darin: Yeah. I'd never had one before, and damn.

>> Mike: I got a peep problem.

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: But it just annoyed me that I kept needing help from this person, and she was, like, right there. She should just, you know.

>> Darin: You know, this.

>> Mike: Something's just.

>> Darin: This doesn't happen when you go through the regular line.

>> Mike: I hate the regular line. What happens in the regular line is they put it on the conveyor. They don't all,

>> Darin: Okay, if you go through the regular line, there's a bagger.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Then, like, yeah.

>> Mike: Which they're normally.

>> Darin: That's how it's supposed to be.

>> Mike: So I go to Kroger, and they don't hire baggers.

>> Darin: Right. The last two times I went, they had a bagger.

>> Mike: They also don't bring produce in very often because it usually has the fruit flies. But here's a little, tip from your Uncle Mike. If you want the freshest produce that Kroger has to offer.

>> Darin: Yep.

>> Mike: Sunday morning. About six. Six or seven in the morning. Yes. I've been there doing okay. That's when they're loading it up. That's when everything is stacked. It's fresh. It's so, fresh. Some of it still has manure, on it.

>> Darin: Wow.

>> Mike: They pulled it out of the ground.

>> Darin: And that's fresh.

>> Mike: Yeah, it's pretty good.

>> Darin: Yeah, yeah.

>> Mike: The worst.

>> Darin: Mm

>> Mike: Saturday night.

>> Darin: Yeah, I don't go after. I don't go after 08:00 because I end up bagging all my stuff.

>> Mike: There's, like, hobos sleeping in the hobos. Hobos sleeping in the banana trays. And Saturday night.

>> Darin: So some guy fresh off the train, he had jumped on the train. He had the stick with the handkerchief with all his belongings in it.

>> Mike: Yeah. Classic hobo.

>> Darin: He had coal on his face.

>> Mike: Harmonica.

>> Darin: Yes.

>> Mike: He's got the shoe with the one toe hanging out the can of canister. Sardines, brown coat, and a cat. Yeah, all that stuff. Brown coat with, like, a french bread eaten hanging out of it. Yeah.

>> Darin: Nice.

>> Dave: This has been the Kroger story of the week.

>> Darin: We're almost out of time, but I wanted to say one more thing that happened. I went to the UDF. I mentioned that earlier.

>> Mike: United dairy farmers.

>> Darin: United dairy farmers. And I go in there to get my kids drink all my milk.

>> Mike: Okay.

>> Darin: Okay. They'll drink a gallon of milk a day. Yeah. so we were out of milk. I didn't feel like making the trip all the way down to, K Roger.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: So I went to UDF. I go in there, and I get my two gallons of milk. There's a guy in front of me, he's buying two packs of smokes with change.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: There's 45.

>> Mike: Oh, my gosh.

>> Darin: a dollar. And the woman kind of looks over him and looks at me like, can you believe this? And I'm like, you know, yeah. It took him, I don't know, five minutes to. And he keeps going in his pocket.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And getting more change out. And one, I never see anybody who has change.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: But even remember, because we went through that period, we're like, everybody was spending change.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: People change. Right and left is change palooza.

>> Mike: I saw somebody using cash the other day, and it was like, where did you. Where's the time machine?

>> Darin: Yeah.

>> Mike: I understand the smokes, though, because I used to smoke, and I've had.

>> Darin: Many times with change.

>> Mike: Yeah. I've bought cigarettes, cigarettes with pennies before.

>> Darin: Okay.

>> Mike: You got desperate in the Trans am because I couldn't afford the Trans am. I sure as hell couldn't afford to smoke. So I'm, like, scrounging pennies.

>> Darin: But how long ago was that? And how much was a pack of smokes back, like, 20 years. How much are cigarettes now?

>> Mike: I don't know.

>> Darin: a buddy, mine, although he quit buddy, mine in Chicago, I think they were, like, $7 a pack in Chicago.

>> Mike: that's a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: With all that money that you spent on smokes, you could buy beer. This has been fun.

>> Mike: Yeah, yeah.

>> Darin: We're gonna wrap this one up. We want you to go to irritable dad syndrome. Calm. you can download all the episodes that we have there, and, if you want a t shirt, you can buy one at irritable dad center. Calm. If you want to be a patron, you can do that at irritable dad.

>> Mike: We got coffee mugs you can put your liquor in.

>> Darin: Exactly.

>> Mike: If we do swing that way. Yeah.

>> Darin: Chris O'Brien, the other day, a guest of the show, friend of our show, posted his, irritable dancing coffee mug on his old Facebook page. Thank you, Chris. So we appreciate you doing that.

>> Mike: I used my irritable dad syndrome hoodie to clean out the gutters in our house the, couple days ago.

>> Darin: Now there's an endorsement.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Oh, my God. Retired. One of our listeners on the show quit smoking when cigarettes were thirty five cents a pack.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: My m lord.

>> Mike: We should have an irritable ashtray. Irritable.

>> Darin: Irritable death syndrome ashtrays.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: Oh, yeah. I can do that. Yeah, we'll get on that. We'll have our team get on that.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: And, one of them paddle ball games. The rubber band will break, like fourth time.

>> Mike: Yeah.

>> Darin: All right, guys, we're gonna go. Thanks. We hope to see you next week on irritable dad syndrome.

>> Dave: Irritable dad syndrome is a Mike Odal Darren cox production.

>> Mike: Dizzy rascal.

>> Darin: Dizzy. Dizzy.

>> Mike: Oh.

>> Darin: Two e's. I thought those dizzo. Dizzou.

>> Mike: Wow.

>> Darin: Boing.

>> Mike: Go to bed, Miles.

>> Darin: Yeah, go to bed.